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Hi Everyone, I am so stressed out and I can't seem to get it to go away. I am usually a very postiive person that can snap out of a bad mood and make the best of anything but right now I am worried because I can't seem to make a decision and it's making me so unhappy.
My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years and we have 2 sons, one about to start college and the other going into 11th grade. My husband and I have always wanted to move since we first got married but things fell into place here and we have lived a great life, very secure and able to travel all over with our boys since they were babies. As we have traveled we tried to find the place we want to move and last summer we finally did, Arizona. We fell in love and love everything about it. That was last July and then from that point on we have done nothing but plan and plan and plan.
We have been approved to buy a house out there and we came out 2 weeks ago and found some and even found one that we thought was the one but I didn't feel 100% about it and being that it's a huge purchase I told him let's wait and see if we can just rent because I don't want to buy something and then regret the area we buy in. Plus the utilties were going to be way too much and that's what made us realize we couldn't take a chance.
Our house is for sale here, my son was accepted to ASU out there, he has a college here picked out in case things don't go through, my husband can transfer anytime out there, but all of a sudden I am hit with this feeling of not wanting to move yet, I want to wait until my son finishes college here but my husband says if we don't move now we probaly never will. I am so scared, we haven't had any offers on the house so we would only make it out there 6 months, maybe a year paying 2 payments of rent and mortgage.
My husband and son want to move but say they will understand if I don't want to but it's all on me now to make the decision and right now I feel 50/50, I can't seem to get out of this mood of doubt and worries. We have 6 cats that we are taking also, my son starting highschool out there, my other son starting college, everything has to fall into place and if it doesn't I don't want to feel like I knew we should have waited, but if we don't move then I don't want to say I wish we would have.
I know you can't tell me what to do but any advice would be great. The things we love about Arizona are the weather (even the very hot days we came out in July), we love the amount of produce we can get since we eat raw vegan and where we live now it's more expensive and not even close to the amount of food we can get out there and it's cheaper, we love to hike, we love the sunshine, being close to CA is awesome, my husband will make the same amount out there that he does here, I can work remotely.
I feel like if we wait my husband and 1 son will never get over it or be very disappointed in me. My other son has no desire to move but doesn't care either way he said.
It's scary because change is scary. More so for some than others. I don't have much advice but I've moved many times around the country and before each move I get really stressed. That said, every move has worked out wonderfully!
Sorry that you are going through so much stress. We moved our family to Texas over the summer and it was a huge change for us. It was even more of a gamble since hubby quit a very well paying job to take a chance. We also had to sell a house and that was hugely stressful. For us though, it was a quality of life issue. We are doing so much better.....stress wise....in our new state. My hubby loves it here, the kids seem to be adjusting well. I don't feel so darned depressed.
I guess that you have to look at trade offs. It sounds like your hubby and older son are very interested in moving. Your younger son not so much. I would imagine that moving with two years of high school left is also tough.
So ask yourself....if you do decide to not move, how will it impact your mental well being? Will it be something you regret down the road? Are you happy in your current location and can you tolerate staying there? For us, it was a growing urgency to leave, even if it met making some monetary sacrifices along the way. In your case, the job situation is stable. You are very lucky. You are free and clear to move ( aside from selling your house).
Don't let fear and stress hold you back. Don't make an impulse decision based on stress alone. You've been researching and planning this for a long time. If I could make any recommendation, perhaps look at renting. We sold our house before moving but decided to rent to get the lay of the land. You may want to consider that as well. That way, you can take your time and find the house of your dreams in Arizona. After renting here, I know exactly what I want and what I don't want, lol.
Why not wait until you have accepted an offer on the house? Then you will not have so much financial uncertainty. Meanwhile you can save a little more rent money.
It is hard to move, sometimes. But if you do not, you may always wonder if you should have. Moving can be an adventure but it can also be one of the most stressful experiences that life has to offer. It is easy to feel overwhelmed by it all. Be easy on yourself and try not to expect too much from yourself, physically or emotionally. And, good luck.
