Official General Moving Issues Chat Thread (smaller town, bonus, Denver, Florida)
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I was 26, single, just graduated college and my parents were 54 when I left NYC and moved to AZ. Parting was emotional and tearful but I also felt compelled to strike out on my own. We all survived.
I was 48 when my 22 year old daughter graduated college and moved to Dallas for her first job. Parting was emotional and tearful but we survived that too.
As for moving someplace without a job lined up, that's reality. If you try to apply from another state you are unlikely to get anybody to hire you.
Make sure you have enough money to support yourself for several months.
Sounds unanimous. I agree that you should get a job lined up before moving; make sure that your new salary is suitable for the cost of living wherever you go.
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by victimofGM
The picture below is of our 20 year old trailer. We had the deck built last year.
I imagine you are moved by now. If your wife will be needing a ramp at your new abode you might want to consider a wheel chair lift instead of a ramp. Much better curb appeal and they can be moved and reused. If you check around you might be able to find a used one.
Thank you, I just don’t understand this; “children are a terrible burden” sentiment, which is almost always expressed by someone who wouldn’t know. And having a neighbor or aunt or whatever who had a lot of kids & spent her life circling the drain doesn’t count. Totally different perspective.
I have childfree relatives who I love dearly; one uncle who is gay & said he had always wanted children, an uncle who is a monk (literally) & another uncle who married a woman who had two children from a previous marriage (they were teens/preteens at that time) & I’ve never thought any less of them. And none of them think any less of me, either.
I think that in the past, that childfree people were of great importance to their community. Instead of contributing to a strong community via a family, they contributed their knowledge, skills & generosity. The; “It’s all about me & what makes me happy” doesn’t sit well with me at all. Communities are just one of those things where you get out of it what you put into it.
You could move twice a year or never & you will still find that to be true.
You should have been gone years ago. If you don't go soon you probably never will. You can worry about your parents when it becomes necessary. Your Mother should be able to take care of herself for at least another 20 years. Seriously, 80 year olds are traveling, going to the gym, gardening, being very active.
Please get your butt in gear and go. I grew up in a hometown where my family is basically embedded. I have deep roots there. I love my cousins like siblings and had a wide social circle of wonderful friends. Moving to Colorado at 34 (I should have gone earlier) was the best thing I ever did. I have a life here that I never dreamed of and I am so much happier.
I no longer have a relationship with my mother, but that's been for the best - I was out here for 7 years before I realized just how toxic she is. But I would still be dancing to her tune if I was in my hometown. When my father got dementia, I moved him out here into a facility down the street that is devoted to memorycare. He actually likes the place reasonably well and I visit him a few times a week.
Visit some other places before you move. I was not exactly well-traveled, but went I visited Denver I had already been looking around. I'd been to Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, New York, Florida, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, California, Texas, etc. Denver just clicked for me. The mountains are beautiful, everyone loves dogs and there are some good bookstores. I got involved in dog sports and joined a couple of writing groups.
As for all those friends and cousins? We're closer than ever. I spend a lot of time on facebook, but that's fine. And I've built a pretty extensive social circle here as well.
I moved back to my hometown at age 26 and it was the worst decision I ever made. You'll have a better relationship with your parents if you are actually happy and fulfilled yourself, even if you see them less.
I am 20, a junior in college, living with my parents and I did not like New Jersey and I absolutely am miserable about living with my parents. I had enough. I am the only person in NJ who doesn't like it here and I am the only young adult in NJ who doesn't enjoy living with his/her parents and living around family.
It seems like every person on Reddit or City-Data say, "We miss our family", or "I want to get away from family, but I get lonely and want to move back". No, I am not going to get lonely and I will never want to move back. But it also seems like every young adult who lives in NJ lives with their parents until they are 30, because they want to live in NJ forever and they love their parents to death. I don't want to be stuck with my parents or my NJ family after college! I just want to get a job in a different state like the PNW (in a semi-rural area where COL can be lower) and move out at 22, and no older than that.
I want to live alone, which I always dreamed of. I have no interest in living around family and I have no desire to get married or have kids. I am the only young person who does not want to live a city and I do not want a typical suburban life in my 30s. I like semi-rural towns. It feels weird that I have these unusual preferences of things.
When I was 20, I was just about to move into my first apartment (with a roommate). As soon as I was told I could go get the keys, I stuffed my twin mattress into the trunk of my Ford Escort and drove up there (it was 23 miles away). I was in between the 2nd and 3rd times of dropping out of community college (4 times total). My brother, sister, and I were raised by a single mother who worked more than full-time, but for the two years prior to me moving out, my mother had been battling brain cancer and had recently achieved remission.
My mother leaned on me a lot during that time, as I had immediately become the main breadwinner for the household right before I turned 18 (she was diagnosed two weeks before my 18th birthday), and I had to shuttle her to appointments and treatments constantly (most of which were 20 miles away), which left almost no time for "my precious self".
