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So she told you up front that she won't want to move, you accepted that and got married but now you are wondering how you can convince her to move anyway?
to put it bluntly, sort of. she told me up front that she'd be hesitant to move. again, this was fleshed out before marriage. nothing is changing other than me bringing it up again. people can (and do) change their minds for a variety of reasons.
that said, i am not going to convince her of anything. i am smart enough to know that if i "convince" her to move against her will that it would do way more damage than good.
we currently live in NY and my spouse does not want to ever move
any further than driving distance from her family (parents and sister).
i am somewhat the opposite and think in the "you only live once" mindset.
Cutting to the chase... cool your jets or get a different wife.
to put it bluntly, sort of. she told me up front that she'd be hesitant to move. again, this was fleshed out before marriage. nothing is changing other than me bringing it up again. people can (and do) change their minds for a variety of reasons.
that said, i am not going to convince her of anything. i am smart enough to know that if i "convince" her to move against her will that it would do way more damage than good.
I don't think it hurts to re-visit things occasionally. Who can predict when something new trumps an old feeling? In fact, avoiding serious topics like this would say more about how rigid (and friable) a relationship is than otherwise. You are communicating about your lives and you should. Skills we never use get stale and outdated. The manner in which topics get broached and discussed do matter however. Both of you have voices and need to exercise them.
to put it bluntly, sort of. she told me up front that she'd be hesitant to move. again, this was fleshed out before marriage. nothing is changing other than me bringing it up again. people can (and do) change their minds for a variety of reasons.
that said, i am not going to convince her of anything. i am smart enough to know that if i "convince" her to move against her will that it would do way more damage than good.
You have an itch and it is not being scratched. Have you tried vacations?
I hate to tell you, but your situation is very much like my brother in laws, and after 8 years of marriage, they are heading for a divorce. His wife grew up in NYC, has never left, has a large extended family there. She has a great job, but her job skills apply all over the U.S. (she is a senior member of HR at her employer.)
He doesn't have the career opportunities she does. He is an aviation mechanic and the big money there is working at a depot level maintenance facility for one of the big airlines. He has turned down 2 job offers in Dallas, TX already, both would have almost doubled his income. He is earning 40k a year, and as a family they are barely making it. They live in a family members basement, and pay over $2,000.00 a month in rent. They will never be able to purchase a home, or condo, living in NYC. It has started to really bother him that they have nothing except furniture that belongs to them. No vehicles, no property, nothing. It doesn't bother her, because her entire family lives this way, it is all that she knows. She is 34 years old and doesn't know how to drive.
To those that say, well he married her, your right. He did, he just never imagined that he would be spending the rest of his life living in her aunts basement because she is the only one in the family that has a home. Whenever he tries to bring up the subject, his wife goes off on him.
My family and I moved across the country for employment, and my wife wasn't happy at first. But over time the increased income made more things possible, and now she wouldn't want to move back next to her family.
I would only move if you had a rock solid opportunity available.
i negotiated my move - granted not cross country. i'm in the "there's a big world out there, i won't know if it's wrong for me unless i try it" boat, while hubby is the one who HAD to live next to family.
we moved 1 state away from family. close enough we could drive/fly in the event there was an emergency, but not close enough that anyone could just "pop in" un-announced.
the negotiation went like this - let's move there for 5 yrs, at the end of 5 yrs if you are not happy, i will move wherever you want. it's been almost 15 yrs & we are quite content in our new state.
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