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9/2018 I moved from Rockland County NY to Huntsville, AL to be with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. Thus move for me had been in the works for a long time, but the hold up was obtaining employment and I figured why rush to move when I didn’t have any demands requiring me to be out there by a certain period. During the 3.5 years grew tired of NY where I was born & raised and I needed a change. I visited Huntsville during the 3.5 years of dating and I loved it. I have now been here going on 5 months and I feel like I’m struggling to adjust. The funny thing is I like it very much but many days I am overwhelmed that I’m starting from scratch. I’m disappointed that I have not made any friends here yet. I know it will eventually happen. Before I moved I signed up for meetup’s but it seems the meetup groups here are not consistent. To make matters worse, the job I interviewed for twice “sight unseen” I do not like. The job pays well but I’m overqualified for the position, the job is boring and the commute is awful.
Overall I still like Huntsville, but I’m so tired of feeling like a fish out of water. For one, I think my expectations were unrealistic. I guess I expected to come here and have everything magically fall into place. I don’t question moving at all, but sometimes I wonder if I should have waited. Is what I’m feeling normal?
Yes. Search this forum. You'll see thread after thread after thread about the same thing. Remind yourself about what you LIKE about it and also what you wanted to get away FROM. It's easy to convince yourself that a new situation will solve all your problems. Reality is that there is no magical perfect place or job. You have to expect some of this. Try volunteering for a local organization (library, local charitable organization, park or recreation area, animal shelter, etc) that interests you. If you have something in common with the other folks (instead of just the meeting place) it may help you feel part of the place sooner.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-18-2019 at 02:20 PM..
I think it's totally normal and at least you like the place in general. I don't think waiting would have prevented these issues. Give yourself time and plan on needing about a year before things feel more normal.
In the meantime, continue to reach out to others and plan some fun adventures with your BF during your off time.
I fully understand what you are feeling and what it’s like to pickup and move from the state where you were born, raised and living to a different state about 1000 miles south. It’s a significant change to your life.
We also moved from Rockland County in NY some 2.5 years ago and ended up in SW Virginia. We retired a few months before leaving NY so it was even more of a shock and major life change for us, leaving family, parents, etc. That being the case, it does take time to establish new roots, establishing a different life, finding your way, making friends and just fitting in becomes stressful at times. It’s really something you can’t rush since it’s about developing a comfort level with your new life. We all want to feel secure, comfortable and fit it socially where we live, however it can’t be rushed, it hapens gradually and it will take some time.
It’s unfortunate you don’t really enjoy your job but at least you are employed and are in a great position to be able to scout out and search for better employment. It also takes time to meet enough people to be able to choose those few that you would like to be friendly with. Most often we all seem to find what we’re looking for when we’re not desperately looking, rather just living life and staying active.
I think you just need to go with the flow, enjoy your new environment and give yourself a chance to adjust, it does take some time. Hopefully your active and will be participating in some of the outdoor activities that your area has to offer and focus on enjoying yourself.
9/2018 I moved from Rockland County NY to Huntsville, AL to be with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. Thus move for me had been in the works for a long time, but the hold up was obtaining employment and I figured why rush to move when I didn’t have any demands requiring me to be out there by a certain period. During the 3.5 years grew tired of NY where I was born & raised and I needed a change. I visited Huntsville during the 3.5 years of dating and I loved it. I have now been here going on 5 months and I feel like I’m struggling to adjust. The funny thing is I like it very much but many days I am overwhelmed that I’m starting from scratch. I’m disappointed that I have not made any friends here yet. I know it will eventually happen. Before I moved I signed up for meetup’s but it seems the meetup groups here are not consistent. To make matters worse, the job I interviewed for twice “sight unseen” I do not like. The job pays well but I’m overqualified for the position, the job is boring and the commute is awful.
Overall I still like Huntsville, but I’m so tired of feeling like a fish out of water. For one, I think my expectations were unrealistic. I guess I expected to come here and have everything magically fall into place. I don’t question moving at all, but sometimes I wonder if I should have waited. Is what I’m feeling normal?
Yes, it is normal. It takes time for the body to catch up to the decisions our mind makes. You have to allow time to acclimate. I recently moved and I feel a little " I do not know" too. I guess I expected getting it right to make me more happier but I am not unhappy or experiencing the hopelessness I once did.
Are you spending time with your boyfriend? You are acting like you are alone. You are not. Enjoy him.
I have made several long-distance moves and was most successful developing a social network through work and my apartment complex, since both were sources of people close in age. Your work environment can make all the difference. However, the company where I made my best friends did a lot of relocations so there were people who were in a similar boat looking to make friends.
Another suggestion is joining a social group with like minded people. A friend of mine in a similar situation jointed a non-denominational church group. They meet regularly and do occasional social things. It consists of people of various ages and are people who he can count on when sick, need some assistance in making a minor move, etc. He gets invited to their family celebrations. They are really like a second family. Good luck.
9/2018 I moved from Rockland County NY to Huntsville, AL to be with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. Thus move for me had been in the works for a long time, but the hold up was obtaining employment and I figured why rush to move when I didn’t have any demands requiring me to be out there by a certain period. During the 3.5 years grew tired of NY where I was born & raised and I needed a change. I visited Huntsville during the 3.5 years of dating and I loved it. I have now been here going on 5 months and I feel like I’m struggling to adjust. The funny thing is I like it very much but many days I am overwhelmed that I’m starting from scratch. I’m disappointed that I have not made any friends here yet. I know it will eventually happen. Before I moved I signed up for meetup’s but it seems the meetup groups here are not consistent. To make matters worse, the job I interviewed for twice “sight unseen” I do not like. The job pays well but I’m overqualified for the position, the job is boring and the commute is awful.
Overall I still like Huntsville, but I’m so tired of feeling like a fish out of water. For one, I think my expectations were unrealistic. I guess I expected to come here and have everything magically fall into place. I don’t question moving at all, but sometimes I wonder if I should have waited. Is what I’m feeling normal?
It takes years to make friends in a new place. You haven't been there six months. As far as Meetups, people are flaky these days. That's everywhere.
It is true, though, that people with children have more natural opportunities for meeting people.
About a year after I moved to NH, a friend of mine from NYC (and her husband and two kids) moved to the area as well. Within about six months or so, they already had a social circle, far behind what I had been able to develop. All of the friends in their new social circle came from meeting people at kids' stuff. School, daycare, kids' activity. You have a built-in common interest. My friends where so ingrained socially so fast, it amazed me.
Being single with no kids (and, not to mention, an introvert), it took me longer. But I did build a social circle over the years through common interests. Now that I've moved, I'll have to start over again, but I am comfortable spending time alone, so I'm okay with it.
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