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She might change her mind about her job once kids come into play. I'm a former NYC school teacher and once we had our 3rd I was done with working in a classroom. I've stayed in education, but taken positions that were remote or super flexible in order to be more present for my children. We did even move across the country for a better work life balance since my husband had this absurd commute of 4.5 hours a day. No regrets. Babies change things.
Someone asked, but yeah we are headed to Nevada (Henderson) this year. We actually booked a last minute flight today for Saturday meeting with the builder on Sunday, hoping to put down a deposit for a lot and build new. I’ve been wanting to move to Vegas for a decade now almost exactly. I was on my way there when I met my GF almost 8 years ago on a visit back home and then I found myself living back in my home town again, something I never intended. So it ends up being fair in the sense that I did move here for her and made that sacrifice but she’s now ready to move too. She will miss her family but we’re both very sick of where we live and the people don’t at all fit our personalities. The liberal social justice warrior thing isn’t something I can deal with long term at all.
For me, though, weather makes the biggest difference in my day to day mood. I want sun every day if possible and short of that, as much as possible! I like the heat and I like swimming often, enjoying being outdoors. Too much rain in my life and I don’t know how people tolerate living in some of these depressing cities, it just wears on me when it’s not sunny out.
Someone asked, but yeah we are headed to Nevada (Henderson) this year. We actually booked a last minute flight today for Saturday meeting with the builder on Sunday, hoping to put down a deposit for a lot and build new. I’ve been wanting to move to Vegas for a decade now almost exactly. I was on my way there when I met my GF almost 8 years ago on a visit back home and then I found myself living back in my home town again, something I never intended. So it ends up being fair in the sense that I did move here for her and made that sacrifice but she’s now ready to move too. She will miss her family but we’re both very sick of where we live and the people don’t at all fit our personalities. The liberal social justice warrior thing isn’t something I can deal with long term at all.
For me, though, weather makes the biggest difference in my day to day mood. I want sun every day if possible and short of that, as much as possible! I like the heat and I like swimming often, enjoying being outdoors. Too much rain in my life and I don’t know how people tolerate living in some of these depressing cities, it just wears on me when it’s not sunny out.
This isn’t at all comparable to the OP’s situation. The wife is giving up a lot and gaining almost nothing. She will give up her salary, her pension, her family ties just so her husband can satisfy his wanderlust and *possibly* get a slight increase in salary to help his ego. They aren’t even choosing a location with an extremely reduced COL. He is looking at areas that are quite expensive and have poor teacher pay and benefits. He has admitted they might not necessarily be ahead financially. NYC is not a “depressing city” - it has a ton to offer in terms of cultural amenities. The OP’s wife apparently likes her job and will be at the bottom rung when she moves. She also likes the area...
It is great it worked out for you, and it certainly works out for others. My sister initially refused to move somewhere to be with her now-husband and they even broke up over it for a while when they were dating, but they are both living there now and have great jobs, so that is no to say it can’t work out. However, it took my sister about 9 years to come around to moving there, and in the interim, she lived somewhere two years that she hated. Her perspective on this place she refused to move to changed during those two years.
She might change her mind about her job once kids come into play. I'm a former NYC school teacher and once we had our 3rd I was done with working in a classroom. I've stayed in education, but taken positions that were remote or super flexible in order to be more present for my children. We did even move across the country for a better work life balance since my husband had this absurd commute of 4.5 hours a day. No regrets. Babies change things.
good stuff, nice to hear a differing viewpoint.
curious what types of jobs are remote/flexible that you were able to find as a former teacher.
also, curious about your move. from and to? thanks!
This isn’t at all comparable to the OP’s situation. The wife is giving up a lot and gaining almost nothing. She will give up her salary, her pension, her family ties just so her husband can satisfy his wanderlust and *possibly* get a slight increase in salary to help his ego. They aren’t even choosing a location with an extremely reduced COL. He is looking at areas that are quite expensive and have poor teacher pay and benefits. He has admitted they might not necessarily be ahead financially. NYC is not a “depressing city” - it has a ton to offer in terms of cultural amenities. The OP’s wife apparently likes her job and will be at the bottom rung when she moves. She also likes the area...
