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I do miss being near the ocean and family in California. We like the pace of life here in Ga and the fall colors have blown me away. I think we are going to like having "seasons" but...at the end of the day we miss our family and their help and involvement with our children and it would be nice to go down to the beach.
We can buy a gorgeous home here and not be so stressed out about money. It is nice being a stay at home mom.
I feel sad and guilty for trading "family" for this "lifestyle" that I want.
??????
All I can tell you is that the first time moving away from family is the hardest. If your new life lets you live a less stressed life, that's a good thing for you and your children. The rest of the family can always come visit!
I do miss being near the ocean and family in California. We like the pace of life here in Ga and the fall colors have blown me away. I think we are going to like having "seasons" but...at the end of the day we miss our family and their help and involvement with our children and it would be nice to go down to the beach.
We can buy a gorgeous home here and not be so stressed out about money. It is nice being a stay at home mom.
I feel sad and guilty for trading "family" for this "lifestyle" that I want.
??????
To be truthful with you (and I think that everyone would agree); if you can find a way to earn enough money whether by job or business, then you could "afford" any lifestyle ANYWHERE that you wish AND you could be near your family in CA. Life is no different for the rest of us. We all have made or continue to make trade-offs.
If you really want to be able to do what you want, then find a way to earn money yourself and then live your dreams. Otherwise, you're going to have to make due with what your husband earns if you want to be a stay-at-home mom AND have a gorgeous home in GA. Once again, your family is the husband you married and the child/ren you have; that is your first priority. There is always the option that your parents can subsidize your living expenses in CA if they have the financial means to do so.
It all comes down to $$$$. If you have $$$$$, you won't have any more ?????. This applies for each and everyone of us.
OC California, you've started several threads on this, and I have to wonder why. Is it that you're not getting the answer you want to hear on any of them, and you keep starting new ones hoping that somehow the answers will change on a new thread on the same topic?
I don't think that's going to happen. You need to sit down and think about why you're getting pretty much the same answers from everybody no matter what the thread, and then think about WHY you're looking so hard for a different answer. If you're looking for ammunition to make your husband move back (which is what it's beginning to look like), I don't think you're going to get it here. If it's some other reason, you need to find the answer for yourself as to why none of the answers you're getting here are acceptable and why you keep looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear. If it's your family trying to guilt-trip you into moving back home by telling you it's immoral to move away, first, shame on them, really, really, shame on them, and, second, you've got plenty of ammunition here to fight that attempted guilt-tripping with. But you really need to figure out why you're doing this and then you'll have more information to decide how to move forward.
I do miss being near the ocean and family in California. We like the pace of life here in Ga and the fall colors have blown me away. I think we are going to like having "seasons" but...at the end of the day we miss our family and their help and involvement with our children and it would be nice to go down to the beach.
We can buy a gorgeous home here and not be so stressed out about money. It is nice being a stay at home mom.
I feel sad and guilty for trading "family" for this "lifestyle" that I want.
??????
I understand your point completely. If it were not for family I would spend most of my time in Florida. Personally my favorite state for living.
What the posters seem to not understand is that for many of us extended family is what makes us feel whole. Its the interconnections of going to the children's ball games, soccer games, Christmas pagents........
I have answered many last minute requests to help with a baby who is sick. To please attend a chorus production that little "johnny" is asking you to go to. Spending time playing board games, going to festivals, going out on the boat and swimming in the coves.
If I was far away.........I'd lose that tight family tie. I don't want to......
Maybe the poster needs a "smaller" home, close to family. She might need those family ties more often then in a plane ride a few times a year.
Maybe she needs to give up the high style, the bigger home......and have something less grand, in a place that she loves.
Even a location out if the expensive loop might serve her well.
I didn't read the other postings. Going by this post alone, I understand.....
I would personally tell her, a smaller home.....off the beaten path...but not all that far from family. Its a big world out there, sometimes were more at peace living near those we love and connect with......rather then in some state thats unknown to us. Lacking the comfort of having those we love around us. Your family and your husband should understand......
Why live your life without the connections you adore. Best of Luck
I love Summering's post because what it illustrates is that decision-making is easier if you are very clear about your values and priorities. If being near family is very, very important to you, you will likely have to sacrifice something for that proximity. (I have a very small family...I wish I had a larger one that had family members like Summering in it!)
My family moved to Texas to be near dear friends who are like family to us. Are there things about Texas that are a sacrifice for us? Definitely! Is it worth it? Absolutely!
Like I said earlier, it is only when you try to have it all that you end up feeling tortured about your choices.
I do miss being near the ocean and family in California. We like the pace of life here in Ga and the fall colors have blown me away. I think we are going to like having "seasons" but...at the end of the day we miss our family and their help and involvement with our children and it would be nice to go down to the beach.
We can buy a gorgeous home here and not be so stressed out about money. It is nice being a stay at home mom.
I feel sad and guilty for trading "family" for this "lifestyle" that I want.
??????
OC California,
I completely understand what you are feeling! For 20 years I moved around the country with my husband, loved all the places we lived, made awesome friends that we consider "family" but I always carried in my heart some homesickness for my family and home state. An excellent job opportunity for my husband brought me back close to "home". The downside being we moved to a very expensive area, bought a fixer upper but have no money left after paying bills, taxes, mortgage etc. to fix up the way I would like. I stay home for now, my kids are my priority more than any "thing" could be and my husband's salary covers the basics. We drive old cars and forgo most "luxuries". For me, the financial trade-off is so worth having my kids develop a close relationship with their grandma, cousins, extended family. My family's personal decision was that family was more important to us than having a new, big house which we gave up - our family motto is "the most important things in life aren't things". Only you can determine what is best for your family - and these are turbulent times - probably going to get worse. Also, remember that nothing is forever and maybe you too, will be able to get back closer to home or maybe your new state will finally be home! Hang in there!
If only the OP had checked out the Inland Empire for herself and not believed a bunch of bogus hearsay information from people who had no clue what it was like here with regard to the air quality here, she could have lived in a nice area in a decent sized home and maybe still been able to be a stay at home mom. I don't believe she even bothered to drive out here and check it out. The whole IE doesn't have bad air quality and ghetto 'hoods. Now she's complaining about her sorry life. I don't feel pity for her at all. She made her choice and now she just has to make the best of it. If she doesn't get with the program and make the best of it, she may not only be living in a place she regrets moving to, she may have a divorce on her hands as well.
Well we all make mistakes. Many people move to areas they find they dislike. If being close to family she loves......and if being in an area she has felt comfortable with means " full happiness" for her.....
Then giving up the bigger house, the bigger paychecks, could be worth the move back.
We should all try to live in a heartwarming place. Dump the lofty ideas of grandeur.
Find peace in a simpler life, around those we love the most..........life is surely short.
Best of luck to her.......
Well we all make mistakes. Many people move to areas they find they dislike.
Oh, my goodness, yes! My family moved TWICE to places that turned out to be a mistake for us. Hindsight is 20/20. We were persistent and we worked hard to move again and we finally found our happy place. For us the key was to finally determine what was MOST important to us. I wish we could have figured that out somehow without all the expensive experiments but sometimes you just have to live through something to really know how it will feel.
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