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Old 06-07-2019, 12:32 AM
 
Location: Landrum,SC
706 posts, read 417,700 times
Reputation: 597

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I am also 30 and went through the same thing, just not Asian. First time moving away from parent at 30 and being independent. Seeing the country and where I got in best for my hobbies and career. It took me 3 times driving from the East to the West and so far I've been out here almost 2 months this 3rd time. Colorado is stunning , just the winter sucks.
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Old 06-07-2019, 04:01 PM
 
42 posts, read 38,439 times
Reputation: 28
Thank you for your encouragements. I wanted to convince myself this too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by luv4horses View Post
Do not move somewhere without a job lined up. If you never had a job before get one locally first, move out, work a year or two, use that on your resume to get a new job in Colorado or wherever. Don’t try to change everything at once
My parents told me similar. Perhaps I am overestimating job availability.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
Please get your butt in gear and go. I grew up in a hometown where my family is basically embedded. I have deep roots there. I love my cousins like siblings and had a wide social circle of wonderful friends. Moving to Colorado at 34 (I should have gone earlier) was the best thing I ever did. I have a life here that I never dreamed of and I am so much happier.

I no longer have a relationship with my mother, but that's been for the best - I was out here for 7 years before I realized just how toxic she is. But I would still be dancing to her tune if I was in my hometown. When my father got dementia, I moved him out here into a facility down the street that is devoted to memorycare. He actually likes the place reasonably well and I visit him a few times a week.

Visit some other places before you move. I was not exactly well-traveled, but went I visited Denver I had already been looking around. I'd been to Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, New York, Florida, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, California, Texas, etc. Denver just clicked for me. The mountains are beautiful, everyone loves dogs and there are some good bookstores. I got involved in dog sports and joined a couple of writing groups.

As for all those friends and cousins? We're closer than ever. I spend a lot of time on facebook, but that's fine. And I've built a pretty extensive social circle here as well.

Do it. You will regret it if you don't.
My situation’s kind of different than yours then if you had traveled and already knew what you were going to do beforehand. I havent traveled except for two states. Never been to Colorado. I love sceneries and nature exploring. Just wondering, if maybe my decision would be too rash if I just moved there after graduating without a job? I wanted to do a short term lease in case things dont work out. It would be far from home. Or go home first and find a job before moving? I have so much anxiety about ending up dragging things out too long.

Last edited by Ovine; 06-07-2019 at 04:39 PM..
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Old 06-07-2019, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Buckeye, Arizona
378 posts, read 209,301 times
Reputation: 510
We encouraged our two daughters to be as independent as they wanted. Both went to college 4 hours away. Both found jobs in other states after graduating (more than 1,000 miles away). We have given them 12-14 years to FIND themselves as they say. We believe they are now both settled in the Phoenix Arizona area with good jobs, one is now married and no grandchild yet. The time has come -- we are moving to them! :-).
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Old 06-08-2019, 01:59 PM
 
Location: on the wind
12,934 posts, read 6,459,911 times
Reputation: 42516
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ovine View Post
Thank you for your encouragements. I wanted to convince myself this too.

My parents told me similar. Perhaps I am overestimating job availability.

My situation’s kind of different than yours then if you had traveled and already knew what you were going to do beforehand. I havent traveled except for two states. Never been to Colorado. I love sceneries and nature exploring. Just wondering, if maybe my decision would be too rash if I just moved there after graduating without a job? I wanted to do a short term lease in case things dont work out. It would be far from home. Or go home first and find a job before moving? I have so much anxiety about ending up dragging things out too long.
You will lessen your anxiety about a lot of things if you find a job before moving! By approaching this rationally you will demonstrate your independence and good sense to yourself as well as your parents (so they may give you less grief over the decision to move). I'd also suggest that you don't have to move to CO just to find scenery and nature. You've picked a romantic place that many other people expect perfection from. It doesn't exist, and competition for jobs will be higher there. There are beautiful and interesting natural places in pretty much every state. Many are hidden gems only the locals know about and appreciate. If you only consider and dream about one place you are more likely to be disappointed by the reality once you get there.
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Old 06-10-2019, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
377 posts, read 343,346 times
Reputation: 382
I was raised to be independent and was on my own (at college) by 17. When I finally married and built what appeared to be my forever home, my parents moved near me and retired. I broke their hearts when I moved to another state 3 years later for a better career.

The hardest part about being away from family was the lack of a support system. I didn't have a parent or sibling to watch my children or comfort me when life was tough. I didn't/don't have long-term friends anywhere either.

Now my parents and my spouse's parents are in their 80s and firmly settled in that towns. They have had several health issues and even though I would gladly support them moving closer to where I am now very settled, they won't leave their support system of church, friends, and remaining relatives.

My point is that your decision to move now is an easy one, but as time goes by, choices will become more complicated. Interestingly, since my adult children have experienced what it's like to be removed from family, their goals for the future include being able to live closer to us when children come.

