pros and cons of moving away from family for financial freedom? (job, cheap)
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My family is in a similar position and chose to make the move, unfortunately I can't tell you yet how it turns out. It's really difficult sometimes living in a country that's so large in size. Sometimes the area your parents or grandparents chose to settle simply doesn't work well for your family or your siblings families due to the expense or job opportunities or many other reasons, and you're forced to choose between a not very good situation that's near family, or a good situation that's away from family. If your parents are all retired and you could afford a large house, would they be staying with you a lot in the new location? Is there some chance they're considering moving to a different area as part of retirement anyway, and having you in this new area might push them to it? Could your husband possibly receive a raise or promotion in the future that would negate some of the financial stress from you staying home in your current expensive area? I second the concerns about relying on free childcare from older parents-- would you be able to afford full time child care for however many children you plan to have if the parents are unable to do it? It's a tough call and I would wait a bit to decide. We already have a child and want to be settled somewhere soon, but without any kids yet you have some time.
Thank you all so much for the input. It's great to hear different opinions! We do not have children yet, but the grandparents are well aware of our work days and schedules and they were the ones to offer the help without us asking. I wouldn't have ever asked in the first place. We already have a great relationship with boundaries with our family that I don't think it will be a problem. I am home often and would never take advantage of anyone helping us out in any way. Yes, it would be another financial setback (but not detrimental) if we did have to pay for childcare for whatever reason.
We are able to afford where we are (we live on Long Island). And if we move we would still be making my husband's salary which is why we are contemplating it in the first place. We never thought to move until this opportunity with his job came up. We would have the financial freedom if we moved (we know where we would go already) that we never dreamed of having. It is just a more stressful and hectic life on Long Island that we want to get away from. We are just afraid, long-term, if it's the right move. Yes, we can always come back. But I don't think that would ever happen.
Even if family did not provide childcare, a concern is still my -future- children. Would it be selfish to live far away from a great family just because we wanted a little extra cash in our pockets.
Great friends of ours have children under 3 years old and they can't imagine taking them away from family even though they want to move too and the kids are so young. They don't want to take that bond away from their family or their kids. They wish they moved prior to having children. They might move eventually but they aren't worried about themselves at this point. And this is what I am afraid of.
Last edited by Jhandsteach; 04-01-2016 at 11:47 AM..
Even if family did not provide childcare, a concern is still my -future- children. Would it be selfish to live far away from a great family just because we wanted a little extra cash in our pockets.
Great friends of ours have children under 3 years old and they can't imagine taking them away from family even though they want to move too and the kids are so young. They don't want to take that bond away from their family or their kids. They wish they moved prior to having children. They might move eventually but they aren't worried about themselves at this point. And this is what I am afraid of.
First you are not moving for a little extra cash. You are moving for a better quality of life.
I live an ocean away from my family I used to feel very guilty about my kids not having extended family nearby. Then my daughter (6 or 7 at the time) set me straight. She is not missing anything because the life we have is the life she has always had. She is happy with what she has. Now with that said I have already told my children they are not allowed to move more than 2 hrs away from me.
Thank you all so much for the input. It's great to hear different opinions! We do not have children yet, but the grandparents are well aware of our work days and schedules and they were the ones to offer the help without us asking. I wouldn't have ever asked in the first place. We already have a great relationship with boundaries with our family that I don't think it will be a problem. I am home often and would never take advantage of anyone helping us out in any way. Yes, it would be another financial setback (but not detrimental) if we did have to pay for childcare for whatever reason.
We are able to afford where we are (we live on Long Island). And if we move we would still be making my husband's salary which is why we are contemplating it in the first place. We never thought to move until this opportunity with his job came up. We would have the financial freedom if we moved (we know where we would go already) that we never dreamed of having. It is just a more stressful and hectic life on Long Island that we want to get away from. We are just afraid, long-term, if it's the right move. Yes, we can always come back. But I don't think that would ever happen.
Even if family did not provide childcare, a concern is still my -future- children. Would it be selfish to live far away from a great family just because we wanted a little extra cash in our pockets.
Great friends of ours have children under 3 years old and they can't imagine taking them away from family even though they want to move too and the kids are so young. They don't want to take that bond away from their family or their kids. They wish they moved prior to having children. They might move eventually but they aren't worried about themselves at this point. And this is what I am afraid of.
