Failed Move. Want To Try Again. Need Advice. (cheaper, expensive, climate)
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I think I was severely misunderstood here. My husband's cousin lived in NC, and when we visited it was great, which was our starting point for our move. I did NOT like the weather in NC, and neither did the kids. It's not like we shot a dart at a map, and decided to move where it landed. We visited the area, and knew people there. It wasn't for us. I'm asking for advice on how to make my child excited for a move, and not dread it. He has asthma, which limited our outside time in NC due to the thick air. I've always said we just chose the wrong area. I do not like the area we are in due to increased crime, and 6 month heavy winters. It is not a matter of "growing up," or securing a job, it is a matter of finding a place that we are all happy as a family. That being said, it is neither NY, or NC.
You have a learning experience under your belt. You learned the hard way like most of us do. I think it would be extra hard moving because you have your children, husband and self to consider in the move. I've never had more than myself and husband to think about. Maybe research possible places on-line first--places that fit for your job, climate and other things important to you. Just start somewhere. Then narrow it down further on paper. Then, finally, visit a few places w/ your family. I don't know how much young children can really know what they're getting into, but maybe they'll appreciate the fact you included them in the process, even from their limited perspective.
Moving is hard no matter what. So much to adapt to and some of it is plain luck, regardless of how much research you do. That's why many people never move! It's stressful as heck and you never know what the end result is going to be. Don't give up and good luck!
Where you live is such a subjective issue. There are places I wouldn't visit, let alone live, with many happy and fulfilled residents. You are the only one who can know what will make you happy and what won't.
Everywhere has something about it which sucks, whether it's weather, cost of living, lack of medical care, poor schools, etc. If long, hot summers are worse for you than long, cold winters, than stay in NY. If long, cold winters are anathema, head back to NC.
Kids will eventually settle and be happy wherever they are, unless they are close to your extended family which could affect your decision. We moved our three kids from CT to CA when they were 16, 12 and 9 and they were just fine. Seek out the positives of a new location, especially what appeals to your children's interests. Our 16 year old was (and still is) a horse nut, so we focused on that for her.
Whatever you decide, it won't be perfect. Choose a place where there is more to like than dislike. Good luck!
My dilemma is, because my kids (11, 8, 3) were SO unhappy with our last move, my 11 year old son is very against us moving. He says he wants to stay near family, and his friends.
Well, if your kids are anything like most kids their friends will change whenever they change school. Not to mention around age 13 is the ugly duckling phase so your kid is likely to have a rough time no matter what.
As far as family goes if it's a major issue just limit your move to somewhere within day trip distance so you can do vacations and holidays together.
That said I'd make sure wherever you moved was a step up and/or not somewhere that would be such a culture shock.
Personally speaking if my folks would have moved us from the Columbus area to NC back when they had planned on doing it my life would have been vastly different and not in a good way (my Pittsburgh years probably would have been replaced with living in Charlotte for example).
I did live with relatives here over the summer when I was ten. All I remember was going hiking, the library, playing in the woods, horses, and lots of BS bible school stuff. I don't think Asheville was "cool" back then.
Having cousins near my age and grandma next door helped, but I still ended up getting homesick. But didn't later when I went away to school so I guess that worked out.
Last edited by Port Pitt Ash; 09-24-2015 at 05:03 PM..
To the OP, when I was a kid my family only moved long distances because of my father's career an nothing more. We upgraded to nicer houses when my parents felt the need, but they moved close enough to keep my sister and I in the same school district. They never packed up and moved for the sake of trying to make the family happier.
Happiness comes from the family and the home, not the city they live in. Im glad my parents did not yank me around the country for the sake of going someplace new. We only moved to different parts of the country a few times and that was because there was a job opportunity that could not be passed up. Trust me, we lived in North East Ohio and none of us ever particularly raved about the winters, the urban decay, or the lack of culture, but it was home to us and we were comfortable there as a family. It's where my dads company was located so that where he made his money and where we needed to live.
When I was in highschool, my dad had to go manage a factory that was a couple of hours away from his corporate office where he worked and where we lived. He chose to drive those long hours and sometimes stay in an apartment nearby the factory as opposed to uprooting us again. In that case, he knew the project was only going to take two years. Im so glad he did that as opposed to moving us to another town across the state when we were in the swing of our highschool years. Moving is harder for kids than adults I think.
When we moved from NoNJ to NC/SC it took me 4 summers to get used to the hot summers. Now, after 10 years here, I don't even notice it much anymore.
We tried it for five years after moving from Southern California to a place a few degrees cooler than Charlotte. It didn't get any easier. It got harder. I just started spending less time outside. Some people can take the heat; others can't. Those who can't, look elsewhere, as OP is doing.
OP, talk to the kids about why you might move - at least the reasons that they will understand. Discuss different parts of the country - the terrain, the weather, the culture. Talk about the differences between cities, suburbs, and rural areas. Let them express their thoughts.
