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"How do people get through those first weeks & months without going crazy???"
It's not easy, Cinnabon! Just after my 59th birthday in December, I moved away from Chicago, where I'd spent my whole life, to Greenville, South Carolina. For the first three months I was sick and mourning everything I'd left behind. I was questioning my sanity and just miserable. Then, slowly, I started adjusting. When spring came (which is just glorious in SC) and I was feeling better, something started turning around for me, and I started finding less to miss about my old life and more to like about the new location. I still don't know many people, but I'm much happier in my new place than I ever was in Chicago.
I'm in Chicago now visiting old friends and getting my condo here ready to sell. It's been great seeing my friends again, eating Portillo's hot dogs and Chicago style pizza, etc. But, you know what? I was ready to go back to Greenville within a few hours of arrival. It's a different way of life and ever so much more beautiful. I guess for me, it was a good move after all.
I hope that, in time, you will learn to like where you've relocated to as well -- or at least find a few redeeming features that will help you tolerate it until you're able to move again.
Wow, that must have been tough! I know it's hard for anyone, but I think when people do this in their 20's they are more resilient and it's a little easier to uproot and start fresh. Once you hit 40's & up, you have so much more history to leave behind. That's great that it turned out to be the best thing for you after all! I'm pretty sure I'll like Utah, and after a few months when ski season starts I'll probably love it, and this will also help with meeting people. And I know NJ is not right for me, and that I will definitely never go back - or anywhere East for that matter. I'm a fish out of water here.
But aside from adjusting to a new culture, a lot of it will be adjusting to being single, after a 5 year relationship, and missing my best friend, who is my boyfriend. It might be easier if we "broke up", but that's not the case. I'm sure we'll be in close contact for a while at least. I guess I have to make myself focus on the reasons why I needed to move on... and hopefully I'll enjoy being out there enough that I won't focus too much on the past.
As a transplant from Texas currently living (24 years now!) in New Jersey I can safely say, ''IT HASN'T GOTTEN ANY BETTER''! No comfort food. I hate the cold winter seasons. And ALL my family, what there's left over the years, is in Texas. No, my friend, I'm homesick! Dying a very slow death. I will say that I've calmed down a bit in trying to adjust and adapt, but I definitely need to get out of this place...before I do something stupid. This place is not worth my effort. I can tell you that if you give Texas half a chance you will at best be happy.
i would not know. the few times i have been happy i woke up and found out i was in a snake pit.
every morning on the sahara the slowest antalope has got to outrun the fastest lion, been like that for me the whole time. we are not held responsible for the cards we are dealt
just how well we play them.
Well, you could choose to feel happy that you're living a fascinating life, instead of choosing to feel unhappy that you're living a fascinating life...
The nature of our experiences -- that is, how we feel about the events and non-events in our lives -- comes from within us, not from outside us. As long as we wait for things to "get better", our life will continue to be waiting for things to get better. Choice of feelings, thoughts, words and actions, is how we make things get better.
Some see a snowfall and get angry; some see a snowfall and get gleeful. It all comes from within us, so the power to be happy or unhappy is our choice... I wish you joy!
To the OP: it's a bummer that you don't enjoy your new place....but if you know you are going to be there a while, the best thing you can do is work on your attitude. Find things that make you happy.
As for moving your children - I am someone who was moved often as a kid and didn't really have problems with it. The first day at a new school was always the hardest but if you make moving an adventure for your kids instead of a stressful situation they will weather the change just fine.
The best thing to do now is make the best of the situation. It may be easier said than done, but I believe home is where you make it - so enjoy being with your family and watching your kids grow up - that is far more important than your location.
I have to laugh when I read your posting. I did the same thing. I lived in Colorado Springs for 15 years then moved to Houston (The Woodlands) I lived there for 4 yrs and the whole time I complained about the heat,bugs,dirty water,traffic ...........anything I could come up with. Now I live in Seattle. I regret ever moving but if I was ever to move again I am torn between Co and Texas. I really miss Texas and I can't believe it and I do not want to miss Texas. I am suppose to hate it. I think I miss the housing and the people, but then again I had all my kids there. Now they are getting ready to leave for the army and have one and grandkids in Co. I keep remembering the heat and unfortantly we can not change that. We got into boating while in Tx and know enjoy boating in washington. I love the people in tx but love the boating in wa!!!!!!!!!! Give it some time. I know it is hard but give it a chance and maybe you to will learn to love texas. Go to Corpus or Port A go boating watch the dolphins when you are done pull up and get dinner from the boat. Good luck
Well, you could choose to feel happy that you're living a fascinating life, instead of choosing to feel unhappy that you're living a fascinating life...
