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If your budget will be better (please crunch the numbers), you'll be fine. It's easy to make new friends in a new area when the kids are that age because of all their activities.
But, you really need to make sure you stay connected to your Chicago family. Fly the family back at least twice a year and fly the grandparents out to CA at least once in the winter.
There is another important question that is good to ask of yourself, and for your wife to think about as well...are you good at adapting to change? How resourceful and resilient are you both?
It sounds to me as if you will always wonder/regret it if you don't take the opportunity. The time to do it is when you are young, and before the kids are in high school.
It seems to me that you really want to do it. Look at it this way, if you gave it a couple of years and were not happy, you would still have the ability to move back north. Moving from CA to the Midwest, you'd make out like a raped ape on real estate values.
I have been to Chicago. My mom is from there. I have lots of family there. it is next to a big body of water. It is cold in the winter time. Do people even play on the lake in the winter time?
I have been to San Diego. I have friends there. It is next to a big body of water. It is warm in the winter time. People still play in the water in the winter time.
I live in Oxnard on the coast between Santa Barbara to the North and Malibu to the South. We spend a lot of time all year on the water and at the beach. Thanksgiving it was in the low 70's.
Not sure what your lifestyle is. Not sure what your budget is. Realize this, that it cost a lot to live in San Diego. It cost a lot to live anywhere near the coast in California. Housing in my neighborhood, for a 1960's era home is about $500,000. San Diego would probably be near the same or more. Cost to heat and cool a place near the coast is not a big deal. We do not even have an AC in our home and have not used the furnace in a couple years.
Also if your kids are into Lego's realize that Legoland is in Carlsbad which is in the San Diego area. Yearly pass will set you back $199 and that includes the water park and the aquarium.
Disneyland is up the road. Knots Berry Farm is up the road. Within a three or four hour drive you would have all those and Six Flags Magic Mountain.
Kids are resilient. They may not like it at first. Change is always scary. After a while I am betting that they will love it.
I don't think we are making a big production out of the potential move.
I joke about it and try to make light of it by saying next year we will be wrapping Christmas lights
on a palm tree or how our winter coats will consist of a long sleeve shirt or hoodie.
Something to lighten the mood.
Their resisting is the typical kid stuff; I'm going to miss my friends and grandma/grandpa.
Again, at the end of the day when it is all said and done, mom and dad will make the final call.
We've started sorta to go over numbers, housing, and other costs to adjust to the cost of living change.
We think we will be ok but until we are there, we won't know for sure.
It sounds though that those that relocated with kids had a happy ending.
That's a huge positive.
I started in a thread in the San Diego forum asking about the cost of living and pretty much everyone said
we would be ok with the numbers I provided.
How did go with your kids and relocating to another part of the country?
Depends on which kid. For many of them it was hugely beneficial. For some less so, but it worked out fine for all of them I think. One never got over being angry that she did not get asked whether it was OK with her to move or not. However since her answer would not have influenced the decision, we saw no reason to ask.
Did you leave family behind?
No. We left friends behind and move closer to family. This was hugely important. One reason we moved back was that we realized it was a mistake to move away from family. While close friends can substitute some, they are not likely to attend all the kids soccer games and performances. They will not babysit without notice in a pinch. They will not drive a kid someplace, take them to the Dr. or whatever when you cannot leave work. They are not likely to sit with them all day on a rainy Sunday and tell them all about life in the 1940s and show them photographs of their ancestors, etc. While you may be fine with your brother taking your 8 year old boy to the shooting range and teaching him to shoot, you would probably not be fine with a friend doing that.
I believe my biggest mistake in my entire life was not moving back sooner so the kids could grow up with Grandma and Grandpa and aunts, uncles, cousins - both for the kid's sake and for the grandma and grandpa's. We thought we woudl visit often or they woudl come out. It just does nto happen. And seeing grandpa one a year for a week (or twice) is not anywhere close to really spending time with them and knowing them, or having them see your first home run. . .
If you are leaving supportive and involved family members behind, I would advise - don't. Or move for two years and come back. My dad never got to hold a newborn grandbaby. never saw first steps, first performance, first home run, for the older kids. My parents were at everything for the younger ones and it made a huge difference. My dad attended more soccer, baseball, crew, singing performance, than I did. I only realized how much we had missed after we returned. While I am glad we made it on time sort of, I wish we would have returned earlier.
