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Okay, let me start by saying we are in West MI. We've (wife and I) have lived here for all but 4 years and we're going on 40. Things are terrible here and last winter I said I've had enough and we need to leave. Of course now the bad economy has since spread all over, but it remains worse here. We despise winters here (100+ inches of snow and sometimes weeks w/o sun). We fell in love with the south living in southern VA, but due to financial and family reasons we had to return to MI. It was one of the worse times of my life.
Fast forward to now, we have a 13, 11 and 7 year old. My job is going nowhere (actually was working 3 jobs last year, but one no longer needs me). Along with numberous other businesses in the area, we might be closed down though it's sorta doubtful. As a mechanic, most of my wages are off commision, and since we have double-digit unemployment, commision is very low nowadays. Now my wife's job, she works as an RN 2 days a week, is fine. She is one of the very few people in these parts who still gets raises. However, we are getting to the point of living paycheck to paycheck, something we left VA in part because of.
I have a chance to transfer to a succesful shop in TN, FL or NC which is like a dream come true. Everyone seemed fine with it, except the in-laws who are putting up a huge fuss (just like when we left for VA). This past fall, my 13 year old daughter turned 180 and now begs us not to move. Now, my 11 daughter has joined her and tells us she prays (literally) that we stay here. Even my wife has began with the doubts! I can't believe this. I am at a loss. The mere thought of staying here makes me extremely depressed.
I have spent 1 full year researching several cities that were in contention, and now I'm looking at 3 females (and the in-laws) who have changed their mind. I know my oldest daughter has a very demanding, spoiled personality and cries "unfair" and goes into a rage whenever she doesn't get what she wants, and I'm wondering if this is coming into play.
What do I do? Ride the storm out? My wife says when the girls graduate HS, we can leave (though why should I even trust that?). Try and go through with the move (if we can even sell our house) and the kids will eventually be fine? When this all began, I said if we can't sell our house this year, I look at that as God telling us to stay put. Now we may not even do this.
I miss the south's weather, the people, the food, the churches, the conservative feel and the feeling of independence (the in-laws are always in the picture here, which gets tiring). Give me some advice CD.
TNKY - I think that you should have a serious talk with your wife about how you feel, and try to get together on the same page. It appears that it really isn't an issue over money, because your wife is an RN. This being said, it appears that it is more about the environment (Michigan as a whole) and the weather, which I can understand, causes so much unhappiness. You are seriously over-voted by the rest of the family (forget the in-laws at this point). If it isn't a matter of financial ruin, then it really is more about how you feel about being there. I moved my family south to the Carolinas from the northeast, but I had the full support of my husband, who had to close his business up north to come down. Teenage daughters are a royal pain when it comes to leaving their friends (been there), and as much as they think life is over when they move, time shows that they make new friends where you move, and eventually, forget the old friends they left behind. Having moved across many miles twice, with the first leaving my parents behind, and away from their only grandkids, twisted me up so much; however, it was a matter of survival for us. Thankfully, they understood and never got in the way, despite the torrent of tears! I think your wife is afraid that you would move only to suffer a financial setback when you don't have one right now. Maybe if you had only 2 instead of the 3 jobs you have, you would have a little more time to relax and accept your environment. Insisting on your way IMO will just add another element of stress and could cause even more of a rift with your spouse.
I wish you well. Unless you can find a job where you are moving that will assure your wife that you will at least maintain the same standards of living as you currently have, unfortunately, I think it's a losing proposition.
I don't have any kids or experience with situations, so take this with a grain of salt. I think this decision is just between you and your wife. Of course your kids will have an opinion and you should talk to them about it, but they're teenagers. They don't know what they want. If you do move, they'll probably be fine.
Your in-laws shouldn't have any say in this, and I think it's pretty rude that they are saying anything to you and your wife about it.