It is great it worked out for you, and it certainly works out for others. My sister initially refused to move somewhere to be with her now-husband and they even broke up over it for a while when they were dating, but they are both living there now and have great jobs, so that is no to say it can’t work out. However, it took my sister about 9 years to come around to moving there, and in the interim, she lived somewhere two years that she hated. Her perspective on this place she refused to move to changed during those two years.
you are making a whole lot of assumptions:
1. she's giving up a lot and gaining nothing? how do you know? sure she'd be giving up a pretty great (for a teacher) salary and her NY retirement benefits but she agreed to that anyway when she told me she'd be open to relocating at all. that said, we wouldn't move somewhere if she couldn't find work if she needed to and the pension money itself isn't "gone" - it can remain in the NY pension system or withdrawn for use elsewhere. not to mention we have and will continue to use various vehicles for our retirement dollars.
2. my ego? what in the world. it is a simple fact that while i make slightly more than my wife now, i am a bit underpaid for my industry and experience. i love my job and the people i work with/for right now which is why i haven't made a move. but if i do, i reckon i'd make a +50% bump easily. this is backed by real world data.
3. she likes the area for family only. nothing else about it; weather, traffic, cost, etc.
you seem to be personally offended for some reason - if not i cannot find rationale for some of your attacks. specifically the ego one.
In my experience, the people who are most reluctant to move across the country usually hail from large, clannish Italian- or Irish-American families in the Northeast. Typically, those people feel "left out" of family gatherings because their entire extended families live in the same general area. Also, many of these people have a difficult time adjusting to the local customs and norms of places outside of the Northeast, largely because they are not particularly friendly or outgoing.
It would not surprise me if the OP's wife fits that description.
We moved a couple of times and three continents. Initially I brought home the bread now it is the butter while SO is a Golden Child. This was discussed and wholeheartedly agreed upon.
You may have discussed things in the past but it did not get any further. Your wife wants and has her career, family close by and is in her comfort zone. Those roots will probably grow deeper with children.
curious what types of jobs are remote/flexible that you were able to find as a former teacher.
also, curious about your move. from and to? thanks!
We moved from NYC metro to Phoenix. Remote work: I contract with the NYC dept. of ed. They have some opportunities to do that part time. I average about 20 hours a week with them. I also work for a testing company supervising people who score teacher candidate portfolios and I adjunct some college ed. courses online. I'm earning today about what I did when I left teaching full time in the city 8 years ago, BUT it's insanely flexible, which is needed with my young family, doesn't take up more than maybe 30 hours of my week, AND I can do it from anywhere which means a much lower cost of living. It balances out.
I mean having a baby might drive your wife to want to stay near family even more, so there's that, but I found when we lived near ours we wouldn't prioritize seeing them or would see them more for short visits. Now that we live far, they fly out a few times a year to visit and the time with my kids is super intentional because it's not as often. I actually think it's a better balance. They find specific things to do with them here like hiking, museums or visiting landmarks.
i negotiated my move - granted not cross country. i'm in the "there's a big world out there, i won't know if it's wrong for me unless i try it" boat, while hubby is the one who HAD to live next to family.
we moved 1 state away from family. close enough we could drive/fly in the event there was an emergency, but not close enough that anyone could just "pop in" un-announced.
the negotiation went like this - let's move there for 5 yrs, at the end of 5 yrs if you are not happy, i will move wherever you want. it's been almost 15 yrs & we are quite content in our new state.
Pahrump, NV? Do you know Art Bell?
I think you have a good idea---suggest trying it for a couple years without cutting ties, and see how that goes. Someone brought up the sabbatical idea....
Earlier in the thread, it was "we'll probably break even." You're spinning a bit, I think.
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