Regret Coming Back to Hometown? (school, moving back, cost, transfer)
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You said you couldn't "handle" being away from family (even though you "don't rely on them much"), and "we were being 'guilt tripped' " because of children being away from their grandparents.
Sounds like family is the basis of moving back and sounds like an inner conflict, part of you wants to try out a different place, but the other part "wins" and you come back (the part that craves familiarity and security, which family are providing). Maybe family pressure is also driving you back?
9 months and 1 1/2 years isn't a lot of time to make something work. Maybe you needed more time?
Sit down and write up what you actually, specifically want out of a move ( w/ your spouse). Where can that be fulfilled? Give it some time. You have to get really clear about what you want in order to make it work next time, IMO.
I remember this OP’s prior posts and wondering why on earth she kept moving back and forth from NY. I think I even commented that it wasn’t fair for the kids to keep having to move on an annual or biannual basis. How can you even know if you like a place within 9-18 months? It’s no wonder her husband is tired of moving. They just need to pick a place and decide to give it an honest try for at least three years instead of bailing. The cost of moving must be astronomical at this point.
The OP keeps on wanting to try something new, but then only tries it for a short time. If she wants to try it, I think she really needs to try it... but honestly right now I think she needs to stay in NY for 3 years and see if the desire to move again dies down. I don’t blame her husband for being over it.
I always love reading replies. Good, bad, indifferent. At the end of the day, we'll do what we want with no regard to what anyone says behind a screen. To answer some questions, I LIKE change, I welcome it. I get bored easily. I like to see new things. Kids make friends easily, they always adapt well. And according to the great CD, it takes 2 years to feel "at home" somewhere (clearly did not follow those directions.) I hate being "home." I always wanted to leave this area growing up. There is nothing new here, nothing gets updated, drugs are taking over, its cloudy all the time, we have 6 months of winter weather. It was 49 degrees the other day...IN JUNE. I could go on and on. We have an extremely small family. I have 1 brother, 1 nephew, 1 aunt, and 1 cousin. My parents, and my (not fond of) in-laws. I also don't know why people think it's so expensive to move. There aren't as many additional expenses as some claim. Pack your own house, move your own ****, rent a moving truck with unlimited miles. We have savings. Money and jobs are not an issue here. They never have been. I just can't sit still. Help! Someone refer me to a shrink...(insert eye roll.)
I always love reading replies. Good, bad, indifferent. At the end of the day, we'll do what we want with no regard to what anyone says behind a screen. To answer some questions, I LIKE change, I welcome it. I get bored easily. I like to see new things. Kids make friends easily, they always adapt well. And according to the great CD, it takes 2 years to feel "at home" somewhere (clearly did not follow those directions.) I hate being "home." I always wanted to leave this area growing up. There is nothing new here, nothing gets updated, drugs are taking over, its cloudy all the time, we have 6 months of winter weather. It was 49 degrees the other day...IN JUNE. I could go on and on. We have an extremely small family. I have 1 brother, 1 nephew, 1 aunt, and 1 cousin. My parents, and my (not fond of) in-laws. I also don't know why people think it's so expensive to move. There aren't as many additional expenses as some claim. Pack your own house, move your own ****, rent a moving truck with unlimited miles. We have savings. Money and jobs are not an issue here. They never have been. I just can't sit still. Help! Someone refer me to a shrink...(insert eye roll.)
Would planning annual major summer vacation trips help? If you picked out a different place each time, then dedicated a lot of your preceding time to researching it - history, geography, weather, places to eat, places to stay, things to see and do, YouTube videos of the area, and interesting things along the way (road trip!!), anticipatory pleasure might help, and once you're there, you'd know what you were most interested in seeing and doing. You'd also find out if dreams of being a resident in any of these places were realistic or not, without the bother of moving.
Also - seek out interesting places in your own backyard. Widen your local horizons. Drive to a nearby small town, park, and explore on foot. If you are near NYC, there's enough there to occupy several lifetimes.
How old are your children? If they are five or older, they can also help research and plan your next trip.
I keep moving back to SW Florida because of family and every time I regret it. Unfortunately I am stuck here now. I agree with the other posters who said look inside yourself to find out why you keep leaving New York. Make a pro & con list. What do you think will be different THIS TIME if you move back to NC? I moved to the east coast of NC for my husband's job and absolutely hated it. Now if we had moved to a more progressive area like Raleigh, Cary or Asheville, I would probably still be there.
Last edited by chiluvr1228; 06-13-2018 at 11:50 AM..
Reason: correction
I always love reading replies. Good, bad, indifferent. At the end of the day, we'll do what we want with no regard to what anyone says behind a screen. To answer some questions, I LIKE change, I welcome it. I get bored easily. I like to see new things. Kids make friends easily, they always adapt well. And according to the great CD, it takes 2 years to feel "at home" somewhere (clearly did not follow those directions.) I hate being "home." I always wanted to leave this area growing up. There is nothing new here, nothing gets updated, drugs are taking over, its cloudy all the time, we have 6 months of winter weather. It was 49 degrees the other day...IN JUNE. I could go on and on. We have an extremely small family. I have 1 brother, 1 nephew, 1 aunt, and 1 cousin. My parents, and my (not fond of) in-laws. I also don't know why people think it's so expensive to move. There aren't as many additional expenses as some claim. Pack your own house, move your own ****, rent a moving truck with unlimited miles. We have savings. Money and jobs are not an issue here. They never have been. I just can't sit still. Help! Someone refer me to a shrink...(insert eye roll.)
The problem is, you would eventually become bored of a new place and the lure of family would continue to call. Maybe the solution is to stay put and travel often.
So both times you moved, the reason you stated for moving back was "homesick" and "couldn't handle being away from family". The only solution for those 2 issues is to not move away.
Why would moving a 3rd time be any different? If you must move for the sake of moving, I would suggest only moving a maximum 3 hour drive from home. New place, far enough away, but if you want to go home all you have to do is get in the car and go.
You sound as though you are simply unsettled.....and you'd likely feel the same no matter where you moved. Meanwhile, your hubby and kids are having to restart with every move.
Since this isn't only about you.....Perhaps do some self discovery.....find out what has you so unsettled inside.....address that.....or appease that with hobbies, trips etc.
No matter where you go, there you are......Fix you.
I always love reading replies. Good, bad, indifferent. At the end of the day, we'll do what we want with no regard to what anyone says behind a screen.
Except for a summer trying to sell Bibles in Roanoke, Va, I've never lived more than 100 miles from my home town. Not by choice, just never had a need to move any further. Moved back home to take care of my dad after my mother died and love it here. My wife has never lived here before but loves it. Population is just a little over 10,000. That's big enough for me!
That's how I wanted to grow up. I love my hometown and never wanted to leave it but between my dad and his work and later on, following a husband for HIS job, I've lived all over the country. I do know people who were born and raised here and lived here all their lives. I used to envy them till I thought about all the 'adventures' I had that they missed. I have left here a bunch of times but I have always come back. I still love my hometown. The whole area really. I won't leave again. I just come back so why bother?
I moved back home two years ago and it was not the best decision in hindsight. I believe I am soon going o rectify that though
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