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Old 10-11-2014, 07:04 PM
 
23 posts, read 131,212 times
Reputation: 36

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My husband and I moved from Houston to Denver 8 months ago. We moved here after visiting Denver a few times and falling in love with the better weather, traffic, and crime rate. I had what I thought was a good job offer and it was one of the incentives to move. Husband just transferred to another branch in the same company. After I started working I realized I hated the job for many reasons and eventually quit. Now that the job didn't work out, all I think about is going back to Houston. I accepted a job offer in my husband's company so we both are able to transfer back to Houston.

I still think Denver is wonderful and I'm not saying that I hate it, but for some reason I have a strong urge to move back. I don't even understand what it is, maybe homesickness. People told me if I visit Houston then I won't be homesick anymore. I visited for a week and it made me want to go back even more. I still do think Denver is better than Houston in many ways but Houston is the one I'm in love with and I have no "connection" to Denver. I do have family and a friend in Houston but I only saw them about once a month or 2 months. My husband would like to stay here but doesn't mind moving either, he's neutral about either option.

Being here is making me depressed and I don't even understand why, it's beautiful here but I just want to be in my "hometown" and be where I was familiar with everything. I'm just afraid I will regret moving back, but how do we know we'd regret it unless we try it? and by that time it would be too late to change our minds again because once we move we want to settle down in the same house for a long time because we're tired of moving.

I feel lost, embarrassed and whole lot of other negative emotions. Any words of wisdom? Anyone moved back after moving to another state and were glad they did?
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Old 10-11-2014, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,815 posts, read 27,274,066 times
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If you were saying that you were dead certain you were ready to move back to Houston and never move from Texas again, I'd be all for you moving back.

The problem I'm seeing, is that you just don't seem to be happy, generally, in life. You weren't happy in Houston, therefore, moving to Denver would be great. Then you decided you didn't like the job, and that you didn't like Denver. And you think you want to move back to Houston, but you aren't sure you'll really want to stay there, either.

And the fact that you mentioned you've moved around a lot, and you want to stop moving, tells me this isn't the first time you've been unhappy and were chasing the idea that if you just move over there, or if you just get that job....then you'd be happy.

I think you should make the commitment to stay put for one more year, and get some counseling.

I say this because I did this when I was young. After a bunch of counseling, and being told that "wherever you go, there you are," I was able to make some changes in my life and my attitude (and for me that had to include not being in contact with my toxic family anymore). Then, when I made the decision to move back to California for good, I knew I meant it.

But, I grew up on CA, moved to WA state out of high school, moved to TN, back to CA, back to WA, to Mexico, to Canada, and finally back to CA to stay.

Only one of those moves was for a job. The rest was me thinking if I just move somewhere else, I'll be happy.

So, just consider it, anyway - getting counseling and maybe even some anti-depressants to get you through this. But, that's a lot of change in a short period of time - an out-of-state move and 2 jobs in 8 months. I think you need to stay put and re-group and figure out if your depression is the underlying "problem" with wherever you are.

I doubt that's what you were looking to hear, but that was my life experience. I'm positive I'll never leave CA again. I will probably change cities a few times (for better and better low income housing options). But, I won't leave northern CA ever again.
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Old 10-11-2014, 08:45 PM
 
23 posts, read 131,212 times
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I appreciate you sharing your experience with me. I'm not looking to read what I want to hear, I'd like to have an open mind and hear about other peoples' experiences and hopefully learn from them.

This is the first time we move out of state, most of our moves used to be for better or safer housing, closer to work...etc within the city. I do agree with you that I foolishly thought that my life would be better here (It is better in some aspects, it just doesn't seem to be worth it though) I feel like I mostly wanted to move because of the job and when that didn't work, I stopped seeing a good reason to be here.

