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I have moved areas 6 times in my life--more than I wish--and I have found that on average, it takes me 2 full years to adjust and actually get happy. (This means, that I have wasted 12 perfectly good years missing something I left behind!)
Anyway, here I am in year 1 of a move and really hating it! Of all my moves, this one has been the absolute hardest. I can't figure out if my angst is related to moving-AGAIN--or if it's related to this place. I intend to stick it out at least one more year to ensure that this is not a very bad case of "one-year-itis"---which is what I call the phenomenon that happens to me when I first move.
So it got me curious--how long does it take you to adjust when you have moved?
For me, the pattern has been like this: first 6 months, honeymoon, OH everything is so new and shiny, and yet to be discoverd. Second six months usually include a hard crash and a sturdy: "OH NO, WTF have I done and when I can go home?"
Second year evolves into "OK, I guess I live here, I have some friends but I miss my "real" friends" and by the end of the second year, I usually start genuinely adjusting.
My period of adjustment for moves or anything stressful/angsty is usually front-loaded. The anticipation and not-knowing can be difficult. Once the move or the dreaded event has happened, I tend to be very resilient and adapt quickly to the new situation. For relocating specifically, I'd say I had adjusted practically and emotionally within a month or two. Setting expectations (that can be met) and feeling like I have some control over the situation once I'm in it are helpful for me.
With my first move, i tried to like it to no avail. With this move, i had anxiety about it on the drive here, even though i knew this is where we wanted to be. We got here, and i have loved it from day one, and its been almost 6 months.
I am now living in my 5th home... we have moved every 2 1/2 years for the last 10 years or so..
It is EXHAUSTING at this point in my life.
I am now living in an area that well it is nice,I feel as though it is just a normal,nothing spectacular suburb. I love living near conveniences but I moved from a beautiful,small town near the Chesapeake Bay.. I love being by the water and have to say,I could have lived there forever.
My husband's job has been the force behind our moves.
It is his career and with each move comes new ,more responsibility,a little more money and this time around,my husband is THRILLED with his commute! he has gone from commuting almost an hour and a half every day to a 20 minute commute. Great for him.
Not so great for me.
We have been here for 6 months now and I although I think I am adjusted to the area,the conveniences,emotionally,I have not adjusted.
I don't have the energy any longer to put into trying to meet new people ,as I have gotten older,I find it harder to do.
I know that after about a year or so,I will start to feel more comfortable,but there are other factors I think getting in the way with this move that are in some way,preventing me from feeling more comfortable.
The largest factor is that the house we moved from,we built,had everything we wanted and it is still sitting on the market.. we decided that because our house hasn't sold yet,we would rent.
Although the home we are renting is beautiful,it is in a beautiful ,well sought after neighborhood,it is hard at my age to feel at home,when renting... knowing that my beautiful home that has my beautiful kitchen,is just sitting there,waiting for someone else to buy it,makes me.. well... sick .
It is just a house,but it was the house that I thought we would be in for a very ,very long time...
Oh well!
For me, it has depended entirely on where I've moved to and what kind of fit I have with the area.
My spouse and I grew up in the Midwest, and we moved, for economic reasons, to a different state in 1981. During the 18 years we lived there, both our children were born, we bought our first house, I had my first professional work experience, and we made a few friends - but I never, ever reached the point of feeling comfortable or happy there. It was a region where most people had lived for generations, and it was made crystal clear to newcomers that they were outsiders, different, and not really welcome. I really tried hard for nearly two decades to assimilate, and in 1999, I still felt just as alien in the area as I ever had.
In contrast, when we returned to the Midwest in 1999, literally within weeks, I felt at home. The fit was right here, in a way that it never, ever was in the other state where we lived. And ten years later, that fit, that sense of being home and where I belong, has never faded.
I feel incredibly fortunate that we have not been forced to move frequently for professional or other reasons; I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have to uproot one's life every couple of years and try to resettle in a different area. I am very, very grateful that now we've found the place for us, there's no reason why we can't stay here for the rest of our lives. Because that's exactly what we plan to do.
