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My parents moved my junior year of high school into senior year. They moved about 45 mins away. I just drove to my school everyday. It was a PITA but I did it, every morning.
She is just trying to get you to not move. She may end up liking it more then Minnesota, who knows? Explain to her the financial aspects and why you can't stay. She doesn't have to like it, but in the end she has to deal with it.
I remember quite vividly the day I told my daughter that we were moving from California to North Carolina! At that time she was going into eighth grade. We were sitting in the car having what I call a "little picnic" and the minute I told her, all of her food was thrown at me! She was pissed!
It's definitely not easy both for you as the parent and for your child/teen. However I can tell you that once the move is made things seem to settle down rather quickly.
These were some of the things I did to try and help the situation....
We threw her a really big going away party with all of her friends and family.
I tried to express that she only had 5 years until she graduated high school and that if she decided at that time that she wanted to go back that I would support her decision.
I made sure that she had her own computer so she could follow her friends on social media etc.
I told her that we would visit California to see old friends and family as much as we can. I also told her that I would fly her best friend out once a year if she liked (once she met new friends she never took me up on that).
I spent a lot of time with her when we first arrived doing things SHE enjoyed. And as soon as she met new friends (which was the first day of school) I actively took them out to do things and always made time to drop her off at friends. Within a month she was totally fine and actually quite happy with her new home and her new set of friends.
She's almost 22 now and has no plans of ever returning to California except to visit family and old friends. She realizes now that this was a good move for herself as well. Does she still miss some things in California...sure! But when we go visit we make sure she sees the people she wants to see and visits most of her old favorite places. And the great thing is...... although she has had a wonderful visit....when the plane lands in NC....she is VERY happy and tells me that NC is definitely her home!
And just to throw out the other side of the coin....my oldest was an adult when we decided to move and he decided to STAY in California. I received the same backlash from him :-( He wrote me a very long letter expressing his anger and resentment for having made this decision. I know he still has some feelings about it to this day (about 9 years later).
I could use some advice on how to deal with a potential move opportunity. I am seriously considering a move this summer from Minnesota to Naples, Florida. I happen to own a nice home in Naples. My family (3 kids) and I currently live in the frozen tundra known as Minnesota. The Florida house was purchased just before my husband passed of a heart attack. We were planning on moving last December. As many may understand, I am in need of a re-boot to my life and want to move south. I am financially able to manage the move. This is not a snap decision. I cannot hold both houses. Renting one isn't an option.
My teenager is very angry at me. She wants to stay here with her friends. She wants to dance on the dance team. Dance is not her passion - this is just a fun activity for her. There is a dance team where we are going. She says she won't try out - she says she won't do anything down there but sit in her room. So be it; her choice. I know she is trying to manipulate and guilt me. It appears to be working.
How do I deal with the situation? Honestly, am I being too selfish? At age 53, do I give up my dreams, suck up the substantial financial loss on the house down there, stay here to make her happy? I have always done with others have wanted. This is the first major decision I have made based on what I want.
Or do I go ahead with the move and just let her work out her anger? She is seeing a counselor. The counselor supports the move.
How do others deal with kids angry over a move?
You didn't say your daughter's age? What grade is she in? and whether or not she is an only child.
It is not OK to say to any teenager after graduating high school that they can "go back" to their old state. My goodness, how in the world would they take care of themselves. Even adult children who have graduated from college cannot find work. A high school grad is still immature. Especially a daughter who has already lost her father.
I've been through your scenario, and unfortunately did what was best for me. It was not best for the teens and I've paid the price ever since. If you can afford to stay where you are until she graduates, that would be the time to make your move. Why cannot the Naples home be rented? Have you tried? If not, sell the Naples house and move to FL after she graduates. You can always move to FL later. She will feel better about herself then. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and not give in to our own wants, which are mostly selfish.
You have to do some hard thinking, and decide whether this is strictly an economic move or a selfish move.
You didn't say your daughter's age? What grade is she in? and whether or not she is an only child.
It is not OK to say to any teenager after graduating high school that they can "go back" to their old state. My goodness, how in the world would they take care of themselves. Even adult children who have graduated from college cannot find work. A high school grad is still immature. Especially a daughter who has already lost her father.
I've been through your scenario, and unfortunately did what was best for me. It was not best for the teens and I've paid the price ever since. If you can afford to stay where you are until she graduates, that would be the time to make your move. Why cannot the Naples home be rented? Have you tried? If not, sell the Naples house and move to FL after she graduates. You can always move to FL later. She will feel better about herself then. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and not give in to our own wants, which are mostly selfish.
You have to do some hard thinking, and decide whether this is strictly an economic move or a selfish move.
I don't think this is a selfish move. Kids adapt. You must have odd kids. I know many people that moved with kids. None liked the idea but the kids were fine in time.
I don't think it's a selfish move either...my mom moved us around a lot without warning, in the middle of school years and frequently. It DID affect us...and not for the better always.
HOWEVER, this is nothing like that. There is a lot of planning and forethought and Mom actually cares what her daughter thinks. I think the daughter will see some cute boys by the beach and facebooking her friends in no time how cool it is to be in Florida.
I know that leaving friends is very traumatic at that age...but maybe, OP (Mom), it's time to explain reasonably but plainly that it's sad that dad is gone and many of those memories are in that house, but that in order for you to stay strong for the children, you NEED to do this. Appeal to her humanity...she's your kid afterall...she likely has a heart just like yours! That together as a family, you will get through these tougher times and make a home in a place that dad would've loved...
I think you're doing the right thing! Good luck...
I think you are doing the right thing. You are the adult and make the decisions for your family. Don't let your daughter blackmail you with, "I'll just sit in my room if we move there." I would recommend keeping your daughter in counselling, letting her Skype her Minnesota friends, and even allow her to invite a couple friends down for a visit maybe over Spring break. That should thrill her.
Best of luck with your plans. You are due for a change, and it sounds like you have a nice life planned in Naples.
The only time it would be pretty crummy of a parent to do that is if the child has only one year left of middle school or high school. Why move them to a new school for just one year?
This happened to my mom and she always felt like an outsider at her new HS for her senior year.
My teenager is very angry at me. She wants to stay here with her friends.
Well yeah!!!! Did you ever change high schools??? It sucks! Not saying you shouldnt make the move, but try and remember what high school is really like and put yourself in her position.
How many years does she have left. If she's going to be a senior this year can she stay with grandparents until she graduates?
While I support the other posters AND the counselor, you didn't seem to mention if she is a teenager of 13, or 18. I can kinda laugh because whether we admit it or not, kids can and do rule our lives. That being said, if she's younger 13-14 age, then move and if she has a hissy then you can do 2 things. Learn to ignore the whining, or 2, learn to ignore the whining. If you've allowed her to get to you in the past, it's time to put your foot down. If she's closer to graduating (17 or so), then can the move possibly wait another year? I agree with lae60, set up a Skype account, or if you'll have the internet in Fla, which I'm sure you will, then I believe that there's a thing called video chats. If she wants to sit in her room in Fla, so be it. You don't have to worry about her since you know where she'll be. If she's a wallflower in Minnesota, then she'll be a wallflower in Fla. If she was sociable In Minn, then she'll eventually make friends in Fla. There's no easy answers. Do the other 2 kids support your decision to move? Is your daughter anger mostly related to your husband dying and you were planning a move anyway, and now she doesn't have her Dad with her? Sorry I'm just throwing things out there because I'm sure you don't have all the answers. If she's going to whine, it might as well be in Florida where you can have a life. I think a lot of the anger is her losing her Dad(not a surprise to you, I'm sure).. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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