Personally I wouldn't agonize so much about this being a forever and ever decision that you are making. In this day and age, it's annoying but very doable to move somewhere or move back to where you came from, plenty of people move multiple times with children and are able to make it happen. And young children are resilient. I would hesitate to move a teenager who is settled and happy as they are in a very delicate stage where making friends can be tough, but moving in early childhood or elementary age doesn't seem to phase kids much.
Jhand,
You want to move south. It's cheaper in the south.
Before you have kids, why don't you rent a place in the area that your
hubby would work? See if you can get something in your field, even part time
and try it out?
You could always rent your home to pay the mortgage in the meantime.
That is a big decision. Try your new town for at least a year and see if you think
it's all that much of a savings or not, to be away from family.
If you think it is, then you know your answer. Then look to sell your home
up in NY, and buy something at your new town.
600 miles away isn't all that far. Not really. You could fly there in less than 2 hours,
and it's about a 10 hour drive.
But, if you are serious, do try it out first. Rent. Don't buy. That way you own't loose so much if you get home sick and end up moving back to NY.
Personally, for myself, I would move in a heartbeat.
I can't stand the Northeast anymore, it's too congested, too expensive, UGH!
But that's just my opinion.
I have an 11 month old and cant imagine living far from parents. Youll need their help more than you think especially with an infant. There will be nights where you need someone to watch the baby just so you can actually sleep for once.
Can you rent out your home and try it out for a few years before fully committing? Would it be possible for your parents and in laws to relocate with you? They might want to relocate to a less expensive area, too-- and then you'd have the best of both worlds-- lower cost of living and having family around.
While I agree that having family around is wonderful, having financial security and the ability to choose whether or not to work outside the house is ALSO wonderful.
People can disregard extended family for personal gain all the want, but its nice to have them around. I see a lot of people moving "wherever" and not thinking twice, but heaven forbid should their kids do it one day.
When are you thinking about having children? If it is within a year or two, perhaps you should stay. But if it is longer than that you might want to think about trying the new place. People are willing and able to help now but what if something changes as another poster said. What if your parents/in laws become ill or incapacitated in some way? What if your friends receive their own job transfers and move away?
You can't really live your life according to what ifs but it is something to think about. Can you raise your family where you are now if you had limited or no help at all?
So, my husband and I are thinking of moving 600 miles away from family. We currently live in one of the most expensive places in the country and own a house that we have been renovating since we bought it 2 years ago. We don't have any children yet, but we live very close to my in-laws and an hour away from my family. We have a lot of other family and friends within an hours drive of us as well. When we do have children, I could stay home for a short while, but then my in-laws offered to watch them for us since financially, I couldn't be a full stay at home mom. My current job takes 1.5 hours to get to and from, and I dread that commute when I have a baby at home.
Now, we want to move to an area we love, that's much, MUCH cheaper and has a couple of friends/family within a couple of hours. Financially, I would be able to stay home and take care of our kids when we do have them.
I am wondering if any of you have experienced moving away from almost all of your family for a simpler, cheaper life and if it was worth it. I grew up with my family all around me, as did my husband. We are excited for the financial freedom if we do move, but it's hard to think of being away from our family once we have kids.
Do we take the leap? Do we suck it up and stay where we are? We are both very close to each other's family and have a great support system. There really are no pros to leaving family. It would be for financial freedom.
Lastly, we bought our home thinking this is our forever home. My husband and my father have done all the renovations. We put our heart and soul into this house. It breaks my heart thinking we might sell it and not raise kids here. My worst fear is moving...it not working out...we move back here....and have to buy a different house. There are so many factors that I can't decide which out way the other. Help!
My husband and I left everyone behind and moved to a small town in NC. We heard the cost of living was much cheaper and we wanted that small town feel. We loved it at first but after awhile we both realized that we had no family to celebrate the holidays with, no grandparents at the kids' birthday parties and no loved ones to call in an emergency. And what about when you have a baby and your family is far away?
If you can afford to travel back home it's not terrible but we couldn't and while 600 miles isn't terribly far, it's an approximate 10 hour drive which will not be fun with babies and toddlers when the time comes. We stayed there 9 years and then moved back to the place we left.
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