Another "I moved out of state and I hate it" post. (cheap, moving back)

[bentstrider]

Originally Posted by David Aguilar

For me, Denver is absolutely awesome, on paper. But I just can't put my finger on it. I can't even find anything wrong with Denver, and it's been really good to me. It's basically perfect. I just don't feel any emotional connection to it.

I am homesick for my native CA fairly often, but I know if I were to go back, I'd really regret it, because I wanted out of there so bad to begin with. I feel like I should trust my past feelings, even though I do indeed have an emotional connection to CA that I don't have with Denver.

I think contentment with a place comes from what you/your soul sees in it. Sometimes you have everything in common, and it doesn't work out, and vice versa.

Do what feels good, do what makes your heart feel warm. You won't regret it.

People have been hounding me lately due to my current dissatisfaction with operations here in regards to transferring.
All I ever get is "SO ARE YOU GOING BACK TO CALIFORNIA?!?! HUH HUH HUH?!?"

I tell them Phoenix or Portland and they just look at me like I burned the Bear Flag or something.

I may have lived in SoCal most of my life(from 4yrs old to 29yrs old), but I honestly declare no allegiance or favoritism to any one state.

If anything, since I'm actually with a good company with locally-oriented operations and transfer options like no other, I consider myself a "Well Funded Hobo".

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

Originally Posted by sfe11

Did you feel like you fit in in the other places that you've been to?

What an excellent question! Yes, I was able to make friends easily all over WA state - lived in the south near Portland, also in Seattle, and Bellingham. Moved to Mexico, and made friends easily amoung the snowbirds there, but living in Mexico was no where near the dream I (or my Canadian friends) thought it would be. My best friend is someone who also was living in Mexico at the time. We met in Mexico in 1999, and are best friends today. We Skype constantly.

I also lived with them in Canada for about 6 months, and made friends easily there, too. I could easily live in Canada, if there were California winters ha ha.

And I made good friends in Nashville - all of whom came from the north lol!

But, the culture among the snowbirds I met in Mexico - from Canada, and Texas mainly - was very comfortable.

But, the culture in Tennessee, I couldn't navigate to save my life. This would have been true of Mexico, if I didn't have the expatriat/snowbird population to make friends with. In Mexico, with Mexicans, I would also have been a fish out of water, and would always have been the "foreigner." I tried to make some Mexican friends, but that wasn't going to happen, either. I was not truly welcome. Kinda like Tennessee.

I made friends with Tennesseeans, but how do I explain it, I never felt like I knew what they were really thinking. And it was so annoying to just be placated and brushed off a lot, rather than just get a good New York "Hell, no, I don't want to be your friend!" LOL.

So, no, it wasn't "me," that was the problem in Tennessee, as far as fitting in. It was definitely the culture.

So, I'm wondering if the Colorado culture is too different from Texas culture and making friends is harder there.

[runswithscissors]

I moved to accept re-employment with my former company. I had bought a condo and was stuck with it but I left it empty and moved anyway for the job.

I HATED THAT PLACE.

I was with them 30 years but how they operated in THIS state was wrong on many levels.

Anyway, one day I was in my high rise elevator, being depressed because "training" was coming to an end and I'd have to actually WORK there. Stuck with my expenses in my condo at home and a pricey rent up there I had no business quitting and giving up the good money anyway.

I looked down and noticed some dogs. I heard a voice in my head: "There is no dog walker in this building".

I went in that Friday, the last day of training, resigned, and started my own pet sitting/dog walking business.

Two months later I was living off of it. Never had to drive my car - my entire business was in place in three large high rises where I lived.

That was six years ago and I am successful.

After four years I came back to my condo and started over under a different name... but for the four years I was in the "wrong city" I loved everything about it because of my business.

Sometimes we impose LIMITATIONS on ourselves.

KEEP YOUR EYES and EARS OPEN for what the universe is trying to tell you. Or nudging you to take on.