You will plan to return and visit often and it won't happen. It gets too expensive and you get too busy and they get too busy. We woudl see them 1 -2 times most years and maybe 4 or 5 times if a baby was born or had heart surgury, etc. My siblings each visited once in 18 years. We went back once a year most years. Twice rarely and a couple of years we were not able to go back at all.
Did your kids adjust?
Yes.
How long did it take for them to adjust?
Depends on the kid. The older ones it was very difficult and took years to forever. The younger ones a few weeks to a year. Where we moved, there is only one of each type of school. 95% of the kids had grown up together since Kindergarten. For a third grader, this is not big deal, for high school - bigger deal. Every time you make a new friend, three other people feel you are "stealing" their friend.
In Southern California things are different. People are much more transient. People move around a lot, change schools, new people are always moving in. no one knows each other well. Thus it is a lot easier t move thee than to the midwest where people stay put more. Our older girls, by the time we moved (they had just completed 8th grade) had attended five different schools with completely different set of classmates for the most part. One issue you will have. In California, there are very good schools in outrageously expensive places. The rest of the schools are not so good. For those places, charter and private schools are the only practical option. Sometimes good schools become mediochre or bad in a year or less if they lose a key principal or teacher.
Was it a bust and you had to move back?
No. It was bad for my career, but overall good for the kids for the most part.
What would you have done differently?
Probably talked with the older kids about it more. Not sure that matters.
Mom and the kids moved three weeks before I was able to come and then I was there for two weeks then back in California for three weeks. That was bad. I should have been there from day one and remained there until they were well settled in (at lest two months). However I was in the middle of a huge trial in California when the kids had to move to get read for school starting.
Figure out some better way to help them assimilate. For our older kids, the school offered the opportunity to have them repeat 8th grade. They said it would help them get an in with their classmates (especially because of a Washington DC trip they all go on for 10 days in 8th grade which they say really brings the kids together) and would help them fit in in high school. We thought that was a stupid idea. Turned out it was the biggest mistake we made. They were young for their grade anyway and it woudl have really helped them to do that. Plus there were a little behind in some subjects (particularly math). They caught up pretty easily, but it woudl have been better to not have to catch up. It also turned out the class behind them was a far better group of kids and most of their friends ended up being from that class.
What advice would you give to other families faced with a relocation dilemma ?
For older kids work a lot to prepare them. Make them feel like they had some input. Frankly, if you can, get them to meet with a psychologist for counseling sessions for a time. That is good for everyone IMO (although i have never done it). but for kids going through a traumatic time, I think it woudl be very good.
Keep the family busy. Worry about settling/nesting later. Get out and do things and meet people. Join everything you can find. You can always drop the ones that do not pan out. Scouts, or Indian Princesses (there is a boy one too I forget what simlar to scouting, but it is dads daughters, sons mothers) Indian Guides? Sports. whatever clubs or groups you can find for the hole family. Also if you have faith, find a church asap and get involved. That is more important than getting the dining room painted - that can wait.
We were to accustomed to hanging together as a family and doing family only things. Too insular. When we moved, we all worked together a lot on the house we ended up buying (for a dollar and moving to a new lot). We should have let that stuff rest a while and focused more on community involvement.
Did you regret the move and wished you never did it?
Occasionally for me personally yes. I miss the weather, and all the cool places to go explore and hike etc. There are some here, but nothing like out there. I miss scuba diving. Skiing. Our church. Friends. Cars with no rust. Terrific restaurants every block or two. I also miss half of my income.
For the rest of the family - never, except I wonder how far the twins would have gone with their singing if we had not moved. They were admitted and about to attend the Orange County High School of the Arts. When we moved, the HS vocal music teacher was fabulous (PhD in music Ed. - rare at a high school). However, he was pushed to retire a year later so they could hire someone more spunky and modern - she was a disaster. One the other hand, one ended up a music teacher and the other is getting a PhD in Psychology. I doubt they would have done better coming out of OSHA.
For me - My career was skyrocketing when we moved. Moving turned out to be a major setback career wise. However it was extremely good for the family, for the younger kids it was huge huge hugely better. For the older one,s there was some benefit and some detriment. For my wife I think it was much better, but it was hard for her to break into social circles. I think that is more difficult for women than for men.
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