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My family (me, husband, 14yo son) have decided to move from Ohio to Colorado next year before my son enters high school. We have been waiting for this moment for a lot of years... a) I had to prepare my business for my absence by building a leadership team, and b) we wanted to wait until our son was older so that the grandparents have had their time with him when he was young. There is not a specific opportunity for us out there, just a calling to head to the mountains. (We are in our mid-40s.)
Most of our family has had negative reactions. Most of those reactions have been surprisingly self-centric (Why are you leaving me? What am I going to do? I'm not coming to visit you so send me your visit schedule. You (aka our family) are being selfish.) I know it will take them a little while to come to accept our decision, while we have been putting pieces in place for years. And by the way, nearly all of my family has lived somewhere else, but we never have due to life circumstances.
My husband's sister is taking it the hardest and is conveying her anger to others in our family. (She is also the one who keeps calling us selfish and she cries every time we see her now. The guilt-trips are non-stop.) We have not told our friends that we are moving yet (it is a year away) but she is threatening to turn all of our [common] friends against us. I don't know if she thinks this ploy will force us to stay (really?!?) or what.
How do I have a rational conversation to help her see that this is a decision we made for our family? That displaying her anger to us, our family and our friends is only going to make things harder for everyone?
Or, do I just let her do her thing and people can make their own judgments?
Has anyone had an experience like this? It is making a tough decision and a lot of complex work even more complicated. Any experiences to share would be helpful!
Are they mad because you chose Colorado as the place to move to? My family hasn't had luck with our move to Colorado. I now see why my family "back home" in my previous place were against the move. We would have been better off remaining there.
Let her do her venting. Let her try to turn all your friends against you. If they are true friends, they will not disown you just because you've made an informed decision about your family and your life.
Although of course over time, some friendships may naturally dwindle.
Eventually people will tire of hearing your sister's complaints, or at least realize they are fruitless, and will focus on something else.
I consider your husband's sister mentally ill. This joined-at-the-hip dogma is sick, in my opinion. Please don't let her get to you. I would tell her that she has already expressed her opinion so it's time to give it a rest.
Most of our family has had negative reactions. Most of those reactions have been surprisingly self-centric (Why are you leaving me? What am I going to do? I'm not coming to visit you so send me your visit schedule. You (aka our family) are being selfish.)
Generally, people only think of themselves and their own convenience. Sometimes they have unhealthy attachments and take the move personally. I was surprised to see how hard a friend took it when his neighbor moved (coincidentally) to Colorado. He seemed to think it was the end of the earth -- or maybe you could just see it from there. In seventeen years he never went to visit.
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My husband's sister is taking it the hardest and is conveying her anger to others in our family. (She is also the one who keeps calling us selfish and she cries every time we see her now. The guilt-trips are non-stop.) We have not told our friends that we are moving yet (it is a year away) but she is threatening to turn all of our [common] friends against us. I don't know if she thinks this ploy will force us to stay (really?!?) or what.
Has your SIL always been a drama queen and hysteric?
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How do I have a rational conversation to help her see that this is a decision we made for our family? That displaying her anger to us, our family and our friends is only going to make things harder for everyone?
I don't think you can. I don't think anyone could. I would tell her that if she calls me selfish one more time we're done. If you can't be supportive, be gone.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Is your son completely on board and informed about this decision? It seems you've kind of picked a hard time - in his life - to move. Does Ohio still have automatic admission to Ohio universities for Ohio high school graduates? What about Colorado? How does that change his college admission status?
Does your son have specific skills that make him immediately have a social network - is he good a particular sport, or in band?
Yup - experienced the guilt when I moved to Nevada from NJ last year. There was a similar thread last month where I shared the details of my experience. The OP in that thread was also contemplating a move to CO: //www.city-data.com/forum/gener...g-parents.html
Last edited by Cubicle Dweller; 09-26-2017 at 09:16 PM..
"I can see you're unhappy about this and I can understand that. But, we're not going to put up with your over-the-top angry behavior. When you want to discuss things calmly, we'll be ready. But, we are going to be doing this move, as we've decided it's the best for our family. I do hope you wish us the best and we look forward to you visiting us (if that's true LOL)."
Rinse repeat. And if you get sick of any phone calls or texts, just don't pick up or respond.
I can't understand this supposed attachment.. I have had friends and family move and I have moved and everyone has been fine with it.....
I personally would tell your SIL, to either **** or get on board....
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