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Moving, especially to a very different location, can help refine what does matter to you. Even if a new location turns out to be nothing like you are expecting, it can have a way of unveiling qualities and aspects that we've previously ignored or overlooked.
True...you don't know what you got til you loose it (as the saying goes)
Moving, especially to a very different location, can help refine what does matter to you. Even if a new location turns out to be nothing like you are expecting, it can have a way of unveiling qualities and aspects that we've previously ignored or overlooked.
That's true. In my situation I've long known I am moving out of this city, but it's starting to affect a lot of things just being stuck here for a bit longer. My existing friends are just very busy people, one of them lives two hours south and he's a police officer, so I haven't seen him more than twice this year and it's half-way through the year :\ My other friend is 8 minutes away, I have seen him either 2 or 3 times, I think it's 3 if you include a quick dinner. That's about the extent of my social interactions besides my girlfriend (thank god for her).
I don't want to make any effort to make friends here because I'm gone within 18-24 months, and I'm not going to waste time I could spend trying to get ahead in my career by making temporary friends. But it also feels a little bit lonely like in my past, I just had a lot more friends, but people move away, you part ways with them sometimes for other reasons, etc. I know once I move it's not just the city that changes, it really is me and my attitude, too. Nothing will change if I just move to another city and expect magic to happen. That's not how life works, ever, for anything really.
You have to put in the work if you want things to change. The difference is, I can do that once I move. Not only does my move represent a new city I love and have always wanted to be in, but my financial situation is changing as this happens (allowing me to not only move to a new city but move way up in quality of life), so I'll have plenty of time to make it a top priority to meet new people, make new friends, socialize, expand my network. I have no doubt the first year or so will be a bit lonelier as I move to a place with no friends, but I have a few aunts and uncles there, which is nice.
Right now I feel like a plane in a holding pattern above the airport, waiting to land, but going nowhere except circles. Just trying to make the best of each day for what it is, take each day as a gift, but at the same time it's hard sometimes to mentally stay engaged where you are when you just want to leave.
I can relate in a way. Born and raised in a small town in Ohio and couldn't wait to get out and get to the big city. Lived for almost 5 years there, and then my husband lost his job. He found a job in AZ and was under no circumstances wanted to leave-I had a great job, family was nearby, why would I give that up? I mean it was my hometown and loved it there. We were apart for 6 months before I made my move there. I was homesick for a very long time and did not want to get used to my new surroundings; just going to work and coming home is all I wanted to do.
But time went on and slowly things began to change. I enjoyed seeing the majestic mountains while driving on the highway, nature itself, and just wanting to get out more---I was def surprised at this change in myself. There were things I got to do in AZ that I necessarily couldn't do in Ohio. Despite the brutal summer, the other months were great-I could wear flip-flops in December
Fast forward to now, I am back in Ohio with my husband, who got a new job here and I am unemployed. I was the one who wanted to come back so badly, but since we have been back, nothing is the same. We agreed we wanted to be near family, but both of us are miserable, wondering why we moved in the first place. We currently live in an apartment and looking to buy a house but wondering if we should go through with it? Both of us want to go back and raise our future children there. We are both 34. I told my husband let us make the most of it here and in the near future we can go back, possibly before 2025 but I don't think I can make it that long
It seems like this is very common, now. One spouse or partner can find work in X city while the other languishes and can't get a foot hold. I had the same situation the last few moves. My wife was homeschooling our son and had one part time job in that time (6 years) while I had full time jobs but it was not enough to make a difference.
Now I'm sitting in her hometown, living for almost a year with family, hating the job I have now and we can't afford an apartment even if we both worked full time. We have saved money this year but her self esteem is at an all time low and I just feel like a robot. The folks have been great but they are old and just want us to move along, whether we can spend $2,000 a month rent on a shoebox or not.
Love this thread, especially when people post their experience /opinion without angry harsh judgements included. I have seen that on CD boards in other areas, and it is so counterproductive as to why we go on these boards on the first place!
