Another "I moved out of state and I hate it" post. (quality of life, moved to)
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I think the friendships you make can be a huge difference! I moved from AZ to NJ and loved it. Made some amazing friends. We were priced out of NJ and moved to PA. Absolutely hated it. I was depressed, missed NJ like crazy. It took me awhile to realize it was the strong friendships I had built.
We were in PA for 5 years and I just didn't connect with anyone like I did in NJ. I was lonely. We moved to Texas a year ago and love it. I have been able to finally meet some great people that I can see as true friends.
The people we surround ourselves with can make all the difference!!
Sorry to hear you're going through this! It is such an emotional time. You know, even though your move is from one U.S. city to another, there is still culture shock. Moving is an enormous stressor, so do not underestimate what you're going through. I am in the process of moving cross country now, and I can already see plenty of doubts and crying jags in my future.
I would recommend staying for at least another year. 8 months isn't enough time to be fully "adjusted" to a new place. If you stay there for two years, you can at least say you gave it a fair shot and didn't like it. Given your initial feelings about Denver, there is a real possibility that you are just in a culture shock phase of deeply feeling like it isn't right because it isn't familiar. When people are going through stressful situations, they don't like change and they don't like anything that feels different in any way. It's human nature and the way we are built. I went through this when I moved out of the country. Then, at some point, I really adjusted to the new place, loved it, and was sad when I had to move back.
(((hugs))). I completely feel for you! Be kind to yourself and don't make any rash decisions. That's my advice.
I agree with the others that say give it a year or two (probably two, just to be sure) and then call it quits if you still are unhappy.
I too have been suffering from acute homesickness. In my case it's lasted over a decade and I'm coming to the conclusion that I'll never bond with this place I'm in. Never really. I may "accept" it if I must, and I know my attitude needs to change, but I don't think I'll ever actually love it or feel that it's "home."
I'm from California and moved to the midwest (for family reasons). I started out trying to accept the midwest, trying to like it and adapt, but I had some bad experiences (some just happenstance) and that left a sour taste in my mouth. I couldn't adjust to the sports obsession and I missed the landscapes and beauty of back home. There is beauty everywhere, but the "beauty" of the midwest wasn't the same, and I missed what I grew up with.
I feel torn when I read your story, OP, because part of me wants to scream at you to go home to Houston! I know what it feels like to be homesick, and I hate to hear of others suffering and toughing it out in a place where they're unhappy, because they're "supposed" to like it, or it "sounds" better to live there (on paper). Sometimes you have to go with your gut and your heart. And if your heart belongs in Houston, that's where you should be.
But . . . if you've been in Denver less than a year, I think you need to give it a little more time and in the back of your mind, think, "I CAN go back to Houston if things get really miserable." Knowing that you have that "out" and escape plan may help. You won't feel so imprisoned or trapped.
In a way I feel imprisoned by where I live now, I feel guilty for wanting to leave and I feel that sometimes the more pressure you get to love a place, the less likely you are to love it. So my advice is to stop trying to accept it, but don't dwell on why you hate it. See what comes out. Remember, you can always leave.
I do feel some relief just thinking about how I can leave this midwestern town I'm in. Things are far from settled, and there may be reasons that make it impractical to leave (at least not for years) but just thinking that I have an escape plan does help me cope.
I do think having a good attitude and not dwelling on why you hate a place is a good thing. But I also think that you have to be honest with yourself and if you continue to be unhappy in a year or so, no amount of sugar-coating or denial will change that. That's the time to pull the plug and return to Houston. So, give yourself time and ride it out and see what develops.
I'm another vote for giving it more time. It took my husband over two years to stop threatening to move us back to NY/NJ after we moved to SC. He deals with homesickness by taking an annual trip to NYC to visit with friends. This also gives him a chance to see that NYC is changing and is NOT what it was in 2006. And is definitely not what it was when I moved there in 1997.
As for me, I grew up in a military family so we moved every 3-5 years until I graduated high school. Moving doesn't bother me.
The key is to get involved and not even entertain the idea of going back. When we moved to SC in 2006 I joined a book club, went to happy hour with my new co-workers, and took advantage of local arts/culture. I also made sure our kids met a lot of other kids in the neighborhood so they could feel a connection to the new area.