The nature of our experiences -- that is, how we feel about the events and non-events in our lives -- comes from within us, not from outside us. As long as we wait for things to "get better", our life will continue to be waiting for things to get better. Choice of feelings, thoughts, words and actions, is how we make things get better.
Some see a snowfall and get angry; some see a snowfall and get gleeful. It all comes from within us, so the power to be happy or unhappy is our choice... I wish you joy!
Excellent post. Your posts are always so positive. People are struggling more and more and we tend to forget how short and precious life is and what you stated is so true.
I feel your pain. It is hard, very hard. When I moved from CA to TX I really liked some of the surrounding areas, Dallas, Plano, Carrollton, Arlington, Irving, etc. But I was in Euless. The locals kindly called it "Useless" and it was. Nothing there. Just an exit between Fort Worth and Dallas. The weather was unpredictable - 70s on Monday, raining monday night, Snowing Wednesday, rain again Wednesday night, mid-60s Thursday and finally more rain on Friday with high winds. Cracked the engine on my beemer. Whats 1000+ miles on foot when you are really determined? After a little over a year I was able to head back to CA - Boy, was I happy! But while in TX, I just kept busy working and enjoyed the people I did meet, most were some very genuine people and always willing to lend a helping hand. Its hard trying to find 'familiar' in an unfamiliar place and if the people don't appear to be particularly friendly in general, that makes it even more difficult (and that can happen, depends on the culture). But keep busy with your kids, stay involved, make small vacations where possible and know this will pass. After I got back to CA I was disoriented for about a year (CA waits for no one). Things had changed so much in that year that I almost felt lost. After 10 years, it became so crowed, expensive and fast paced I couldn't even enjoy the things I missed in the first place. Now, that we've moved to TN, I miss CA but would i move back? I can't think where. I miss the space and time we were in when we were there. I miss the familiar of that time. I miss not having to explain what I mean all the time to people who don't know me. I miss the knowing smiles. We are scheduled for a trip back home next month to finish our move since our furniture, family pictures and all that stuff is still in storage and I don't know how I'll feel or what to expect since its been over a year again and I know things have changed dramatically from what friends have told me. But happy to be going back for a visit.
Don't worry about moving your kids unless they are in the middle of school, and by that I mean past 3rd grade. Kids are so resilient and make friends easily, probably easier than you will. I have often heard that you should give it at least two years before you really feel at home in a new place. Try getting involved in a church or playgroup and make some friends, that will make it much more tolerable even if you decide to move again. Whatever you decide your kids will be fine as long as they have you.
You are correct in saying that kids are resilient...but not past the third grade? Not so...I can speak from experience...my parents moved me several times in high school and I did just fine!! I had new friends by the end of the first day...and I'm a shy person by nature! You said it all when you said they will be fine as long as they have mom and dad! It's true!
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Angry transplant in New Jersey
Choice of feelings, thoughts, words and actions, is how we make things get better.
After a little over a year I was able to head back to CA - Boy, was I happy! But while in TX, I just kept busy working and enjoyed the people I did meet, most were some very genuine people and always willing to lend a helping hand. Its hard trying to find 'familiar' in an unfamiliar place and if the people don't appear to be particularly friendly in general, that makes it even more difficult (and that can happen, depends on the culture). But keep busy with your kids, stay involved, make small vacations where possible and know this will pass. After I got back to CA I was disoriented for about a year (CA waits for no one). Things had changed so much in that year that I almost felt lost. After 10 years, it became so crowed, expensive and fast paced I couldn't even enjoy the things I missed in the first place. Now, that we've moved to TN, I miss CA but would i move back? I can't think where. I miss the space and time we were in when we were there. I miss the familiar of that time. I miss not having to explain what I mean all the time to people who don't know me. I miss the knowing smiles. We are scheduled for a trip back home next month to finish our move since our furniture, family pictures and all that stuff is still in storage and I don't know how I'll feel or what to expect since its been over a year again and I know things have changed dramatically from what friends have told me. But happy to be going back for a visit.
