Dealing with a move you regret (job, renting, cheap, moved to)
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Hello! I am wondering if anyone has had an experience of moving, mostly on a whim, somewhere they pretty much immediately regretted. How did you cope before escaping, if you did escape?
I moved to Philadelphia after living in the rural suburbs of PA and NJ all my life. I had never been a city person, but a lot of factors accumulated at a certain point in my life and I took an opportunity to move in with some acquaintances known through a friend for cheap. I am now itching to get out, and hopefully will in two months' time. I am currently home for the holiday and try to make as many trips home or away to visit friends as I can, and every time I dread returning. Not only am I unhappy living in/near the city, but my housemates keep the place real filthy. I have great trouble dealing with filth and what's more is I feel duped since they had told me they appreciated cleanliness and weren't "typical dudes" as far as cleanliness goes.
I also continuously struggle with bouts of depression that get my perspectives all twisted so that I'm seeing things far worse than they are. I mostly find myself dwelling on the regret of moving at all, not even the situation at hand.
So. Anyone have experiences to share? Anyone stuck in a similar spot and wish to vent, rant, or have questions?
Hopefully this experience will be a learning one for you in the future....If you are going to move in with someone know them well enough to know what you are getting into AND more importantly, know YOURSELF well enough to know what kind of environment and location will make YOU happy. Since you are only renting and don't own anything it should be pretty easy to sever ties and find someplace to move with room mates that are more compatable.
Ps....How do you think you will get any advice that was different from your Moved to Philadelphia and Miserable thread? You are asking the same question!
I've paid my way out of more than one lease early. Found myself by drug houses when weather turned warm & everyone was outside coming & going too much...Harassed by nuts immediately and just don't feel safe...Terrible job & no other local options. Hurt on premises and needing weeks in hospital...Leaving early is fine. Take care of your responsibility and ditch it. If it is safety issue, just move while everyone is at work.
I'm a stable person too. Things are just too stupid some places to deal with some of the crap that happens and sometimes cops just stand by until someone gets hurt. Move while these are at work. If you are under contract, take care of responsibly if you can or just deal with it later. Take pictures and leave it.
Wow dude I am sorry to hear you had those experiences. My situation isn't "unsafe" at this point, at least not externally. Definitely for my mental health....don't have to sneak away or anything. But after a week home I am considering putting in my two weeks at my job and starting to move my stuff out. I can pay a month and live there part-time...stop in for a crash every now and then. It's true, there's no reason to make yourself suffer when there are ways out. I just don't want to wait, honestly! I don't trust my roommates to be proactive about finding a replacement! Relying on others is the worst.
I hope things have improved for you, mostlysunny. Get away from those people and environments!
And 68551...this is specifically asking for folks to share their own experiences. I found some threads closer to my situation in this "general moving" section than the Philadelphia section. Just trying to diversify feedback. I'm sorry if it's bothered you. As for your comment, I have learned a lot from this mistake. I would just like to cope while I'm still in it.
And 68551...this is specifically asking for folks to share their own experiences. I found some threads closer to my situation in this "general moving" section than the Philadelphia section. Just trying to diversify feedback. I'm sorry if it's bothered you. As for your comment, I have learned a lot from this mistake. I would just like to cope while I'm still in it.
Thanks, all
Nothing against you....You are new here and you will find a lot of people here start a thread, get responses, then when things die down & they get less and less responses they start another thread about the very same issue. Good luck, you are in a tough situation...I would be having a tough love talk with my "friend" that talked me into this mess!!! Maybe you can shame her into letting you out of your agreement.
Just remember that nothing is irrevocable. I moved to one place I deeply hated, but the year passed before I knew it, and I used the experience as a catalyst to find an ideal living situation. You will too.
How long have you been living in the new area? Sometimes you just need time to adjust.
As for your roommates can you talk to them because it is not fair to you to keep the place a mess? Did you all sign a lease together? If you decide to move can you find a person to sublet your room if the LL allows this?
If you give 2 weeks notice to your job what will you do for employment? I am not sure what type of job this is and if you will be able to find a new one.
I am sorry you have depression and that can make things even harder. Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist?
How long have you been living in the new area? Sometimes you just need time to adjust.
As for your roommates can you talk to them because it is not fair to you to keep the place a mess? Did you all sign a lease together? If you decide to move can you find a person to sublet your room if the LL allows this?
If you give 2 weeks notice to your job what will you do for employment? I am not sure what type of job this is and if you will be able to find a new one.
I am sorry you have depression and that can make things even harder. Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist?
It generally takes 9-12 for people to adjust to a new place, with a lot of problems in between. But, in some cases, the move really does turn out to be a bad idea. In the OP's situation, if i had made a final decision to move on, I would do it, quickly and not prolong the agony. Another strategy is to take care of the problems that are right in front of us - wrong room-mates, for example. Solving these problems, a day at a time, can turn things around, since they may be the real cause of the regret, not the move itself.
These comments are helping me so much. Thank you, thank you all again.
68551 - Ha, I have been hinting at her kind of being the spark to all this. But she has no more power than I do to change things. She has been supportive of my grief and decision to bail. I couldn't hold it against her.
PlainWhite - That is what I've been telling myself now. I have already chosen to escape rather than tough it through, but thank you for the inspiration.
Daniella - So...it's actually only been 3 months.....heh. But as I said, I've never been city person, and it seems after all that that's not something you can just grow into. I am withering without open spaces. I have nagged the guys. It's just in their person to be messy and not be bothered by it. They are stoners and gamers. So they're very nice and easy going, but perhaps a little too much so for cohabiting. So it would only be constant nagging and probably make things tense in the long run. We do plan to get a sublet - or at least they do. Or one does. I have found many interested people, but they want it to be a friend. Funny, since we weren't exactly friends when I agreed to move in with them....ah but I'm trying to be zen about that.
I have not found a therapist around these parts. I think that was also hesitation to get too settled here.
Frihed - That is indeed constructive advice. Alas, I have made the decision to get out and quick.
I have put in my two weeks at work. I have savings for moving costs and plan to start hauling things out as soon as work is done. I will pay for the three months I am told it will take for someone to take over. Reading people's experiences, I've come to terms with it being better to pay for peace of mind and comfort in a better environment than to suffer for my money's worth. Sigh. It is just stressful to wait for things to be set in motion.
I think that's all I wanted to say. Thanks, guys
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