Official General Moving Issues Chat Thread (husband, neighbor, experience, New Jersey)
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The only complaint is "Oh IQ isn't a good measure of intelligence," but it is, it always has been, and anyone who says otherwise obviously has a low IQ and doesn't like the result. Tough beans.
By the way, it's not "childless," it's child-FREE. You are not "cancer-less" you are "cancer-free" -- big difference. One implies you're lacking something, the other correctly implies you don't want something negative. Small word difference, big meaning difference.
Also saying you "don't subscribe" to the world being overpopulated is ludicrous and kind of points to the above referenced study. If you even do the slightest amount of reading or paying attention to the news, you'd understand the world is facing a lot of problems because of the sheer number of people we have and we certainly don't need more of them. We're all full here! But I guess if I was raising 11 kids, I wouldn't have time for the news either, so I forgive you because I'm sure you're incredibly busy.
Ultimately, you make your own choices in life, and as long as you're happy that's really all that matters, doesn't matter what someone else thinks of it. But it is important to MAKE those choices, rather than have some weird societal obligation or duty to doing something you don't want to do.
Last edited by JonathanLB; 06-02-2019 at 05:22 PM..
I am 20, a junior in college, living with my parents and I did not like New Jersey and I absolutely am miserable about living with my parents. I had enough. I am the only person in NJ who doesn't like it here and I am the only young adult in NJ who doesn't enjoy living with his/her parents and living around family.
It seems like every person on Reddit or City-Data say, "We miss our family", or "I want to get away from family, but I get lonely and want to move back". No, I am not going to get lonely and I will never want to move back. But it also seems like every young adult who lives in NJ lives with their parents until they are 30, because they want to live in NJ forever and they love their parents to death. I don't want to be stuck with my parents or my NJ family after college! I just want to get a job in a different state like the PNW (in a semi-rural area where COL can be lower) and move out at 22, and no older than that.
I want to live alone, which I always dreamed of. I have no interest in living around family and I have no desire to get married or have kids. I am the only young person who does not want to live a city and I do not want a typical suburban life in my 30s. I like semi-rural towns. It feels weird that I have these unusual preferences of things.
^^^ This ^^^ In my early 20's I swore I was never getting married or having kids. At 29 I married and had the first of my two sons at 30. At 20 years old you are still getting to know yourself. You may feel completely different in 5-10 years especially if the right man/woman comes into your life.
Would you be saying the same thing if OP had stated they wanted kids?
No one EVER tells a teenager/20-something who dreams of eventually becoming a parent that they might change their mind one day. So why do it when they say they don't want kids?
If someone says they don't want kids, take their word for it. If people can choose to have kids at 20, then they can also know they don't want kids at 20.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB
Why would you assume that? Wouldn’t it be just as fair to assume if you did want kids at 20, you will very likely change your mind?! Clearly some people haven’t given it real thought, and what they actually mean is “I can’t imagine having kids *right now*,†but to assume someone is going to change their mind is just annoying and condescending. By the way, the right guy or girl WON’T want kids either, otherwise they’re not the right one for you.
Exactly. Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi
I don't subscribe to the Chicken-Little-Sky-Is-Falling overpopulation propaganda anyway but aging first world countries are going to pretty vulnerable within the next several decades if everybody continues to be as superior as you.
Any system that relies on endless population growth is not a working system anyway. Anything we can do to cut down on population growth and reduce the burden on this planet is a good thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB
By the way, it's not "childless," it's child-FREE. You are not "cancer-less" you are "cancer-free" -- big difference. One implies you're lacking something, the other correctly implies you don't want something negative. Small word difference, big meaning difference.
Also saying you "don't subscribe" to the world being overpopulated is ludicrous and kind of points to the above referenced study. If you even do the slightest amount of reading or paying attention to the news, you'd understand the world is facing a lot of problems because of the sheer number of people we have and we certainly don't need more of them. We're all full here! But I guess if I was raising 11 kids, I wouldn't have time for the news either, so I forgive you because I'm sure you're incredibly busy.
Ultimately, you make your own choices in life, and as long as you're happy that's really all that matters, doesn't matter what someone else thinks of it. But it is important to MAKE those choices, rather than have some weird societal obligation or duty to doing something you don't want to do.
Beautifully put.
To OP, you need to expand your world beyond your local friends and culture. Being childfree is very popular these days. It's a movement. I'm in my late 30s and never had kids, and I'm glad.
Consider alternative lifestyles that will allow you to travel and see the world, such as digital nomadism, vanlife, etc. There's an entire community of mobile travelers out there living out of cars, vans, RVs, or even just backpacks and working on the road. Take advantage of living at home and make money and save for a while. Then take off and see the world.