Instead of waiting until your boys graduate from college, how about a compromise of waiting until your youngest son graduates HS? Then when both boys are off to college, you and your husband can move to Arizona.
I would strongly suggest that you sell your home before you make the move. Carrying two mortgages is going to put a strain on you, and you will find it very difficult to find a landlord willing to rent to someone with 6 cats. You may have no other option than to buy a home when you do get to AZ.
It is normal to have mixed feelings and fears. There is a lot of unknown and stress in moving. It is natural to feel this way. Now in my opinion as someone who has moved many times a person or family should not buy right away. It is better to rent for even 6 months to get a feel for the areas and if things will work out even. Not until you lived in a place do you really know the good and bad. I have been amazed at the things that are not pleasant that pop up that I would of never even thought of.
You stated now you want your son to finish college where you currently live and then you would move to AZ? What would be different then?
If you make a list of pro's and con's do you feel many of the con's are valid or more out of fear?
Thanks Everyone, the reason why we are rushed to move by summer is because my son was accepted to a college out there, he wants to go with us, if we don't move he has a college here that he has been accepted to. I would wait 4 years for him to finish here so he wouldn't have to transfer and he said he doesn't want to transfer out if he starts at one college. That's why we have based our move to work out around this, if we can't find a place to rent then we most likely won't move because we are going out again next month, we can't afford to keep flying out, we did a few weeks ago and then decided it's best not to buy and now we want to go out and look at rentals. My husband can transfer in as soon as we find a place. My high school son is fine with going to school out there, I think he is excited to go to a bigger school/more kids. I just stress thinking if this all doesn't work out then we will be stuck here for 4 more years, but the plus would be that we could save more money. I haven't handed my house over to a realtor yet, we were trying to sell it on our own and met with a realtor last week, we are going to hand it over to them once we get back from Arizona next month.
I have a feeling if we don't move my husband will talk about it every day until we can, he will probably say we should have just taken that chance and I will think it also, I would try to make the best of our situation here until we could move though, I am not one to sit in misery everyday, I try to make the best of everyday no matter what.
I don't want to move without my sons, I can't imagine being clear across the country away from them, plus they do want to move to Arizona, we all love it there.
Thanks Everyone, the reason why we are rushed to move by summer is because my son was accepted to a college out there, he wants to go with us, if we don't move he has a college here that he has been accepted to. I would wait 4 years for him to finish here so he wouldn't have to transfer and he said he doesn't want to transfer out if he starts at one college. That's why we have based our move to work out around this, if we can't find a place to rent then we most likely won't move because we are going out again next month, we can't afford to keep flying out, we did a few weeks ago and then decided it's best not to buy and now we want to go out and look at rentals. My husband can transfer in as soon as we find a place. My high school son is fine with going to school out there, I think he is excited to go to a bigger school/more kids. I just stress thinking if this all doesn't work out then we will be stuck here for 4 more years, but the plus would be that we could save more money. I haven't handed my house over to a realtor yet, we were trying to sell it on our own and met with a realtor last week, we are going to hand it over to them once we get back from Arizona next month.
I have a feeling if we don't move my husband will talk about it every day until we can, he will probably say we should have just taken that chance and I will think it also, I would try to make the best of our situation here until we could move though, I am not one to sit in misery everyday, I try to make the best of everyday no matter what.
I don't want to move without my sons, I can't imagine being clear across the country away from them, plus they do want to move to Arizona, we all love it there.
It sounds like everyone is on board with the move so I would do it!
With regards to rentals....we found a rental within a weekend of working with a good realtor. Just be prepared to move fast, especially if the rental market is tight. He made deposits, filled out paperwork on the spot. My hubby found us our place the first weekend he was here in Dallas. It worked out perfectly, even if the house is a bit of a dump. A dump in a good school district though!
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