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Okay so to help me and others I am writing about my issues with the whole relocating thing. My hubby got a job in IN we packed up relo was paid for. Had issues with moving truck driver and people who moved us. About 4 things were missing and men didn't arrive on time as they were called in from 2 states over. Had issues with relo package and what they pay, please people get an itemized list of what they pay for, because we owed them in the end not knowing in advance how much. Hubby had a great job and just got a raise before we left, but he traveled extensively and this new job would have him be home, we have 4 kiddos, overwhelmed am I at times. Well it has now been a year, what has happened is this: 4 months of sick to my stomach he\\. I was homesick couldn't shake it as much as I wanted to think positively and wow I live in a 3600 sq. foot house and appreciate it, just couldn't do it. It was like I felt this overwhelming sick feeling as soon as we got to the house to unpack. Felt very isolated and confused if we made the right decision. On top of all of this is he wasn't getting paid what was promised either. He was hired to be a manager and 6 of the people who hired him in as a group 3 relocated themselves and the other 3 were slowly laid off or let go. We gained alot with new mortgage and we were depending on the new pay. This has made us short every month, 'causing more grief. It took them 8 months to get his paycheck right how much commission and salary. Still not to where it should be. First of all the housing market took a dump and the economy and gas are ridiculous. My hubbys job is directly related to the housing industry, needless to say he was sent here to be a great boss and although he's thriving somewhat its caused alot of heartache, everyone back east misses us. We also miss them dearly, we originally thought, oh yeah this will be our great big adventure. Its been a long winter, short paycheck, clannish type neighbors that only say hi and keep walking, we're coming from a place where we'd have like 10 kids at our house, here they are hermits. We are looking to move back. The schools are nice and my house is nice, but thats it. The taxes are low, but thats because you have to buy the school supplies for your kids, I have never had to do this. The added cost is worth paying more taxes back east than I don't have to worry about it. Its more expensive in gas and in groceries, I have compared and have recently been back east and its less. I feel like we were suckered into this and the only rewards we have gotten are a big house and hubby being home, which is a big plus but thats it. We needed the space and we needed my hubby to be home, but we have no one over because we hardly know anyone and our neighbors act like if you haven't known them your whole life than you ain't in the magic circle. Know what I mean?? I am a survivor by nature I take on challenges, hey I've had 4 kids thats proof but I can honestly say since we've moved it has not made us happier in the least in fact quite the contrary its made us sad, we may be a little closer but always worrying about money and not being able to go anywhere is hard. I did lose 20 pounds through exercising a sort of mind over matter thing. I think when you have a big family and your always at functions and your always with them its great, but now we can't even see them even if we're bored and don't have any money. We just sit in the house and veg. My husband looks sad and I feel it. Our kids are resilient, but they miss back home too. I don't want to sound like a whiner and I thought that I was tough skinned person. I gotta tell ya though, if you grew up with certain things and ideals and familiarity and then go to something totally different like move from the east coast to the midwest 9.5 hours a way, its a shock to the system and still a year later hasn't gone away. Stay with family eveyone, we are trying to get back, we sort of regret coming here, maybe if the paycheck was better we'd not be so hung up on it. We thought it was a great opportunity, but we're just not thriving. I know that this is long and drawn out, but I hope that I've helped others see what relo can do, stay with family when it comes down to it, even if you visit a couple of times a year your still out of the loop and your still away. We want to be back. Even if lives get busy and kids get older you still have them close by if you want to take a drive and see them.
Sad for you. It's one thing to have an adventure away when you're young and don't have kids. Hope you're able to get back soon.
I moved back home from one of the most beautiful and economically prosperous places in the country to raise my kids in a place with no jobs just to have them grow up with their cousins and grandparents. It was a good decision. Now I just wish they hadn't had to move away to make a living. I know what you mean when you say you're out of the loop. Lucky if I hear from them for five minutes once a month.
We all get to choose how we feel about every moment of our lives. That is what our lives actually are; and that is how we create happy or unhappy lives. I wish you the joy to choose joy!!
sometimes life throws these things at you and instead of bobbing out of the way we got hit with them, you can choose to be happy but sometimes your circumstances choose for you and that can be a true hinderance alot of the time. I am a positive person usually, but you can't help when things aren't going remotely how you want them to go. If that means going home than so be it. We discussed if we did go home would that mean that we failed and it isn't that we just want what is best for the family as a whole. Thanks for the kind words.