Yeah exactly, and when I said "nicest house I can afford," I didn't mean to imply you can't be happy in anything but a McMansion. In Los Angeles, I was extremely happy with my 920 square foot studio -- because I owned it and it was mine. I could make it my own, I could do whatever I wanted with it, not worry about my lease being up, but I did worry about the expenses (so high!). When I was in Beaverton at first, I had a much, much cheaper town house that was nothing special at all, but it was two floors and we really enjoyed the big open concept bottom floor with a spacious living area, dining, and kitchen, so we could have a nice setup and sometimes I'd have friends over past when my GF went to sleep, but if we kept the volume reasonable we could still do our thing. So it's not about having the best place ever, it's just about having your own space and your own place and hopefully -- I think very very important -- in a safe area of the city.
Many people cannot afford "the best" areas of the city, but they can afford at least a good, solid, safe place. Vegas is a great example. I love the city, I can't wait to move, but I also can't imagine a worse place to live if you're poor than Vegas and I would really caution people against moving there without money. The hot summers are just one example of something that would be terrible to endure, but they even film episodes of Cops in North Las Vegas. You'll find some of the worst dregs of society in pockets around the Strip, north of it, and in North Las Vegas (the whole city of NLV isn't a ghetto, there are nice pockets, but I'd just rather not be there). Imagine some poor person working as a server, on their feet all day, then they come home to their ghetto apartment and don't feel safe on the drive there, or the walk up the stairs, and their landlord won't fix their busted AC so it "kinda works" but only cools their place to 85 all summer long. Then try telling that person, "Vegas is a great place to live!" Who can't blame them for not agreeing? Their entire experience of the city is awful.
Some markets have become miserable for anyone but the highest income people. The problem, as I see it, has nothing to do with making it some big political issue, because the world runs on supply and demand. The problem is young people tend to "want it all," so people with no money don't want to make a single sacrifice ever. They want to live in the BEST, most exciting big city, but they also want to have their own place, and they don't want to sacrifice eating out or drinking out with friends, and of course they have to have a car, and it's SO unfair that everything is so expensive! If I was struggling financially and a young person, I'd find a nice smaller city, not a tiny town, but a place with maybe a population of 250,000 or somewhere in that range, where I could find a good job and nice, affordable housing, and if it was my goal to live in a bigger, better city one day, I'd live a pretty spartan lifestyle and put aside my money so that one day, I could move to that big city and live "the good life" once my career and my savings caught up and allowed me to do that. But it makes no sense to me personally why you'd want to live in a city like Los Angeles if you can't get better than a minimum wage job. Your lifestyle is going to be beyond horrible because that city isn't affordable even for a decent income. I was a single guy spending $5,500/month living there and I couldn't eat out at nice restaurants more than every few months, I rarely went anywhere or did anything fun, I'd escape to Vegas every year because I could drive there, but I felt like I lived the most mediocre lifestyle imaginable for $5,500/month after tax dollars. As near as I could tell, to live well in L.A. you're going to need $20,000/month pre-tax dollars at least if not more. My mortgage, HOA dues, and property taxes were around $3,200 per month and by the time you factor in health insurance, auto insurance, food, fuel (it was $4-5/gallon most of the time I was there), supplies, etc. it got crazy in a hurry. All for a studio condo that was just one big open box.
I've moved states multiple times, although a few of the moves were back to California where I am from and was already familiar.
The two other states I moved to, I did so without any trips beforehand. I just traveled through them and ended up staying because I liked the areas. So I guess I sort of did "scout them out" just not with the purposes of moving. I was just traveling and enjoying myself and I'd think "Hey, I should live here."
I like my parents. Don't hate the state itself, but aside from the outdoors, the local area is limited. I'm open to marriage, but probably not kids of my own at 33. I had many of the same feelings at 20.
We moved all of our lives in the military. A total of 15 moves. So we check out places online and then we decided to move, purchase a house and it’s been 14 years since we decided to come to Texas.
I am 20, a junior in college, living with my parents and I did not like New Jersey and I absolutely am miserable about living with my parents. I had enough. I am the only person in NJ who doesn't like it here and I am the only young adult in NJ who doesn't enjoy living with his/her parents and living around family.
It seems like every person on Reddit or City-Data say, "We miss our family", or "I want to get away from family, but I get lonely and want to move back". No, I am not going to get lonely and I will never want to move back. But it also seems like every young adult who lives in NJ lives with their parents until they are 30, because they want to live in NJ forever and they love their parents to death. I don't want to be stuck with my parents or my NJ family after college! I just want to get a job in a different state like the PNW (in a semi-rural area where COL can be lower) and move out at 22, and no older than that.
I want to live alone, which I always dreamed of. I have no interest in living around family and I have no desire to get married or have kids. I am the only young person who does not want to live a city and I do not want a typical suburban life in my 30s. I like semi-rural towns. It feels weird that I have these unusual preferences of things.
I knew when I was 15 that I didn't want kids and nothing and no one has ever changed my mind. I will turn 70 this year. Never married either.
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