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I've been living and traveling abroad for 5 years and I'm finally deciding to move back to the US and settle down.
Is any of my below concerns a red flag? This is my first "real" move in a long time, and I'm thinking of setting down for at least a few years. I don't want to screw myself over by moving somewhere I love but feeling isolated and having to make friends. At the same time, I don't want to move somewhere where I know people, but hate the weather and culture in general.
I'm debating between:
- Philadelphia
- Best friend and his wife live there
- I'd have lots of social connections from other friends who live in the area
- I hate the weather in the winters (and I ride motorcycles) and the outdoor activities are lacking
- Noe a huge fan of the East Coast lifestyle, never felt at home there
- Somewhere in Cali
- I love the weather, especially since I ride bikes, and there is an endless supply of outdoor activities
- Bigger fan of the slightly more laidback lifestyle, love being near nature and hiking, etc.
- I don't know anyone there, except a couple people up north, and I'm worried it'll be hard to make friends and accrue a social group as a 31 year old dude
Job is not a concern, as I'm highly employable and expect to quickly find a position.
I'm finally deciding to move back to the US and settle down.
Is any of my below concerns a red flag?
Job is not a concern, as I'm highly employable and expect to quickly find a position.
I would vote culture except you better take a short term lease if its CA. that’s become one crazy state; they have seriously cold winters in N.CA. And rents are so high there’s tons of people sharing houses and apartments, tons of homeless, crowded freeways, beaches and nature trails. Every time I hike in CA, its hard to find a public trail that’s not practically a pedestrian walkway these days. In the past few years, the continuous spring and summer fires pollute the air and hamper hiking. I have a 40 year history of regularly spending tons of time in both Southern and N. Cal......... its changed a lot.
- Job environment and culture (plenty of jobs in field? trends show positive growth?)
- Culture (is it of similar or desired ways, or radically different from your roots and the new people are like aliens?)
- Cost of living (equal or better, or showing runaway trends?)
Activities I enjoy doing without the need for dangerous, long hours of driving. But, if your work hours/schedule at the new job completely place you out of phase with the events you want to get down to, it's back to square one/Lonerville.
Just join a motorcycle club in CA, and you'll make friends.
I've lived in places where I didn't like the weather and had friends, but friends can get busy, have kids, get married, etc. You can't rely on friends to be your only source of happiness.
But, if you live in a place you love, with weather you love, and a culture you love, you can make friends with like-minded people in that same environment. And, if your friends are busy, you can get on your bike and go for a drive in decent weather by yourself.
I have faced this decision, and I've moved away and it took me a long time to move back - and I'm never moving away again.
I'd seriously consider if CA is where you want to be long-term, though. I lived in Los Angeles for 5 years, I am very glad that I moved there, obviously have zero regrets, and would do the exact same thing over again. I needed to move there for the film industry. During my 5 years, I wrote and directed award winning music videos, a short film, and a feature that got distribution, learned my craft, started my company (which is still based in CA), etc. What I didn't do is make a single long term friend, whatsoever. I have never met such shallow, selfish, user-y people in my life. I think because it's such a competitive city and industry, everyone just does whatever they have to do to succeed, including using other people. I wasn't really about that.
The other reality at least of a place like LA is that friends who aren't pretty much in your city are... not going to see you a lot. It takes forever to get anywhere, and it's just not practical to make friends with someone in, say, Santa Monica when you're living in downtown, or Whittier when you're in Venice, or whatever else. It takes 15 minutes just to get onto a freeway from anywhere in Beverly Hills. I have to say everything those people call great is usually very overrated, too. Beverly Hills sucks. It's only great if you're a VERY wealthy celebrity and have personal assistants, otherwise who on earth would want to live somewhere with such poor access to freeways and nothing remotely close to it? It's a "private" lifestyle, alright, so private you can't get anywhere. The weather? Eh, LA weather is ok, I prefer Vegas weather honestly. LA is too cold most of the year. I think it's fantastic for people who just like a room temperature weather all of the time, because it's definitely between 65-75 most of the year, but it so rarely gets nice enough to be considered "swimming weather" or truly good weather that I was disappointed. Winters are cold, too, and rain a lot. It rains 5 times as much in LA as it does in Vegas, for instance, and honestly I just expected better weather from as much as they brag about it. I thought their weather is ok by world standards, by US standards it's great, but that's because most of the US has horrible weather outside of a couple of states. If you compare LA weather to Cabo San Lucas, it's absolutely horrible, or compared to Hawaii, so it's really no reason to move there honestly. If weather was that important, you can do better.
I think you have to be happy in the place where you live, and for me, who would want to make friends with me in Portland? I'm a libertarian who hates Portland and everything it stands for. Most people I meet here are going to think I'm just a negative nancy about this "great" place, so I have my existing friends who mostly agree this place sucks, but I'd rather be somewhere I love and where my positive attitude helps me make new friends. If you hate the place you're living, it just becomes a big drag on your entire life, at least that's what I've found. Some people do better than others about tolerating it. I can't live somewhere that taxes me to heck and back, and somewhere I fundamentally disagree with the government on every decision they make, etc. I can't tolerate the people who talk about how great rain is, like they are living in some alternate reality where BAD weather is somehow good, even though we accept as a world, as humanity, that good weather means nice and sunny and warm, and bad weather means rainy, stormy, and cold. These people, just as they do politically, want to turn right into wrong, bad into good, and black is white. It's intolerable.
Pick a place to live where you love the place. You'll meet great people who also love that place!
I would live in neither of the 2 states you're considering.
I've lived in 25 of the 50 U.S. states. The place I LOVED and will from here out consider home is Portland,Oregon. I loved the weather ( which is number 1 on my priority list) and the scenic views and the "there is something for everyone" culture.
What I don't like is that unless you grew up there and/or you're introduced into a clique you will be virtually ignored by everyone you meet outside of work.
I've been living and traveling abroad for 5 years and I'm finally deciding to move back to the US and settle down.
Is any of my below concerns a red flag? This is my first "real" move in a long time, and I'm thinking of setting down for at least a few years. I don't want to screw myself over by moving somewhere I love but feeling isolated and having to make friends. At the same time, I don't want to move somewhere where I know people, but hate the weather and culture in general.
I'm debating between:
- Philadelphia
- Best friend and his wife live there
- I'd have lots of social connections from other friends who live in the area
- I hate the weather in the winters (and I ride motorcycles) and the outdoor activities are lacking
- Noe a huge fan of the East Coast lifestyle, never felt at home there
- Somewhere in Cali
- I love the weather, especially since I ride bikes, and there is an endless supply of outdoor activities
- Bigger fan of the slightly more laidback lifestyle, love being near nature and hiking, etc.
- I don't know anyone there, except a couple people up north, and I'm worried it'll be hard to make friends and accrue a social group as a 31 year old dude
Job is not a concern, as I'm highly employable and expect to quickly find a position.
I loved Center City, PA. Lots to do.
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Best friend and his wife live there
I hate the weather in the winters (and I ride motorcycles) and the outdoor activities are lacking
