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I do miss being near the ocean and family in California. We like the pace of life here in Ga and the fall colors have blown me away. I think we are going to like having "seasons" but...at the end of the day we miss our family and their help and involvement with our children and it would be nice to go down to the beach.
We can buy a gorgeous home here and not be so stressed out about money. It is nice being a stay at home mom.
I feel sad and guilty for trading "family" for this "lifestyle" that I want.
We moved from California to Georgia a few months ago. We are very close to my family and I am second guessing my decision only because I miss my family. If they lived here I would be so happy as I like GA a lot and can see a very nice life for our children. We left southern california because of the cost of living. We wanted to buy a house and I wanted to be a stay at home mom to our young children.That hardly exisits there, both parents work and infants and toddlers are in daycare.
We stuck it out but were not able to find anything we could afford. My husband took a job transfer to Georgia. We can afford to buy a nice house with a yard and I can stay home with the children, We could have a great life here.
I miss my family very much and most importantly feel very badly about my children not having their grandparents in their daily life,holidays etc. I had that growing up and it was nice to have my grandparents and aunt's,uncle's,and cousins around and spending every holiday together.
We will be lucky to visit 1-2 times a year which is not very much.
I am fearful to buy a house now in GA as I see the housing market to continue to decline and wonder if it will go low enough for us to possible move back to Ca and buy a tiny house, I would need to work-part time though. Or do we go forward with our plans and live this great life here in a beautiful spacious house with a yard and slower paced lifestyle. My husband does not want to move back, he is excited about building our life here and the potential we have to not struggle and worry about finances and our future. He is getting annoyed with me for being on the fence and not wanting to buy a house here. I am stalling our happiness or am I ? What is happiness, a great stress-free day to day life? Extended Family??
I am struggling with what is the morally right thing to do? Be with family and share all the moments or make my life here with my own little family and visit the extended family whenever we can.
Thank you.
Make your life with your own family in your new town and visit when you can. Your husband should be annoyed - you moved all the way out there and your still on the fence.
I do miss being near the ocean and family in California. We like the pace of life here in Ga and the fall colors have blown me away. I think we are going to like having "seasons" but...at the end of the day we miss our family and their help and involvement with our children and it would be nice to go down to the beach.
We can buy a gorgeous home here and not be so stressed out about money. It is nice being a stay at home mom.
I feel sad and guilty for trading "family" for this "lifestyle" that I want.
??????
You have the opportunity to raise your children and lead a simple stress free life and your second guessing it. Of course your going to miss your family, it's time to build your own life and build your own memories.
Stop thinking about how things were in the past and focus on your present, accept it and appreciate what you have. Otherwise you may sabotage your very own life.
Not much I can add, but you should always consider your own family first since they'll be around the longest and closest. I have a deadbeat brother and mother in law that I don't care for, but will become a topic of debate if brought up. The guy is 30 years old and always seems to be out of a job and in need of a place to crash all the time (going on 4 years now). I finally got fed up and tried to get a new home 150 miles out to get away, but my wife still has that same moral high ground she's still trying to preach "but he's my brother and he'll die if we don't take care of him. Don't you love me?" argument that comes up over and over. I'm tired of the family first argument when we are barely keeping our heads over water each month just to be a driving distance away.
Everyone needs to take care of their own family first. Why work your butt off, never see your own children, just so you can see your in-laws or sister every weekend here or there? Or would you prefer to live in a nice home, save enough money so you don't border on poverty and visit now and then instead? If the situation is reversed, would your family do the same for theirs as well?
Here is just one more thought, if you continue to struggle with what is "moral" here (vs just plain missing your family of origin, which is not at all a moral issue and I suspect casting this as a "moral" question is actually clouding things for you). For me, personally, a big priority is to ensure that my child will never become financially responsible for us when we are older -- I don't want him to have that additional stressor. So, we need to be in an environment that permits our saving for our future. It probably means relocating, which is why I'm all over these boards figuring things out. My own parents (already a 6-7 hr drive away though we have made sure to see them at least every 6-8 weeks) are urging us to do what is best for our new family, and reassuring me that they'll help us with the move and will visit no matter where we end up, even if we are farther and they can no longer drive and must take a plane. My local MIL -- is guilt-tripping my husband about moving further away. I have an instinct about who will ultimately have the better grandparent relationship with my son already just based on attitude.
It's to to bad to leave your family when they needed you. Your parents have work hard to make you able to stand on your feet and when their children turn comes they left them. Nothing is better then having a good family.
If you both have a good relationship with your families, stay nearby. You're one of the lucky ones to have family.
I've done both, moved close and away. Sadly, away from them is the healthiest choice for myself and my spouse.
This applies to parents, siblings, and kids with grandkids. Hurts, but hurts worse for many of us if we're nearby.
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