I have been in your shoes. Well without the kids anyway. My wife and I lived in Louisiana 10 years ago and jobs were few and far between. We too lived paycheck to paycheck. I wanted to leave but she wanted to stay because most of her family was there. In the end we decided to leave to make a better life for ourselves. It was by far the best decision would could have made! We ended up both finding much better jobs and being able to save for our futures. That was 10 years ago!
Now, at the end of 2008 we decided to move to Dallas, TX because the cost of living was so low here and the cost of living was so high in MD. We have been here since December and we LOVE it!
It can be very hard to move away, especially from family/in-laws but when it really comes down to it, its about you and YOUR family. Not the extended family/ in-laws. They can always come to visit you and you can always go to visit them. It works.. trust me.
My advice for you would be to move as soon as you can! You are the leader of your family and you have to make sure YOU put them in the best possible position to succeed in life. Your kids are just kids... one of them might want to stay because she found a boy she really likes in school etc. Kids change their minds from day to day.
You really should consider Dallas TX area. Why? Like TN, Fl, & NC... the cost of living is low. The difference? More jobs! A lot more jobs. So you can find an affordable house and find a good job. You get the best of both worlds... unlike what you are going to find in TN, FL, or NC. I had friends that moved to NC for the low cost of living 2 years ago. The have since moved because they couldnt find jobs!
If you need any advice you can email me at aoliver@targetdist.com. I've been through 2 big moves and I can also tell you a lot about this area I live in now.
My family is in the same boat. I feel that if you wait till the kids are out of school then they will start a life in the town you live in. They may go to college but most return back home to friends and familiar communities where they have ties to. Some may relocate to there college town but that is always a fear parents have. If you move to a state that offers good college and an area that a young person can find work once of of school chances are its all good for everyone.
Friends of ours finally moved to there dream home in Vermont and to there surprise their 20 year old son chose to live in NJ because that is were his friends and work are. They are very crushed and wished they did the move 10 years ago.
The inlaws need to stay out of it. I'm an in-law, and I would never put the guilt trip on my kids to stay close to us. One of mine is living in Germany right now (military) with my 2 baby grandchildren. I miss them so much, but what an experience for them. My husband wanted to move out of Ca when we were a young, married couple. I didn't want to, and wish now I would've been more opened minded. Talk to your wife, do the pros & cons thing. Your happiness is worth something too. Kids are resilient, they'll adjust. Good luck. What an adventure!
Thanks to you all. I tend to agree with what's been said here. My in-laws need to understand my wife and I are trying to better our lives, not "escape" from them. They, of course, think we're nuts and self-centered and blah blah. This town is dying and they love it here so they can't see it from our point of view (plus they love this 100+ inches of snow a year stuff). They have a lot of money and aren't stressed about losing their job like we are. I have 2 chances to transfer this summer to shops that are doing far more business than here with no chance of closing down. If our house sells, we're gone. My wife has agreed. The kids are still rolling their eyes, but will have no choice but to come around if it happens. Thanks and reps to all of you!
Thanks to you all. I tend to agree with what's been said here. My in-laws need to understand my wife and I are trying to better our lives, not "escape" from them. They, of course, think we're nuts and self-centered and blah blah. This town is dying and they love it here so they can't see it from our point of view (plus they love this 100+ inches of snow a year stuff). They have a lot of money and aren't stressed about losing their job like we are. I have 2 chances to transfer this summer to shops that are doing far more business than here with no chance of closing down. If our house sells, we're gone. My wife has agreed. The kids are still rolling their eyes, but will have no choice but to come around if it happens. Thanks and reps to all of you!
Best of luck to you! Could you do me a big favor? When you eventually move, please post back here after you get settled and let us know how you are doing. I'd be curious to hear too about the girls and how they feel about their new locale...give it oh...6 months and watch the difference!
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I think your wife is afraid that you would move only to suffer a financial setback when you don't have one right now. Maybe if you had only 2 instead of the 3 jobs you have, you would have a little more time to relax and accept your environment. Insisting on your way IMO will just add another element of stress and could cause even more of a rift with your spouse.
