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Old 10-12-2013, 11:54 PM
 
Location: Philippines
546 posts, read 1,811,250 times
Reputation: 729

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayerdu View Post
We've done it. Actually, since 2008, we have moved 3 times (really 5 but 2 times it was within the same city) to different states for my DH's career. Each time there was an adjustment for me, a SAHM, but the kids were still young (they are now 6, 4, 1.5 yrs old). Although tough at times, all of those moves helped us prioritize what was important to us. In the end, it was family - OUR family - not the extended family. We live in TX and DH's Mom is in NC and my parents are in OK.

The thing is, the OP uses his young age to argue against it, but IMO, it's his age that makes all of this worthwhile. He is still young enough to try this and see if he likes it. If not, go back. No big deal. Plus, I am all for family helping but at some point, you have to learn how to do this - live life and be responsible for your life - on your own.

Also, if he is doubling or tripling his salary, then why does he care if his wife stays at home. That doesn't make sense. If she wants to stay home AND he is doubling his pay, why shouldn't she?

I agree with this. We moved twice with my husband's job and it has advanced his career considerably. Although it was not easy to live far from our families, we learned how to pull together as a family unit and make it work. I think we are very close because of this. I take a lot of pride in being able to take care of my household and not feel dependent on others. I am a big fan of taking on new life experiences if it seems to make sense because I think people can learn a lot about themselves and really grow in the process.
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Old 10-14-2013, 10:39 AM
 
3,433 posts, read 5,723,210 times
Reputation: 5471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
Note: This is not me but someone who has come to me for advice. Kind of like - what would you do?
His decision is not yet made - at all. In fact, other than his wife, I am the only one who he told.

OK, everyone you know is in the same area. You live in a great place, own your home. You are both working (you and spouse). You have 2 children, 5 and 5 months. The grandmothers on both sides (both very young grandmothers - early 50's) take loving care of the children.

Basically, a village is raising these 2 lovely children. Everything is going great. All the families get along.

At your job, you have a small territory. You just were given the opportunity for a much larger territory in either same state - 5 hours away or another state. Your income could double or triple. Your wife would have to transfer with her job but not sure if openings are available.

Then, of course, the young children would be in school and/or day care, not with loving family members.

This is what I told him:
You are still young (30). It's money, yes but your family and the love around you is so important. I can just hear the cries when others hear of this. The children are happy, really happy and a lot of it is attributed to the love around them which I told him, is the most important.

I also asked him if it was his goal to be the major breadwinner where his wife would stay home. That was a "no" answer.

He's relatively new at this job and I asked him what would happen if he turned it down. He said - well, I'd just be where I am. The job is in an area where there is a lot of growth though and I told him just to be patient on this.

Anyone actually leave and move away from family for a job and how did it work out?

PS - They also have a wide variety of friends locally which equates to a great social network.

If you turn down promotions that involve re-locating, many places do not give you the option of deciding years later you are now ready.

I am not siding for or against.
Just stating that opportunities available today are not necessarily available later on when the employee decides the time is right.

Many places brand an employee who will not move up the ladder as " stagnant " and are not eager to keep offering re-location promotions on his time table later.
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Old 10-14-2013, 11:56 AM
 
Location: over there --->
133 posts, read 497,169 times
Reputation: 71
Im curious to know if everyone would still be saying "move" if it were the wife's career that would be advancing, or if she would be considered selfish for wanting to "uprooted" her husband who has a "stable" job?
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Old 10-14-2013, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,727 posts, read 9,899,958 times
Reputation: 20482
Quote:
Originally Posted by michimaize View Post
Im curious to know if everyone would still be saying "move" if it were the wife's career that would be advancing, or if she would be considered selfish for wanting to "uprooted" her husband who has a "stable" job?
I would. Be saying "yes", that is. If wife is "advancing" and hubs is "stable", the one who's moving up should be the prime consideration.
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Old 10-15-2013, 05:18 PM
 
230 posts, read 341,096 times
Reputation: 219
I honestly can't believe that moving 5 hours away for a better opportunity is a such difficult, heart wrenching decision for you to make. You could literally visit your old home every weekend if you wanted to. It makes you sound like you have never been away from your parents for any period of time or recently moved out.
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Old 10-17-2013, 11:26 AM
 
Location: TN/NC
34,848 posts, read 30,936,012 times
Reputation: 47173
Five hours can be done in a weekend. Leave at 5 Friday, get to the relatives at 10 Friday night. Stay with them until 5 Sunday, get home at 10. The grandparents could stay with them once a month, the young couple could drive home once a month, so the kids could see grandparents and relatives every two weeks. That's more than a lot of people get.

If he can double or triple his income, couldn't he move to the new job location on his own, rent an apartment in the meantime, and the wife apply at the new location while keeping her current position? If their HHI doubles or nearly so, running two households temporarily shouldn't be a huge issue. This is money that can go into retirement, debt repayment, 529s for the kids, whatever they want really. Leaving money on the table with the way things are now is foolish, especially since it's not a really long way.

My parents graduated with elementary education degrees in 1979, were never able to get hired locally, and accepted a teaching position about five hours from home (TN) in SC in 1991 when I was a toddler. They were also offered positions in Savannah, GA, which they declined due to distance. They only stayed six months, in part because of my grandparents' constant badgering about not being able to see me. My parents' careers never got back on track and they are entering their late 50s with debt, a mortgage, and are looking at poverty in their old age, largely because they listened to their parents and got their careers off track to be with family in a very depressed area. He doesn't want to look back thirty years later and be in financial arrears due to a move that wasn't taken.
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