So Do You Want to Play Marriage Counselor? (back west, quality of life, moved)
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I am thinking that you should narrow down the region for a climate you can agree on, and THEN check out all the cities in that region of any size with a population greater than 30,000 and then check those cities out for the amenities (restaurants, shopping, etc.) that are important to you. After that, depending on how far you are willing to travel for shopping and restaurants, draw a radius around the cities that make your "finalist list" for the amount of miles you are willing to travel to go out to eat, and then check out those towns within the radius for home prices and the kind of towns/communities they are. (City Data is great for that, and TripAdvisor will tell you how much of a variety in restaurants there are.)
I also think that the best solution for people who like rural but also like the big city advantages is to put the main focus on your home's location because most people won't go to "the city" all that often, unless there are no large grocery stores close by. (Of course, it depends on one's definition of "all that often", but for us that means just three or four times a year.)
Btw, it took us eight years to find our perfect spot, so the earlier you start, the better!! (And, btw, our first pick turned out to be wrong for us, whereas our final pick just fell into place like it was meant to be!)
Also, a trick my husband and I have used for our retirement location, buying a home, and vacation decisions is for each of us to make a list of what is important to us, and then combine the lists, and then each of list the items on the combined list from most important to least important. The top five priorities (out of a list of about 20 items) for each of us was "non-negotiable", and if any item on our "top five" had contradicted one of the other's "top five", we would have either compromised or entered into a "give and take" negotiation on the rest of the items.
[However, my husband and I are very fortunate in that we are so compatible in our wants that the only thing that my husband had to "give up" was having a good Japanese restaurant within 50 miles of us. (I like Japanese food, too, but it was never a "deal breaker" for me.)]
Good luck!!
Last edited by katharsis; 07-05-2020 at 06:01 PM..
Nix the entire "coastal" East Coast--and I mean from MA on down to FL (research my previous posts). Winters will wreak havoc on your wife. Cold/damp/humid are killers. So you might consider San Diego, or perhaps CO which may have the best of both worlds (though from what I understand "winter" as such could last forever in CO.
Prior to my retirement in 2018, I had lived in New England since 1986. Winters were a crapshoot. If it was a "wet" winter my arthritic bones suffered greatly; on the other hand, some winters were not so bad. This will be the norm up and down the East Coast in general. One year I flew to visit my daughter in Savannah for New Years Eve. When I left CT it was 40s, damp, cold. When I arrived in Savannah--guess what--it was "40s, damp, cold."
I'm from upstate NY and quite frankly this was never an issue--of course I was 50 years younger then. In my 20s I lived in Rochester, NY and had no issues--we moved to the Boston area in 1986 and that's when I started to experience SADs and "arthritis" big time.
As a "former wife" I agree--if Mama ain't happy, NOBODY will be happy..."
I was just checking the population of towns in the western part of Kentucky, where I live. Population of Owensboro is 57,000. but in 5 minutes you could just about be sitting out on a farm or a nice country neighborhood. Not putting in a plug for Owensboro but just showing that the size of the city doesn't mean you have to live IN the city. I've lived and worked in that area. But there's plenty of things to see and do in that area, either in Owensboro and Henderson, Ky. (Pop.28,000), or Evansville, In (117,000), in that triangle. Cost of living isn't bad, concerts and sports usually in Evansville, and plenty of shopping in all 3 cities.
Humidity gets a little rough at times. Heat index today was upper 90s. Ohio and Green Rivers for plenty of boating and fishing if you want to get away for a while.
I am thinking that you should narrow down the region for a climate you can agree on, and THEN check out all the cities in that region of any size with a population greater than 30,000 and then check those cities out for the amenities (restaurants, shopping, etc.) that are important to you. After that, depending on how far you are willing to travel for shopping and restaurants, draw a radius around the cities that make your "finalist list" for the amount of miles you are willing to travel to go out to eat, and then check out those towns within the radius for home prices and the kind of towns/communities they are. (City Data is great for that, and TripAdvisor will tell you how much of a variety in restaurants there are.)
I also think that the best solution for people who like rural but also like the big city advantages is to put the main focus on your home's location because most people won't go to "the city" all that often, unless there are no large grocery stores close by. (Of course, it depends on one's definition of "all that often", but for us that means just three or four times a year.)
Btw, it took us eight years to find our perfect spot, so the earlier you start, the better!! (And, btw, our first pick turned out to be wrong for us, whereas our final pick just fell into place like it was meant to be!)
Also, a trick my husband and I have used for our retirement location, buying a home, and vacation decisions is for each of us to make a list of what is important to us, and then combine the lists, and then each of list the items on the combined list from most important to least important. The top five priorities (out of a list of about 20 items) for each of us was "non-negotiable", and if our "top five" had contradicted each other, we would have either compromised or entered into a "give and take" negotiation on the rest of the items.