As a former NYer, I can understand why someone would want to move away for a better way of life. The metro NY area has changed A LOT in the 70 years since my parents started their family there. Most people I know get by on major $$ help from family, or the opposite extreme of public assistance OR, as in my case, work 2+ jobs and live an hour or more commute time from the "big" job in order to afford the house in a good school district. And then what time is left for "extended family and friends" We were long ago priced out of our "hometown". Westchester County is a beautiful place if you have wealth, or a great $$ white collar job. Just go on the forum for there and read the questions asked for a VERY clear picture. I am sure many city metro California's feel similarly. It's tough.
I moved (for work mostly) 3++ times before marriage and kids. Always came back because of family and finances. Ended up staying 20 years as I married a "local", and we wanted to raise our children with family. Now both sets of parents are gone, and so are we. This place is far from perfect. However, one thing I've observed is that nothing is worse for those from these high growth southern states than having to listen to all these NYers and Californians move here and complain about how home is better,etc. We will not live that way.
To the OP, in my experience, 3-5 hours distance can bring you to A LOT of different family reachable places if you are from the Northeast. Flying, renting cars, and staying with family gets extremely expensive and limiting with teens. Then once your kids drive and work, they may not want or be able to go. That is what we are finding. It is getting harder to keep our little family unit intact. Are you prepared to be a gypsy alone? Be ready for one or all of your kids to put "gypsy" on their screen name too, and choose a place far from you. Very few (if any) locations will hit all criteria.
Those who tell you to look inside to find YOUR top criteria are wise. It is tough to start a life separate from family. Some find it easy. Growing roots takes time. If you are not sure, then work on your patience. It is an undervalued skill that will serve you well in making the next "better" choice.
I know I'd regret going back to my hometown. I grew up there but that state (and region) were never a good fit for me for many reasons. I go back and visit and my limit is about five days before I remember why I moved out. I think it's good to leave your hometown at least for a while.
I know I'd regret going back to my hometown. I grew up there but that state (and region) were never a good fit for me for many reasons. I go back and visit and my limit is about five days before I remember why I moved out. I think it's good to leave your hometown at least for a while.
I hear you, I have nothing in common with anyone in my "hometown" and living here is miserable as far as I'm concerned. While no place is perfect, I could probably throw a dart at a map of the US and end up somewhere I personally like better.
I was never fond of my city even growing up, I always felt it was incredibly mediocre and way worse than mediocre when it comes to weather, among the worst places I can imagine actually. I want to see blue skies and sun almost every day, I don't want to see clouds 300 days per year. Life frankly is barely worth living if every day is just gloomy and depressing, and you surface for air about 9 weeks per summer, then it's back to existing and trying to make it to the next summer. No thanks. I don't think anyone living here has any standards for living whatsoever, they are apparently willing to pay crushing taxes, put up with the stupidest city government you can find, and absolutely horrible weather, all the while having few entertainment options, restaurants that close at 9 p.m. even on Friday nights, and just a general lack of anything desirable in a place to call home. To say I hate my hometown would be an extreme understatement. I don't think there's much I hate more than it.
Well, I have moved and cannot wait to go back home. I am giving myself one solid year here to do what I came to do. It's beautiful here and I'm close to family, but it's not home. I miss my hometown and home state desperately.
Agree totally with Thoreau24's post:
Quote:
I only regret moving away from my home town. Worst mistake of my life. It's nearly heaven every time I "visit" (can't stand being a "visitor"). Some day the nightmare will be over, and I'll be back where I belong. I see now why people are in specific places. We can become as though "one with the land". I'm a complete foreigner where I am now.
This is exactly how I feel. I have/had very specific, personal reasons for leaving and specific goals that I need to accomplish here, but I am literally counting down the days until I can return. I don't care about making friends or having a social life here. I have done and will do the touristy things, the day trips and so on, but all I want to do is keep working, keep focused and keep to my goal so that I can go home again.
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