Regretting a move back. What would you?

[BruSan]

Another consideration is local options being available to move out of the city proper and commute from any number of areas around the city of Toronto that offer everything from beach front living to rural small town agrarian communities.

All of those can be found within 1 hr commute to the city core. There are any number of options from Go Transit with car-pool lots all along it's east west corridor from as far out as Kitchener Waterloo area that literally thousands of people daily make the commute into the city of Toronto.

When you say Toronto, it leaves me wondering why on earth you've narrowed your perspective to the city itself? Given your employment situation of your job being in the city but your husband having to search for a new job, why restrict yourselves to one of the most expensive cities to live within when just 10-20 miles out would bring you a whole new vista?

[nurider2002]

Originally Posted by Charlotteborn

I think you should put much more thought in to this move. Make a list of pros and cons of each place.

Also, a place will not make you happy - or not. That is up to you. Friends move, weather changes, jobs come and go, restaurants and hangouts close, etc. If you are happy with yourself you can be happy anywhere.

I disagree - this may be true for some people but, for me geography plays a large role in my overall happiness. My moods are easily influenced by the climate, weather, and aesthetics. I have lived in cities with constantly overcast skies and was forever depressed. If I'm in a sunny climate with a natural "undeveloped" landscape I am MUCH happier. Some folks are naturally happy/ content wherever they are. I am not. My environment greatly influences my mood. Go where you feel content and don't worry about what others think. Life is short, be happy.

[_tal]

Originally Posted by bawac34618

I moved from a city I loved everything about (Charlotte NC) back to my hometown of Oklahoma City in 2012. At the time, it seemed like better opportunity plus I was homesick and missed being close to family. Moving back home was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. Unfortunately, I made poor financial decisions after moving back that have trapped me here until 2020 at the earliest. In all essence, I pretty much screwed up my life by moving back to my hometown in haste. Not only do I live in a place that just isn't a good fit for my sensibilities, being back home has significantly worsened my relationship with my family since so much is now expected of me.

OP, you are fortunate to only be a year removed from that mistake. Don't do what I did and make poor decisions that make it more difficult to leave. I've been here five years and still have three more to go before I can leave due to bad decisions. For you, I would save up and move back to Calgary as soon as possible if that's where you want to be.

I've tried everything to try to be happy in Oklahoma City but it just doesn't work for me. I've reached a point where I can tolerate it but I still don't like it. Like you, I try to tell myself how good I have it compared to people around the world (such as the Middle East for instance) but I always fall back to regret and disappointment with where I live. Being in a happy state is a real challenge here.

Again, I would do everything to move back as soon as possible and make sure you don't get yourself into any situations that tie you down in Toronto. I wish you the best of luck!

Sorry to hear that! I really hope you get to move back to Charlotte at some point in your life. Life's too short so I'm sure if you commit to it, it will eventually happen in the right time! (if it's meant to be).

Originally Posted by Tama

It seems one of the reasons you went back to Toronto was job opportunity. Another was friends. Those issues will rear their heads once more unless you have them settled before moving again, don't you think? Good luck.

One of the best trips I ever took was to Calgary, Banff, and Jasper. Jaw-dropping scenery. Black bears, grizzlies, and moose could be seen from the highway. Fabulous beauty. Maybe you could vacation in the city after you get established. Best of both worlds.

That is correct. I've been lately working on those issues (building a good portfolio, and just being confident in my ability to make new friends), right here in Toronto. Who knows, maybe that will change my mind about moving!

Originally Posted by Balkins

Exactly what is it about Toronto that you don't like?
I haven't been there, but i hear its quite a Town....supposed to be very cosmopolitan.

It's definitely very cosmopolitan. It's not so much what i dislike about here (the city is great, traffic sucks as expected, but there's always something to do). It's more what I miss about Calgary, which is being in a big-enough city, that is in proximity to breath-taking nature (Rockies). I also miss how affordable life is there, as well as the quality of the city itself (much cleaner)

Originally Posted by mauialoha

Sorry, but I'm going to be the one that tells you what you don't want to hear. And that is that is that your problem is you, rather than where you live.

You seem to focus on the negative things, and then idealize some other place that will fix the way you feel. You move to that place and begin the process anew.

In recovery circles we call this seeking a geographical cure and it doesn't work because you always bring you with you.

It's also known as the insanity of making the same mistakes over and over expecting the results to be different.

I moved 3 thousand miles to California 15 years ago with my family and I think making a move is a big decision and one that you think thgrough, and commit to. IMO you would do well, instead of thinking about what you perceive as negative, to go about making a life for yourself. It is building someting positive within you that will make you comfortable, not changing where you live.

best of luck
Dave

Thanks Dave. Don't be sorry I was expecting (and maybe deep down hoping) for a response like your's. That thought sits in the back of my head every time I contemplate moving back. One way I'm currently dealing with it, is just working on improving the quality of my life here, and wait to see till beginning of next year if the desire to move still remains (after I hopefully achieve some positive results in my life). I figured that way, it will ensure that I really want to move because of the place, and not my feelings. Let me know if that makes sense. I know this can be a slippery slope.

[_tal]

Originally Posted by BruSan

Another consideration is local options being available to move out of the city proper and commute from any number of areas around the city of Toronto that offer everything from beach front living to rural small town agrarian communities.

All of those can be found within 1 hr commute to the city core. There are any number of options from Go Transit with car-pool lots all along it's east west corridor from as far out as Kitchener Waterloo area that literally thousands of people daily make the commute into the city of Toronto.

When you say Toronto, it leaves me wondering why on earth you've narrowed your perspective to the city itself? Given your employment situation of your job being in the city but your husband having to search for a new job, why restrict yourselves to one of the most expensive cities to live within when just 10-20 miles out would bring you a whole new vista?

Sorry should have mentioned, we actually rent property in Brampton, which is one of the small towns bordering north-west Toronto. The commute with go-train currently takes me an hour and 15 minutes (door-to-door), which I don't mind now but I definitely wouldn't want to do permanently. I absolutely love what the smaller towns out of the city offer, but employment-wise it's always been easier to get a job in Toronto, which is what holds me closer to it.

[Frihed89]

Yes.