I know for a fact that I wasn't as miserable there as I am here. We will definitely give it more time to see if it works out. I made a mistake thinking that moving here would make me happier/ make my life better, I just don't know whether going back would fix that mistake or make it even worse, I guess only time will tell.
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:01 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,815 posts, read 27,274,066 times
Reputation: 38141
Quote:
Originally Posted by sfe11 View Post
I appreciate you sharing your experience with me. I'm not looking to read what I want to hear, I'd like to have an open mind and hear about other peoples' experiences and hopefully learn from them.

This is the first time we move out of state, most of our moves used to be for better or safer housing, closer to work...etc within the city. I do agree with you that I foolishly thought that my life would be better here (It is better in some aspects, it just doesn't seem to be worth it though) I feel like I mostly wanted to move because of the job and when that didn't work, I stopped seeing a good reason to be here.

I know for a fact that I wasn't as miserable there as I am here. We will definitely give it more time to see if it works out. I made a mistake thinking that moving here would make me happier/ make my life better, I just don't know whether going back would fix that mistake or make it even worse, I guess only time will tell.
Well, sometimes you just need to learn that the grass isn't greener somewhere else, to realize there's a lot you really do like about where you were before. So, you may decide if/when you move back to Houston that the good outweighs the bad.

I may have read too much of my story in yours. Knowing that you were just moving around in the same city puts an entirely different light on things.

I guess I'd say to trust your husband's take on the situation. He probably knows you best.

I wish you the very best and loads of happiness in the future - wherever that turns out to be.
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:16 PM
 
23 posts, read 131,212 times
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Thank you! and thanks for sharing your thoughts and story. I did see similarities in both of our histories, only difference is that I'm not emotionally strong enough to move to as many different states as you did I think my problem is that I'm too emotionally attached to Houston even though there's a lot I don't like about it. I will give myself time to reflect and figure things out along with talking about it with my husband.

I guess the positive side to all of this is that I would've never found out I'd hate it here if we hadn't moved and would have always wondered what if.
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,815 posts, read 27,274,066 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sfe11 View Post

I guess the positive side to all of this is that I would've never found out I'd hate it here if we hadn't moved and would have always wondered what if.
That is so true! I moved to Nashville for a job, and also had hopes of a singing career. I'm so glad I went, because I learned that I hated the music business! LOL! And I also don't like living in the South. And Texas is not the south. If I didn't live in CA, I'd live in TX. I love Texans. Such friendly, hospitable people.

Shoot, maybe you're experiencing culture shock, too? I have only ever quickly visited CO, so I don't know if they're as friendly as Texans. I'm not sure there's anywhere in the US where people are as friendly as they are in TX. The closest culture I can think of would maybe be Australia. Seriously. I love CA, but it's where I grew up. I get the people here. But, I found it so easy to make friends in TX. More so than anywhere else I've lived. So, maybe you just feel like a fish out of water in CO? That's how I felt in TN.
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Old 10-11-2014, 10:09 PM
MJ7
 
6,221 posts, read 9,516,100 times
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Wow, what job was it you had in Denver? It was really that bad, that you decided to quit? It sounds like your bad experience in that company left a sour taste in your mouth as far as Denver is concerned. It also sounds like you are just settling with the same company your husband works for? In any case, do what makes you happy. Advice from a fellow Houstonian.
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Old 10-11-2014, 10:18 PM
 
23 posts, read 131,212 times
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haha! Bad things do happen for a reason I know what you mean about the south, I've visited a few southern states and I wasn't a big fan either, maybe after a while it grows on ya or something.
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Old 10-11-2014, 10:25 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,815 posts, read 27,274,066 times
Reputation: 38141
Quote:
Originally Posted by sfe11 View Post
haha! Bad things do happen for a reason I know what you mean about the south, I've visited a few southern states and I wasn't a big fan either, maybe after a while it grows on ya or something.
I was in TN for 5 years and the only think I miss are the fireflies... I love fireflies! But, they don't live in CA. But, I never fit in there. Couldn't wait to get back out west.
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Old 10-11-2014, 10:31 PM
 
Location: TOVCCA
8,451 posts, read 13,055,911 times
Reputation: 12454
The 5 Stages Of Grief, As Applied To A Cross-Country Move | Thought Catalog
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