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Thread summary:

Relocating from Southern California to Texas; seeking advice on leaving elderly parents behind, family wants to leave, should husband make final decision

 
Old 02-01-2008, 12:41 AM
 
61 posts, read 208,668 times
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And what, you might ask, is the one big "con?" My parents. I've lived within a 5 mile radius of the home I grew up in my entire life. I'm 42. I have two kids, 11 and 13, and a darling hubby. His folks would probably come with us (to TX), but mine would not. They are 80 and 75.

Seriously, the only con of moving is leaving them. Has anyone had this situation? Family is important, but is sticking around here (where I am miserable) just in case my folks get decrepit a good reason to stay? Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not trying to be crass. It's hard to write this and sound gentle, the way I mean it.

The decision to leave rests firmly on my husband's shoulders at this point. He is heading to TX next week to scope out jobs, and see if he feels he can work there and make enough money. I'm decided. In fact, if we don't go, I'm going to be devastated. I hate So Cal - I really want out.
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Old 02-01-2008, 07:39 AM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,487,274 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RobertsGirl View Post
And what, you might ask, is the one big "con?" My parents. I've lived within a 5 mile radius of the home I grew up in my entire life. I'm 42. I have two kids, 11 and 13, and a darling hubby. His folks would probably come with us (to TX), but mine would not. They are 80 and 75.
If you ever depend on them to watch your kids while you have some time out...That is a big CON...we have never been around family and now w/kids that would sure help a lot but not at the expense of being miserable if you are around family...
Seriously, the only con of moving is leaving them. Has anyone had this situation? Family is important, but is sticking around here (where I am miserable) just in case my folks get decrepit a good reason to stay? Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not trying to be crass. It's hard to write this and sound gentle, the way I mean it.
Well, if you have never been away from them, leaving them at 42 will be hard but for me, the happiness of my immediate family (me, hubby, kids) is more important. You can always visit at holidays and it will be that much MORE special as opposed to seeing them every day or so...

The decision to leave rests firmly on my husband's shoulders at this point. He is heading to TX next week to scope out jobs, and see if he feels he can work there and make enough money. I'm decided. In fact, if we don't go, I'm going to be devastated. I hate So Cal - I really want out.
It sound like your decision is already made...To be honest if you are living in California, Texas will be very refreshing...there are so many more possibilities for quality of life such as better schools and you can eventually be able to buy a home. There are a lot of californians that have moved to Texas. I would not put all the decision on your husband. You need to be at peace w/whatever you both feel is best for your family. I think putting it all on him is too much pressure and also, you don't want to hold the move against him if it does not work out. I always say, give it 6 months to a year and if you are still having too many problems at your new place, move back, that is always an option. But if you NEVER try, you will NEVER know. Also, I think it is good for your children to see some independence on your part. Good luck...
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Old 02-01-2008, 10:37 AM
 
61 posts, read 208,668 times
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Originally Posted by therewego View Post
It sound like your decision is already made...To be honest if you are living in California, Texas will be very refreshing...there are so many more possibilities for quality of life such as better schools and you can eventually be able to buy a home. There are a lot of californians that have moved to Texas. I would not put all the decision on your husband. You need to be at peace w/whatever you both feel is best for your family. I think putting it all on him is too much pressure and also, you don't want to hold the move against him if it does not work out. I always say, give it 6 months to a year and if you are still having too many problems at your new place, move back, that is always an option. But if you NEVER try, you will NEVER know. Also, I think it is good for your children to see some independence on your part. Good luck...
At 11 and 13, the kids can stay by themselves. My mother-in-law did most of the watching of the kids when they were little. So, that's not a concern.

Well, the final decision is my husband's; can't avoid that. I already know what I want, so he has to see if he thinks he can make a go of it.

We wouldn't be able to come back. That's the other con, I suppose. Housing is so expensive here, that even with the equity from this house, we'd have to buy a dump in the high desert. Not gonna happen.

That's how I feel "If you never try, you will never know." I know our quality of life would improve there.

Thank you so much for your input.
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Old 02-01-2008, 12:22 PM
 
Location: West Michigan
12,083 posts, read 36,575,575 times
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As a parent yourself you have to ask the question: "Would I want my children to stay where they are miserable and be near me, or move someplace where they think will be better for themselves and their family?" As a parent myself I know the hard answer to that question is I would want my children to go where they feel will benefit them and their family. I made that decision but in reverse 2 years ago, and moved back closer to my parents when I thought they needed some help. My family will be leaving again in June to a place I know we work better together as a family. When the time comes that my parents cannot take care of themselves, either they will have to move closer to me or one of my Brothers and Sisters. Hard, but reality. Just as I know that I would feel selfish and greedy if I were to expect my kids to stay miserable, but close to me.

Good Luck!
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