Yeah, you could say "I had enough", and she felt bad for taking my coming of age away from me. But there was nobody else who could help her, and in my doing so I got to spend the majority of the last 5 years of her life with her. Today (13 years after her death), I'm mostly disappointed in my mother for not jumping up and chasing her own dreams for our family, IMO we would have all been better off had she done so, it was like she didn't have the nerve to make the jump, and due to her cancer she never got to. She did however, move with my sister 140 miles away (to a semi-rural town) a few weeks after I had moved out.
I grew up in Southern CA, and never saw it in my future if I'm being honest. All of my friends from that time are either still there, or have been economically forced out to Phoenix, Vegas, or wherever. Leaving CA was never a topic of conversation in my friend groups during that time, unless we were talking about me. I always presumed my family would be "just a phone call away", no matter where I was.
Long story short (and it's all over the forum), I was completely out of CA 3.5 years later, but had ended up following my mom up to that town she moved to (140 miles away) about 6 months after moving into that first apartment, and found my wife there so I'm never lonely (for better and for worse ). I've thought about moving back to CA (or at least spending more time there) as wealth increases, but it's not a huge priority, even though I really enjoy going back now (it took about 10 years away to really feel that way).
I have no family to return to, and haven't for a long time. Mom died when I was 22, and about a year before she did, I moved my sister up to WA to live with my aunt. Aunt had control of Mom's estate and found a way to keep the majority of it for herself, and sister and I haven't been close since then, and haven't spoken in at least a few years. My brother and I were never emotionally close, but when I'm in CA we hang out, but we don't do much beyond tagging each other on funny stuff on Facebook. I'm not close with either of my extended families, and haven't been for the majority of my adult life.
So, I guess you could say I had to figure it out whether I wanted to or not. I'm long out of CA, and moved to CO when it was still cheap (and purchased a home when it was still cheap). I always imagined that I'd be chronically single, but that wasn't the case. I have a son whom I adore.
I will agree with you on this OP, the typical suburban 30's life in many ways does suck, I've been doing it, and have been longing for "another way" almost since I fell into it. I prefer a simpler way too, and can't wrap my head around the way some people choose to live their lives. I'm sure I too will figure it out by the time I'm 40.
Yeah I wouldn’t be happy with most peoples’ lives in their 30s and 40s but as long as they are, that’s what matters! I just am a cynic and fundamentally don’t believe for one second that most people have enough intelligence or introspection to set long term goals and follow them to their conclusions, which is why as Thoreau said “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” I feel like people just act as though “things happen” to them, rather than making a plan completely apart from any societal expectation and following that adamantly.
I didn’t know anyone who was economically forced out of LA to Vegas, the people I know all left because we prefer Vegas and it’s simply a better city from traffic to taxes to entertainment to even weather for me (I don’t care for 60-70 from January - June, I like hot days and LA is too mild, too much rain still for me). One of my LA friends bought a million dollar house in Vegas and spent $500,000 more renovating it. The incredible expense to live even a half-way acceptable life in LA is obviously a key factor but for me if the two cities cost exactly the same, I’d choose Vegas every time. If the tax situation was the same, I’d maybe choose LA because the film industry is there but, eh, that would be tough as I still prefer Vegas so I’d be there solely for work purposes, like before. That’s a tough way to live for me - I like to choose where I live based on it being the best city for me, nothing else.
Yeah I wouldn’t be happy with most peoples’ lives in their 30s and 40s but as long as they are, that’s what matters! I just am a cynic and fundamentally don’t believe for one second that most people have enough intelligence or introspection to set long term goals and follow them to their conclusions, which is why as Thoreau said “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” I feel like people just act as though “things happen” to them, rather than making a plan completely apart from any societal expectation and following that adamantly.
I didn’t know anyone who was economically forced out of LA to Vegas, the people I know all left because we prefer Vegas and it’s simply a better city from traffic to taxes to entertainment to even weather for me (I don’t care for 60-70 from January - June, I like hot days and LA is too mild, too much rain still for me). One of my LA friends bought a million dollar house in Vegas and spent $500,000 more renovating it. The incredible expense to live even a half-way acceptable life in LA is obviously a key factor but for me if the two cities cost exactly the same, I’d choose Vegas every time. If the tax situation was the same, I’d maybe choose LA because the film industry is there but, eh, that would be tough as I still prefer Vegas so I’d be there solely for work purposes, like before. That’s a tough way to live for me - I like to choose where I live based on it being the best city for me, nothing else.
Count me in as one of those with no plan, and everything that happened to set me on this unguided path has been some sort of happenstance, and much of it has been for the positive.
It's not uncommon for IE/HD people to move to Vegas, especially among the class desperately clinging to the lower-middle.
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). I've thought about moving back to CA (or at least spending more time there) as wealth increases, but it's not a huge priority, even though I really enjoy going back now (it took about 10 years away to really feel that way).