Your story sounds very familiar. Being in that situation sucks -- I've been there (twice now). Our first move--we carried two mortgages for over a year and I couldn't enjoy my new, bigger house because I was constantly stressed about money. My husband made this move with a major builder and it was fraught with issues (move, job, etc.) The writing was on the wall that this was not the best "move" for his career so he switched jobs and we had the new employer buy our house from us so we wouldn't have that particular stress but moving away from family was tough. It took me a good 9 months to get over.
I can and can't believe your neighbors aren't friendlier--especially with kids. We've lived in our house for a year and not one neighbor has even said hello to us. We have children and they're empty nesters. I just look at it as "no big deal" and we're not home too much anyway. Have you thought about putting your kids in activities? Once I put my two oldest in activities, I started meeting people and it made my life a lot easier to start having people to talk to and I realized I spent less time missing my family and calling them. I also push myself to make the effort. I haven't found Californians to be very friendly but I constantly invite moms and kids over for play dates and although it's not reciprocated--it makes me feel that I'm making the effort to help my children adjust and make friends.
Moving to the midwest can be a shock to the system. My in-laws live in the midwest and my husband was born and raised. There's no way I can see myself living there (by choice). But any move from east to mid to west or vice-versa is traumatic. I cried the first month I went grocery shopping in California because the supermarkets aren't as good as the east coast and they cost twice as much.
sometimes life throws these things at you and instead of bobbing out of the way we got hit with them, you can choose to be happy but sometimes your circumstances choose for you and that can be a true hinderance alot of the time. I am a positive person usually, but you can't help when things aren't going remotely how you want them to go. If that means going home than so be it. We discussed if we did go home would that mean that we failed and it isn't that we just want what is best for the family as a whole. Thanks for the kind words.
I agree with your post.Some situations in life take a toll on happiness.I do understand how you feel I miss where I came from, but am trying to enjoy my area now, which is beautiful,I wouldn't worry about the failing thing,look at it as you saw a differnt lifestyle and area and had the courage to try .In life sometimes you need to take risks.You didn't FAIL ,and don't worry what ANYONE thinks , do what's good for YOU and YOUR family.p.s. would I move back if possible-YES . I wish you much luck and send you best wishes..
I am sorry this was not a good move for you .
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt - but fortunately it is a decision that can be reversed!
Your situation is why I ALWAYS suggest that you rent when you move to a new state - do not buy right away! It is impossible to quickly buy a home in a new town that you know nothing about and expect to have picked the right place with limited knowledge of the city or feel of the neighborhood.
Remember, everything happens for a reason.... maybe when you move back you will have a stronger family bond or will find the perfect home.
Okay so to help me and others I am writing about my issues with the whole relocating thing.
I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time. Everything happens for a reason, even though at the time we don't understand it. I know what you mean about snobby neighbors. Most of my neighbors don't speak, but I've taken the attitude "who cares" after 5 years here. I'm trying to accomplish some other things in my life and plan for the future. 1-1/2 yrs from now we can move. Just take it one day at a time (or even one hour at time) and concentrate on making the best life you are able to for your kids right now. That's what matters.
I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time. Everything happens for a reason, even though at the time we don't understand it. I know what you mean about snobby neighbors. Most of my neighbors don't speak, but I've taken the attitude "who cares" after 5 years here. I'm trying to accomplish some other things in my life and plan for the future. 1-1/2 yrs from now we can move. Just take it one day at a time (or even one hour at time) and concentrate on making the best life you are able to for your kids right now. That's what matters.
I sure hope things improve for you very soon.
Excellent post. I am having to regroup, and move back to where there are real careers with real pay. I am planning a year out. To the OP maybe, just try and do what I did after three years in a place and disliking it, list what you want, where (what area) can offer it, and take your time.
One day at a time definitely helped save my sanity. NO one was meant to live just anywhere in the U.S., certain areas are just not for certain people, and to make our own happy future, relocating is sometimes the better option.
Best of luck. We just moved from our 'magic circle' to a new neighborhood with our dream house. It is extremely difficult going from an amazing neighborhood to a new place where people are just not quite as welcoming and friendly.
That said, I plan this weekend to meet some of the neighbors and introduce myself. In a few weeks once we are better settled we'll throw a party and invite them over. I am hoping this will help our transition!
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I totally get your vibe, but..
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