At the same time, never let them think that this is their decision. While they can contribute ideas and preferences, it should be clear to them that the adults are making the decisions. That way, if it doesn't work out well, the children are not burdened with the responsibility of it being in any way their fault.
Hi, everyone. So, my family and I moved to North Carolina from NY for 2 years. It was quite a culture shock for our us as we are used to the 4 seasons, and things being close, and centrally located. We stayed in NC because I had landed a federal job, and we liked our neighborhood. My kids on the other hand were absolutely miserable. It was so hot from May thru September, we couldn't even enjoy time outside. They were homesick , and it began to rub off on my husband, and I. Both of our families all live in New York. We decided to move back home for the sake of our children's happiness. We've been back in NY for 9 months now, and I'm beginning to grow tired of it. All the reasons we left are just like slapping me in the face. My dilemma is, because my kids (11, 8, 3) were SO unhappy with our last move, my 11 year old son is very against us moving. He says he wants to stay near family, and his friends. He even begged me to live with grandma if we decided to move. What do I do? I'm torn. Pro/con lists are useless, as they usually come out pretty even. Any advice is appreciated!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MomWifeNurse23
I think I was severely misunderstood here. My husband's cousin lived in NC, and when we visited it was great, which was our starting point for our move. I did NOT like the weather in NC, and neither did the kids. It's not like we shot a dart at a map, and decided to move where it landed. We visited the area, and knew people there. It wasn't for us. I'm asking for advice on how to make my child excited for a move, and not dread it. He has asthma, which limited our outside time in NC due to the thick air. I've always said we just chose the wrong area. I do not like the area we are in due to increased crime, and 6 month heavy winters. It is not a matter of "growing up," or securing a job, it is a matter of finding a place that we are all happy as a family. That being said, it is neither NY, or NC.
I think you'd get more help if your desired location was clearer. From the above I got that you want:
four seasons
short winters
short or not-too-hot summers
not humid
not bad for asthma
low crime
a large town or city with a walkable area or at least a compact area with services and shopping
all of the above that also pleases all members of your family
I am wondering if part of your reference to "culture shock," included the southern culture. If so, you might want to stay north or west, or even southwest. I have always really enjoyed people from New York. I love the directness of how they approach you and speak their minds clearly. I moved to TN for 5 years and couldn't stand how they pussyfoot around an issue. It works for them, but I was so happy to get back west. I'm thinking you'd find the western culture to be a much more comfortable fit, too.
For low humidity, you're going to have to come west.
For good outdoor recreation and clean air, with four seasons, you're looking at the mountain areas.
I'm thinking Colorado. Maybe a large town or city with a university presence. They have such great energy. I loved living in university towns.
So, maybe there's something about Colorado that would be enticing to your kids.
Your kids might be thinking that you are just wishy washy, and if you move again, it may never end. I suggest you sit them down and let them know that New York is not somewhere you want to raise them for many reasons, including your son's health, which I'm assuming is a factor, along with weather and crime. That you had hoped moving somewhere where there was already family (the cousin), that it would work out. But, you were wrong. But, NY is still not going to work.
So, kids, you can get on board and help us find a place we can move to, or we will simply make the decision without you. And no, you can't live with grandma.
Then, I do hope you all like your new place and live a long and happy life there :-)
This qualifies as throwing darts at a dartboard. Are you willing to move to North Dakota? Lots of jobs there, actually. Are you willing to move to Mississippi? Alabama? Alaska? Most places have 4 seasons. Most places outside of deserts will have heat and humidity at some point. What's too long of a summer? What's too long of a winter? How much money is too much to spend? San Diego has perfect weather, but it's $$$$$$ even compared to NY.
I'll say it again - your kids don't want to move because they don't trust you to make a good decision about it, and this is why.
This qualifies as throwing darts at a dartboard. Are you willing to move to North Dakota? Lots of jobs there, actually. Are you willing to move to Mississippi? Alabama? Alaska? Most places have 4 seasons. Most places outside of deserts will have heat and humidity at some point. What's too long of a summer? What's too long of a winter? How much money is too much to spend? San Diego has perfect weather, but it's $$$$$$ even compared to NY.
I'll say it again - your kids don't want to move because they don't trust you to make a good decision about it, and this is why.
I have to agree with twingles. I think some "growing up" is in order. You weren't ready to move to NC. That the summers there are hot and humid is not exactly a secret. Moving your three kids(one asthmatic)that far is a big deal. One that, it appears, you didn't plan well enough for. Did you honestly think they wouldn't get homesick? They were miserable for 2 years because of your decision; why would they want to move with you again?
And frankly, I have to question where your husband is in all this. From what you described, his attitude is "whatever makes the family happy". Well, why doesn't he take some more responsibility to ensure that his family is happy? Why is he leaving these decisions up to you, especially when you seem ill-prepared to make them?
This just strikes me as a very selfish pursuit, honestly. It sounds like you're the only one in the family who is determined to move, but you're no longer 22 and single; you're a mother with three kids.
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