My suggestion is treat your new city like an extended vacation - go out to dinner once a week until you find a favorite restaurant, take advantage of the culture (plays, concerts, etc.). If you are in an established neighborhood, find out if your neighborhood has a club of some kind. Mine has several, including a book club, a Bunco club. They recently started a dinner club and a wine club and I heard another Bunco club was forming, too, since the other one is full. If there currently isn't a club, considering STARTING one.
The only way to like your new city is to MAKE it your home. The only way to make it your home is to become engaged.
We moved to Reno from Northern California 14 years ago, I really tried to like Reno but I just didn't care for it. My husband had a great job there and we had a lovely home. When we moved I convinced myself that Northern California was "only" about 3 hours from there so we could visit our friends and family any time we wanted...unfortunately "anytime" generally excludes winter because that little trek over the pass has taken me 7 or 8 hours more times than I can count.
We were told by 'everyone' that Reno is cheaper than California and there is something fun to do year round. That is wrong on both counts, I don't do winter sports so I found Reno one of the most boring places I have ever been to, the cold winters were just miserable, and the only thing cheaper is that there is no state income tax and housing is somewhat cheaper- everything else is as, or more expensive than California. Even if it had lived up to all the claims people made about it, Reno still never would have felt like home.
My husband recently retired and we immediately sold our house in Reno and moved to Sacramento, I am so happy here - I love everything about it; the weather, all the restaurants and shopping and the trees..OMG I love all these trees! We have a 50' Redwood in our front yard and the first thing I do every morning is walk outside just so I can smell it.
Thanks everyone. I agree, we really need to give it more time, but we decided not to. We are in the process of finding a home in TX. MY husband is away all the time, he's worn out and he hates it, I hate him being gone all the time too and it doesn't seem like it's going to get any better. Not to mention that I miss being in TX and not bonding with this place at all.
It's a bit of a sad situation but at least we gave it a try, it just didn't work out the way we thought it would.
Just an update for everyone reading this who's going through the same situation or just looking to see the outcome. We moved back to TX about 2 months ago and couldn't be happier. I'm so glad we came back, I think about how grateful I am for being here everyday. My husband comes home every night and we are back to a city we love and are so familiar with. There was nothing good that I learned from moving to CO but it was a mistake that I will try to learn from in the future.
OP, thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm currently in a similar boat. I moved from my hometown and tried to like where i currently am. Been here 2 years. Its just not for me. I miss home for various reasons, have visited and it only confirmed how much i wanna move back. Just not liking where i am but at least i gave it a shot. I'm moving back Asap! Yay for cross country moves! Lol glad to hear you are happy about your decision to move back home and can't wait til i can say the same.
My family and I moved from Houston TX to OH. At first we were excited about moving simply because OH is cheaper than TX but the lifestyle here is completely different from TX and to be honest we've been here not even a year yet and my brothers and I are feeling lonely. I personally have not been able to make any friend yet. I am trying to connect with people but it's just not happening but it probably makes sense since we've not even totalized 2 years yet and on top of that, this state is just not safer and people down here got attitudes compared to people from TX so we're here just for a period of time but we've decided that we will eventually just end up going back to TX I have a fiancé he's also from TX but he wanna move this side but I'm trying to convince him that it's not worth it. I just don't feel at home here. Texas is where we belong but for now we got no choice but to just be here I can't wait to move back though.
My family and I moved from Houston TX to OH. At first we were excited about moving simply because OH is cheaper than TX but the lifestyle here is completely different from TX and to be honest we've been here not even a year yet and my brothers and I are feeling lonely. I personally have not been able to make any friend yet. I am trying to connect with people but it's just not happening but it probably makes sense since we've not even totalized 2 years yet and on top of that, this state is just not safer and people down here got attitudes compared to people from TX so we're here just for a period of time but we've decided that we will eventually just end up going back to TX I have a fiancé he's also from TX but he wanna move this side but I'm trying to convince him that it's not worth it. I just don't feel at home here. Texas is where we belong but for now we got no choice but to just be here I can't wait to move back though.
Texas is a great state. I lived in Austin for a couple of years and loved it. Texans are friendly.
With the pandemic, it's hard to make friends. My daughter moved out-of-state at the start of the pandemic and hasn't made friends either. It's just an awful time.
When I moved from NYC to Boston, I was homesick. I never really adjusted to MA and it's residences. It funny how different states personality are. Same country, but different attitudes and lifestyles.
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