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We just finished a move like this. My husband got a new job in February so he left California for Connecticut and I stayed in California with the kids until school was out. Luckily his company paid for him to fly home every other weekend but because it was such a long distance it ended up being about 1 day every two weeks that we saw him. We did get through it though.
We also ended up having my husband pick out the house, with me only seeing pictures of it on the internet. He did a great job though and we are really happy with it.
My advice is just be patient through the process, knowing that it will end eventually and in the end you will have a huge appreciation for being back together as a family again. Good luck!
My friend did it one year ago and her husband still hasn't joined her. Her and her 2 kids moved to NC and her husband stayed on LI until he got a post office transfer which he thought wouldn't take that long. 4 Months ago he got a transfer to Wilmington, 3 hrs away from their home. He sees his family on the weekends.
My husband and I are hoping to move to NC at the same time, but if his transfer comes through before I get a job, he will go ahead of me, or vice versa. Its not easy, but I guess you have to make it work.
We are almost at the end of our separation. (which has only been a couple of months) My husband was given 2 weeks notice he would be relocating to Chicago. So off he went while i had to stay here, work... etc. I went back to see him once and we drove around and looked at different areas we had been thinking about moving to. Well, selling our home is out... because of the market...but my next door neighbors brother, wife and 2 wee ones will be moving in Dec 1st! I have now got a whole new list of things to do! His company isn't paying a cent of this relocation so we'll be broke when this is all over! He has found a little house to rent which is around the corner from where he lives now. We'll stay close to the city and hunker down for winter then re-emerge in the spring...So now all we have to do is pack... and drive and drive and drive...and drive
Ah, the story of my life. LOL We're actually in that situation right now. The Army sort of has a nasty habit of taking him away during a move. He's helped me, if I recall correctly, 1 time in the almost 12 years we've been married, and the 4 big moves (and several little moves within the same town) we've made. Right now he's in training for 8 months, and I'll be moving while he's gone...I'll need to sell our current home, and buy our new one while he's away. Fun times! It does help, though, that I have so many supportive, and able, friends here to help on this end, and already established friendships, and a realtor lined up, on the other end. I have a feeling it'll all work out just fine. =)
We just completed such a move over the summer and are doing it AGAIN in the next few months. Opportunity came by that he couldn't pass us.
The main reason for me to stay behind is that we can't make our mortgage payment and pay for a rental house in our new location. We would last about 5 months before we'd lose our house. My husband will stay with a single friend where his new job is (he'll love that) and I will follow at latest March 1, as I am pregnant with my third and can't travel past then.
I think you'll find alot of people in the same boat, especially given the current housing market. We've done moves like this before and are used to it. And when you consider that the first months of a new job often entail working long hours and "getting the lay of the land", it makes no sense to be there alone in a new place while your spouse is working 80 hours + every week.
Hey all. We've done it twice and it kind of stinks but it's a small hurt you get over. The first time was a nine month separation. It sucked for me because I was living alone with three kids, pregnant with the fourth while my house was on the market, constantly being shown and my husband lived in a hotel. He would drive home (4.5 hours) Friday afternoon and leave Sunday afternoon. He rapidly got burned out--to the point where he wanted to leave his job. We bit the bullet and purchased a house in new location and were fortunate to be able to afford the two mortgages (unfortunately it lasted for an additional 18 mos. and was a HUGE drain). Our next relocation was dependent on our house purchase!! We are NEVER going to be stuck with a house for a relo again!! This time was a cross country move and he went three months ahead, got the lay of the land and picked out the house. It worked out fine. We've moved twice since then! This is our fifth move (two months ago) since we've been married and the first time I've gotten to be involved in choosing out house. I'd have to say I'm the happiest this move..but he's done okay with the choosing too!
How many of you have had to leave your spouse/ kids or significant other to move for a job to another state?
How did you deal with it? How long did it take before the other could follow? Anyone want to share their stories?
Although I'm Canadian, I believe the U.S. federal government has the same discriminatory clause that gives priority for transfer to a married employee relocating with a spouse, but gives none to a divorced employee wanting to relocate to where their children live with their other parent, in my case, several thousand miles away.
I've been fighting this discrimination for over three years now, and, of course, in the meantime, my first-born son has grown to be an adult, and his younger brother is not far behind.
I missed out on the last six (and nine) years of their childhood, and I'm naturally very angry and miserable about it. After thirteen years of being their sole-support custodial parent, only to end up with premature "Empty Nest Syndrome" when they were only 10 and 14 is heart-breaking, to say the least.
My hearing is finally coming up at the Canadian Human Rights Tribunal in the New Year, and I'm worried about trying to represent myself legally. All of the lawyers I've spoken to so far are either too greedy, lazy or apathetic to be of any help to me.
I welcome any letters of support and encouragement.
Yours truly,
D. Wells
Ottawa, ON, Canada
([EMAIL="diane_wells@sympatico.ca"]diane_wells@sympatico.ca[/EMAIL])
How many of you have had to leave your spouse/ kids or significant other to move for a job to another state?
How did you deal with it? How long did it take before the other could follow? Anyone want to share their stories?
We've had two lengthy separations due to my husband's deployments to the middle east and are about to embark on one for his new civilian job. It might sound crazy but both of us have more/different anxiety about this than we did about his being in a war zone
We discussed several different scenarios but decided that he will move out to OK and live on his own for 6-8 months while I stay back here. We don't have kids and I'm unemployed right now. Since we know I'll be moving out there within the year, I can't commit to a full time job here so his income will have to cover expenses for both households. That will be a financial strain for both of us and leaves me in a holding pattern until we're together again.
We've discussed communication, visits, finances, and such so we're both on the same page as far as expectations (and understand that we might have to adjust them depending on circumstances). We've also decided to use this time apart to invest in some "personal growth". In some ways that could make it harder to leave here when the time comes, but in others, we hope it will make us that much stronger as a couple.
We are 6 months apart on this relocation. It has been hard, but will be better soon enough! 3 weeks left!!!
We were 6 weeks apart 4 yrs ago, it was difficult as I had 2 small children and we had sold our house and had to find another one so we stayed (the kids and I) with family....not fun with a 3 yo and 18mo old.
We are doing to be okay though! So will you!
Husband moving, will be apart for 5 months after only 9 months married
I am so sad about this...my husband is moving for a new job on Monday. We will be apart for 5 months. Company does not pay for any trips/moving expenses. Air fares from here to there are over $500, so not really an option for us to do. We've only been married for 9 months, so we don't have years of a marriage to rely on for this separation. I need to keep my job here at least until his first 90 days are over, and then since by there will only be 2 months left in the school year, I can't really move my 12 year old until the summertime.
So essentially, we will not see one another from next week until some time in June. Anyone been in a situation like this?
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Ca to Chi
Relocation of Spouse
