Is my philosophy on lifestyle/moving appropriate for my age (30)?
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OP
You said Denver felt too overwhelming. Try San Diego and Albuquerque.
It is true that finding love (more specifically sex) will be harder outside of a large city. Since the majority of people are straight, and you need to find another gay man, you're looking for a smaller section of the population. Many gay people handle that problem by going to a large city so that they will be part of a larger crowd. It makes sense. I recommend to many young people that they do just that, even if they are straight. A straight 30 year old male still has better chances at finding a partner in a city that is at least medium size. (200k+)
I think you are right to re-focus your life. Do you want sex, or do you want a relationship? You'll find more of either in a big city, but a mid-size city may still be fairly good for finding a relationship. Since you wouldn't want to be stuck in that big city after finding love, you wouldn't actually be a perfect partner for most of the gay men in those cities. If they like Denver, but you feel crowded there, you have a serious problem in your relationship.
Therefore, if you want a relationship, I think you have a much better shot at long term happiness by going to a mid-size city. Find somewhere you can be happy, but not somewhere that is so rural that you are unlikely to encounter enough people to find someone that shares your lifestyle and your passions. If you love reading and fishing (random hobbies), finding a handsome gay man isn't enough. You would want one that shared at least one of your interests. So, avoid the tiny towns.
Hence, I suggest looking at cities with populations of at least 500k. You might consider some of the cities in Florida as well, or North Carolina if you wanted to stay closer to your current geographic region. If you aren't tied to it, the weather is better in SD (San Diego, not South Dakota) and ALBQ.
PS. As I tell everyone looking for a life-long partner. The place to find that isn't in a nightclub. A nightclub is for finding someone for the night. It is rare that two people both wanting a long term relationship will meet there. The values of a nightclub are NOT the basis for a marriage. I've known guys who were advised to go out to a bar and find a wife. Whose wife are you finding there? What a train-wreck of a situation they put themselves in.
OP
You said Denver felt too overwhelming. Try San Diego and Albuquerque.
It is true that finding love (more specifically sex) will be harder outside of a large city. Since the majority of people are straight, and you need to find another gay man, you're looking for a smaller section of the population. Many gay people handle that problem by going to a large city so that they will be part of a larger crowd. It makes sense. I recommend to many young people that they do just that, even if they are straight. A straight 30 year old male still has better chances at finding a partner in a city that is at least medium size. (200k+)
I think you are right to re-focus your life. Do you want sex, or do you want a relationship? You'll find more of either in a big city, but a mid-size city may still be fairly good for finding a relationship. Since you wouldn't want to be stuck in that big city after finding love, you wouldn't actually be a perfect partner for most of the gay men in those cities. If they like Denver, but you feel crowded there, you have a serious problem in your relationship.
Therefore, if you want a relationship, I think you have a much better shot at long term happiness by going to a mid-size city. Find somewhere you can be happy, but not somewhere that is so rural that you are unlikely to encounter enough people to find someone that shares your lifestyle and your passions. If you love reading and fishing (random hobbies), finding a handsome gay man isn't enough. You would want one that shared at least one of your interests. So, avoid the tiny towns.
Hence, I suggest looking at cities with populations of at least 500k. You might consider some of the cities in Florida as well, or North Carolina if you wanted to stay closer to your current geographic region. If you aren't tied to it, the weather is better in SD (San Diego, not South Dakota) and ALBQ.
PS. As I tell everyone looking for a life-long partner. The place to find that isn't in a nightclub. A nightclub is for finding someone for the night. It is rare that two people both wanting a long term relationship will meet there. The values of a nightclub are NOT the basis for a marriage. I've known guys who were advised to go out to a bar and find a wife. Whose wife are you finding there? What a train-wreck of a situation they put themselves in.
A city of 500K is too big for me. I prefer cities under 200K. San Diego is too big for me.
I'm basing off metro area size though. I'm hoping for less than 2 million.
OP
You said Denver felt too overwhelming. Try San Diego and Albuquerque.
It is true that finding love (more specifically sex) will be harder outside of a large city. Since the majority of people are straight, and you need to find another gay man, you're looking for a smaller section of the population. Many gay people handle that problem by going to a large city so that they will be part of a larger crowd. It makes sense. I recommend to many young people that they do just that, even if they are straight. A straight 30 year old male still has better chances at finding a partner in a city that is at least medium size. (200k+)
I think you are right to re-focus your life. Do you want sex, or do you want a relationship? You'll find more of either in a big city, but a mid-size city may still be fairly good for finding a relationship. Since you wouldn't want to be stuck in that big city after finding love, you wouldn't actually be a perfect partner for most of the gay men in those cities. If they like Denver, but you feel crowded there, you have a serious problem in your relationship.
Therefore, if you want a relationship, I think you have a much better shot at long term happiness by going to a mid-size city. Find somewhere you can be happy, but not somewhere that is so rural that you are unlikely to encounter enough people to find someone that shares your lifestyle and your passions. If you love reading and fishing (random hobbies), finding a handsome gay man isn't enough. You would want one that shared at least one of your interests. So, avoid the tiny towns.
Hence, I suggest looking at cities with populations of at least 500k. You might consider some of the cities in Florida as well, or North Carolina if you wanted to stay closer to your current geographic region. If you aren't tied to it, the weather is better in SD (San Diego, not South Dakota) and ALBQ.
PS. As I tell everyone looking for a life-long partner. The place to find that isn't in a nightclub. A nightclub is for finding someone for the night. It is rare that two people both wanting a long term relationship will meet there. The values of a nightclub are NOT the basis for a marriage. I've known guys who were advised to go out to a bar and find a wife. Whose wife are you finding there? What a train-wreck of a situation they put themselves in.
Ironically, I've had an easier time finding dates and sex in CT instead of NYC. I found the scene in NYC to be very competitive and have a "wait for the next best thing" mentality. In a place like CT, single people still have sexual and dating needs just as much as singles in big cities. Since the singles population is less, I have found that they are more willing to make the time to meetup. But in a big city, everyone is just so busy all the time and pickier.
Also, if I move to a big metro area, finding a partner is a contingency -- it may or may not happen. But one thing's for sure -- I'm pretty much guaranteed to not enjoy living there.
What about the Carolinas? I have heard Asheville is small but nice. I don't know how easy it is to meet someone there. I know you want feedback from people who may have or be in a similar situation but have you tried to google some of the requirements and see what comes up?
What about the Carolinas? I have heard Asheville is small but nice. I don't know how easy it is to meet someone there. I know you want feedback from people who may have or be in a similar situation but have you tried to google some of the requirements and see what comes up?
I tried living in Charlotte and didn't like it. The Carolinas don't really appeal to me that much.
But anyway, this thread is not a request about helping me decide where to live. This thread is supposed to be about what you think my life's priorities should be from a living perspective, now that I'm entering my 30's.
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