Is your goal to experience life away from your parents a long-term or short-term one, Ovine?
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:02 AM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
6,745 posts, read 7,021,827 times
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I do think people have a tendency to find it harder to leave a place even if they hate it the longer they’re there. But at 36, I can’t say I’ve ever imagined it being any easier than now to move. I don’t have a single friend in my hometown I really care about at all, they’re casual friends at best. My best friend is 2 hours south, I’ll still fly to visit him and it’ll still take me 2 hours. The income tax savings alone easily covers my plane tickets lol to say the least. My dad and my sister live here, but I was closer to them both before recent behavior. I don’t care about my sister whatsoever now, it’s a bonus I wont have to see her as often! I’ll still see my dad but he’s gone half the year, so it’s an easy decision. Point is, everyone has a different calculus for figuring out where their best life is.

Probably easier for me too as we’re never having kids, so there’s zero concern about that and family. Best advice is if you honestly hate where you live, don’t stay there for any reason. It’ll be like a slow cancer that eats away at you. I noticed it colored everything about my attitude and my happiness in life and a bad place saps you of your energy and spirit. More than that, for most people to be happy they need to feel in control of their lives. Living somewhere you hate for other people is a distinct lack of control and it would be better living anywhere else - even somewhere equally as bad - if you at least chose to be there.
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Old 06-25-2019, 07:03 AM
 
42 posts, read 38,439 times
Reputation: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
I do think people have a tendency to find it harder to leave a place even if they hate it the longer they’re there. But at 36, I can’t say I’ve ever imagined it being any easier than now to move. I don’t have a single friend in my hometown I really care about at all, they’re casual friends at best. My best friend is 2 hours south, I’ll still fly to visit him and it’ll still take me 2 hours. The income tax savings alone easily covers my plane tickets lol to say the least. My dad and my sister live here, but I was closer to them both before recent behavior. I don’t care about my sister whatsoever now, it’s a bonus I wont have to see her as often! I’ll still see my dad but he’s gone half the year, so it’s an easy decision. Point is, everyone has a different calculus for figuring out where their best life is.

Probably easier for me too as we’re never having kids, so there’s zero concern about that and family. Best advice is if you honestly hate where you live, don’t stay there for any reason. It’ll be like a slow cancer that eats away at you. I noticed it colored everything about my attitude and my happiness in life and a bad place saps you of your energy and spirit. More than that, for most people to be happy they need to feel in control of their lives. Living somewhere you hate for other people is a distinct lack of control and it would be better living anywhere else - even somewhere equally as bad - if you at least chose to be there.
I can relate to this a lot.

I really want to move to Colorado even though cost of living is high, I can live with roommates. I don’t want to let other people’s fears dissuade me from going. It’s time where Im not settled and have freedom to explore.

I was going back to hometown to live in my parents friends house because I still have to worry about pasting my license in order to work in my job which is very expensive. However, now I hear from my parent that it has fallen through so now I will have to find a place to rent, ironically. My parent will still help with saving rent costs. I already feel like I lost my energy.

Really tempted to leave on the spot.

Last edited by Ovine; 06-25-2019 at 07:17 AM..
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Old 06-28-2019, 11:24 PM
 
446 posts, read 263,495 times
Reputation: 622
I live in the city where I grew up, but I was away from this place for more than 20 years, and it has changed. It is too big, too busy, and too boring for me. I am on a waiting list for an apartment in a smaller town a couple of hours away. It seems great online and the people I have talked with there on the phone seem very nice but I have no idea how I will ever get there to visit, let alone move there. I am old, and poor, and don't have a car.

But, living here is, as JonathanLB posted here, eating away at my happiness. I don't need shopping malls and famous chefs and concert halls. I need grass and trees and safe spaces to walk in.
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Old 07-04-2019, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
6,745 posts, read 7,021,827 times
Reputation: 9077
Yesterday was a funny reminder of how we all have our ideal places and our reasons are as unique as we are as people. Everyone has a different place that feels like “home” and it’s not always easy to find it. Going to the mall one last time (no sales tax) in Beaverton, we ran into 3 employees who were from Las Vegas, literally every employee but one who we had encountered. That’s where we’re moving so it’s funny to see they went the other way, but one was only because of his wife (they still own a house in LV but are renting it out). I think another issue is people just have very different experiences. It’s the same as how two people can grow up in the same house and have such different views of their childhood.

I imagine for someone renting an apartment in the bad area of town and dealing with tourists every day and maybe shoddy AC during the summer, no money to appreciate the world class restaurants, shows, and sports, Vegas could really suck and they think it must be better elsewhere. Very different experience than for me, owning a house in one of the nicest parts of town, swimming pool, work from home, top notch AC, money to do all of the fun things whenever I want, and no income taxes being more valuable to me than many people. It’s just different experiences of the same place.
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Old 01-14-2021, 01:13 AM
 
4 posts, read 591 times
Reputation: 10
thanks for sharing the information it really amazing to read it.
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