[bpollen]

I don't know how old you are, but you sound like you might be youngish. If you are, you have time.

Three decades ago I uprooted myself (again) and moved away for job prospects. I'm from south Louisiana and moved to Dallas. Very different. Also, I'm cajun, so I left not just an area, but a culture. I mean, I'm REALLY cajun. I grew up in smoke filled rooms with people speaking french. I've eaten sugar cane straight from the fields we were passing. Gumbo, fig pies, boiled crawfish were ordinary foods. Emerald green grass almost year round, citrus fruit, fig trees. All gone in a flash to a place where the grass is brown several months out of the year and has almost no rain, compared to where I'm from.

I once read that moving is one of the most traumatic things in life, right behind losing a child or other family member. Moving is disorienting, too. You don't know where anything is. Nothing is easy. People are different. You don't know anyone. "People are strange, when you're a stranger." (that's an old song)

You need to give it some time. Maybe make a plan to stay for a certain length of time, not worry about it during that time, then think about things when that time expires. One year. Two years. I don't think six months is long enough.

You're probably reacting to the move, not the place. It's better to judge after you learn where things are, how to best get around, where the best shopping places are, the personality of the place, have a few friends, feel more comfortable.

Then when you decide to stay or move, base it on what your ultimate goal is, and an educated, reasoned thought process. Don't base it solely on emotion, unless you're just bowled over by one of the places, which doesn't seem like you are.

Where are you going in life? Where do you want to end up? If you have kids, do you want them to be Houstonions or Coloradoans (is that a word?)? Do you want to plant a garden and have fig trees? Or do you want to go skiing every winter? Which place has a lower cost of living, higher wages, healthier economy, cleaner air? Which place do you fit in better, politically or personality wise? Does it matter that your parents will be far away, when they get older and you want to assist them? Or that your family won't be around to help with your kids? Which place has a healthier economy to weather recessions? More opportunities in you and your husband's fields?

If you had moved to the boonies, I'd say move back to where you were happy. But you weren't happy in Houston, and you moved to Denver, not the boonies. Denver is beautiful, isn't it? Great climate? But it IS a pricey place to live. Check it out:

Cost of Living Indexes

...........Houston Denver
Overall 98.2 115.1
Food 83.5 97.2
Housing 107.4 147.9
Utilities 94 89.9
Transportation 95.9 93.3
Health 99 109.7
Miscellaneous 97.3 104.3
100=national average
Denver is
17%
more expensive than Houston.

Housing
is the biggest factor in the cost of living difference.

Housing is
37%
more expensive in Denver.

Also consider this: I read that the fastest place growing in the United States for the next decade or so (growing in population and jobs) is the Texas Triangle (the triangle from Dallas to Houston and across to Austin and back up through San Antonio to Dallas).

There's a reason a lot of people live in and around Houston. It has a pretty reasonable cost of living (although it's a bit higher than Dallas). OTOH, although Texas doesn't have a state income tax, Houston has very high property taxes. Income changes, and you have deductions, but the value of your property pretty much always goes up and up.

Colorado has much lower property taxes, but it has a state income tax, AND it taxes things like Social Security, which other states do not. So you'll want to compare overall cost of living, including taxes.

So stay until you become acclimated & semi-comfortable. Then decide. Do you want to be a Denver ski bunny, or a Houston cowgirl or gardener?

[Jukesgrrl]

I've lived in five different states in my life. I advocate for people moving at least once in their lives because I see it as a great growth experience. How do we really know what we like or need if we have no points of comparison? I also advocate the idea that a person can't possibly have a good handle on what it's really like anywhere unless more than a year has been spent there. In eight months you haven't even experienced all the seasons! You probably haven't even decided which grocery store is best for you or met all your neighbors.

If you moved for a job and that new position made you uncomfortable or was unsuccessful for whatever reason, I suspect you are, indeed, homesick. You seek comfort and shelter from your feelings of distress. But, in fact, you could have had these same feeling if you switched jobs WITHIN Houston and the change didn't work out. Would you blame Houston if that were the case?