[However, my husband and I are very fortunate in that we are so compatible in our wants that the only thing that my husband had to "give up" was having a good Japanese restaurant within 50 miles of us. (I like Japanese food, too, but it was never a "deal breaker" for me.)]
Good luck!!
THIS! Make sure your priorities are compatible first.
So we’re thinking of moving, but there’s still two issues where we have opposite beliefs and need to find a compromise.
Size - We live now in a rural county with two stoplights and a population of about 30K with little in terms of amenities. We both agree we want something larger so we can get more choices for food, shopping, etc.
The issue is how big we should go. My wife is essentially a country girl who is afraid of cities. She doesn’t want anything larger than 40K. While I don’t need a major metro, I would like to be closer to something bigger for job diversity and culture.
Climate - She has arthritis in her knees that gets worse with cold temperatures. So I understand that she wants to live somewhere warm. But for me, I lose the will to live when temperatures hit 90 for a few days. I couldn’t imagine that for months at a time.
Any thoughts about what could get us back on track?
These are incompatible. Someone has to give. I suggest it be you, since yours is just a dislike and hers is a physical disability.
You will have to decide if you can stand heat but not humidity. That'll be the difference between some place like South Carolina or Arizona.
I am thinking that you should narrow down the region for a climate you can agree on, and THEN check out all the cities in that region of any size with a population greater than 30,000 and then check those cities out for the amenities (restaurants, shopping, etc.) that are important to you. After that, depending on how far you are willing to travel for shopping and restaurants, draw a radius around the cities that make your "finalist list" for the amount of miles you are willing to travel to go out to eat, and then check out those towns within the radius for home prices and the kind of towns/communities they are. (City Data is great for that, and TripAdvisor will tell you how much of a variety in restaurants there are.)
...
Btw, it took us eight years to find our perfect spot, so the earlier you start, the better!! (And, btw, our first pick turned out to be wrong for us, whereas our final pick just fell into place like it was meant to be!)
.....
This makes me feel better. We thought about moving in 2013, but we clearly weren't ready. I insisted on living in a major city and she insisted on being right on the beach. At an impasse, we stayed where we are now.
Last night, we thought about what type of climate would be best for us. We don't want to go to the far West..we can't afford the West Coast and she doesn't like desert. Plus we want to be within a reasonable driving distance of our parents. So, being stuck in the East, it's pick your poison, deal with summer or deal with winter...or deal with both.
This isn't scientific at all, but she picked the minimum daily high temperature she would feel comfortable (45) and I picked the maximum high temperature I'd feel comfortable with (80). I then went to the National Weather Service website and started typing in cities and recording how many days a year the average high temperature was between 45 and 80.
It turns out that Interstate 40 is roughly a line through the cities that have the most days of these temperatures. If you go too far north of it, you have to worry about winter in addition to summer. If you go too far south, summers become too long.
This makes me feel better. We thought about moving in 2013, but we clearly weren't ready. I insisted on living in a major city and she insisted on being right on the beach. At an impasse, we stayed where we are now.
Last night, we thought about what type of climate would be best for us. We don't want to go to the far West..we can't afford the West Coast and she doesn't like desert. Plus we want to be within a reasonable driving distance of our parents. So, being stuck in the East, it's pick your poison, deal with summer or deal with winter...or deal with both.
This isn't scientific at all, but she picked the minimum daily high temperature she would feel comfortable (45) and I picked the maximum high temperature I'd feel comfortable with (80). I then went to the National Weather Service website and started typing in cities and recording how many days a year the average high temperature was between 45 and 80.
It turns out that Interstate 40 is roughly a line through the cities that have the most days of these temperatures. If you go too far north of it, you have to worry about winter in addition to summer. If you go too far south, summers become too long.
This makes me feel better. We thought about moving in 2013, but we clearly weren't ready. I insisted on living in a major city and she insisted on being right on the beach. At an impasse, we stayed where we are now.
Last night, we thought about what type of climate would be best for us. We don't want to go to the far West..we can't afford the West Coast and she doesn't like desert. Plus we want to be within a reasonable driving distance of our parents. So, being stuck in the East, it's pick your poison, deal with summer or deal with winter...or deal with both.
This isn't scientific at all, but she picked the minimum daily high temperature she would feel comfortable (45) and I picked the maximum high temperature I'd feel comfortable with (80). I then went to the National Weather Service website and started typing in cities and recording how many days a year the average high temperature was between 45 and 80.
It turns out that Interstate 40 is roughly a line through the cities that have the most days of these temperatures. If you go too far north of it, you have to worry about winter in addition to summer. If you go too far south, summers become too long.
Brilliant!
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