I have found I usually feel entirely differently about a place by the three-year period. I've either settled in and I feel like I have a new home or I have accumulated some realistic notions about why this isn't the place for me. Some places aren't for everybody. But we always have ourselves with us, so the place we live is rarely even 50% of the reason we are unhappy if our life isn't what we'd like it to be.

You no doubt have friends and family in Houston. You have not had enough time in Denver to replace that emotional support system. You know where everything is in Houston and what to expect, so you were relaxed most of the time you were there. Perhaps you and your husband have never spent so much time thrown together before, so there's that adjustment to make. There's no way you could have developed a true feeling of belonging in Denver ... YET.

Moving and having two different jobs in eight months would put anyone in a state of stress. I suspect you are blaming Denver for how you feel and that's rather unfair.

[Count David]

Originally Posted by bentstrider

People have been hounding me lately due to my current dissatisfaction with operations here in regards to transferring.
All I ever get is "SO ARE YOU GOING BACK TO CALIFORNIA?!?! HUH HUH HUH?!?"

I tell them Phoenix or Portland and they just look at me like I burned the Bear Flag or something.

I think (subconsciously) many people expect Californians to run home with their tails between their legs if it doesn't work out in a new state. I couldn't tell you how many times we were told "you'll be back within 6 months". Sure, we have a lot of boomerangs, but many of us are hardy souls.

Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe

So, I'm wondering if the Colorado culture is too different from Texas culture and making friends is harder there.

I haven't spent much time in Texas, but Colorado culture is nothing like you've described in your posts about Texas. I find Coloradans to be superficially friendly at best, and aloof at worst. The culture is seriously just Broncos here.

[Chubsworth]

Denver is weird, you have to be at least 2nd generation to not have that "it's nice, but something just doesn't seem right" feeling about the place. (and to qualify for the cool "NATIVE" license plate sticker)

[Count David]

Originally Posted by Chubsworth

Denver is weird, you have to be at least 2nd generation to not have that "it's nice, but something just doesn't seem right" feeling about the place. (and to qualify for the cool "NATIVE" license plate sticker)

Well, then at least my 3 year old will get it.

[Texas Ag 93]

Originally Posted by Chubsworth

Denver is weird, you have to be at least 2nd generation to not have that "it's nice, but something just doesn't seem right" feeling about the place. (and to qualify for the cool "NATIVE" license plate sticker)

There is something to this, and David's similar statement. Denver is great, but there is indeed something superficial about it. Almost like everyone is visiting from somewhere else, and to some degree, that is exactly it. Such a small % of people here are natives, and so few families have multiple generations here, that it sometimes seems like everyone is just passing through and the city lacks in a defined personality.

[EclecticEars]

Originally Posted by David Aguilar

For me, Denver is absolutely awesome, on paper. But I just can't put my finger on it. I can't even find anything wrong with Denver, and it's been really good to me. It's basically perfect. I just don't feel any emotional connection to it.

I am homesick for my native CA fairly often, but I know if I were to go back, I'd really regret it, because I wanted out of there so bad to begin with. I feel like I should trust my past feelings, even though I do indeed have an emotional connection to CA that I don't have with Denver.

I think contentment with a place comes from what you/your soul sees in it. Sometimes you have everything in common, and it doesn't work out, and vice versa.

Do what feels good, do what makes your heart feel warm. You won't regret it.

My sentiments exactly for me. I moved from Kentucky to California and while I'm away from California for a bit, I can't wait to get back. Will I stay there forever? Well, I probably won't retire there, but I wouldn't go back if I didn't like it.

That said, I get homesick for Kentucky quite often and have an emotional bond with the state that I'll never have with California. But I wanted out of Kentucky so badly for years and some things have happened there involving family and friends since I moved away that have just lessened my desire even more to move back. Maybe when I'm 60 and ready to retire to a cheaper cost of living...