Thanks for the answers..... I too have a hubby whose job relocates us.... This last one--we moved back "home"--a place I never liked (NY metro area). In some ways, it has been unexpectedly NICE to be back here but in other ways, I am really angry and sad to have left our place..... I feel for NYMD about your house--we moved to the NY metro area and left behind a much larger, nicer home ...that cost less.... But if I am honest, I think the house issue is symptomatic of just getting adjusted somewhere new and being unsettled.......The house is nice enough--it's the lack of good solid friends or knowledge about what to do that is hardest....
Thanks for the opinions. We have to decide within the year if we are going to try and stick this one out long term or relocate one final time. Our kids are little so this merrygoround of moves around the country needs to stop within the next 2 years and I am trying to make an informed decision. I am hating it here so much it's hard for me to be impartial, KWIM?
KikiMonster I am so sorry moving is so hard for you. Good luck to you.
I am probably an odd ball but that is the story of my life. I love change. I love different houses, new areas, and moving. It is like an adventure to me. No matter where DH and I end up I can make it home within a week. We are very adaptable. That is one of the reasons we lived and traveled in a motorhome for 3 1/2 years, lol.
Thanks for the answers..... I too have a hubby whose job relocates us.... This last one--we moved back "home"--a place I never liked (NY metro area). In some ways, it has been unexpectedly NICE to be back here but in other ways, I am really angry and sad to have left our place..... I feel for NYMD about your house--we moved to the NY metro area and left behind a much larger, nicer home ...that cost less.... But if I am honest, I think the house issue is symptomatic of just getting adjusted somewhere new and being unsettled.......The house is nice enough--it's the lack of good solid friends or knowledge about what to do that is hardest....
Thanks for the opinions. We have to decide within the year if we are going to try and stick this one out long term or relocate one final time. Our kids are little so this merrygoround of moves around the country needs to stop within the next 2 years and I am trying to make an informed decision. I am hating it here so much it's hard for me to be impartial, KWIM?
Thanks!
Monster
HI,
I agree... the house is probably symptomatic. I too am feeling the loss of a solid base of friends and support.
I kind of now ,unfortunately,have gone into this most recent move with the attitude of "well,we will be moving again in 2 years so why should I try?" and although that isn't the right positive attitude I should take,it is the one I have right now..
Hopefully that will all change and I do see that for my husband and for my children,the area we are in is a good fit for them...
I have moved areas 6 times in my life--more than I wish--and I have found that on average, it takes me 2 full years to adjust and actually get happy. (This means, that I have wasted 12 perfectly good years missing something I left behind!)
Anyway, here I am in year 1 of a move and really hating it! Of all my moves, this one has been the absolute hardest. I can't figure out if my angst is related to moving-AGAIN--or if it's related to this place. I intend to stick it out at least one more year to ensure that this is not a very bad case of "one-year-itis"---which is what I call the phenomenon that happens to me when I first move.
So it got me curious--how long does it take you to adjust when you have moved?
For me, the pattern has been like this: first 6 months, honeymoon, OH everything is so new and shiny, and yet to be discoverd. Second six months usually include a hard crash and a sturdy: "OH NO, WTF have I done and when I can go home?"
Second year evolves into "OK, I guess I live here, I have some friends but I miss my "real" friends" and by the end of the second year, I usually start genuinely adjusting.
SO, how about you?
Monster
Moving is, in many ways, a lot like going through the process of grief. Grief is about change and loss. Moving, also, is about change and loss (of where you used to live, and everything about that place).
After living in Minnesota for nearly 20 years, my wife & I have lived in Omaha for 3. The transition - though very good and something we looked forward to - was difficult. Everything about our daily routines was thrown out of whack. But we're now loving it here more than ever.
I'd say that adjusting to a move takes at least 2 years - maybe more if there are kids involved.
I have moved areas 6 times in my life--more than I wish--and I have found that on average, it takes me 2 full years to adjust and actually get happy. (This means, that I have wasted 12 perfectly good years missing something I left behind!)
Anyway, here I am in year 1 of a move and really hating it! Of all my moves, this one has been the absolute hardest. I can't figure out if my angst is related to moving-AGAIN--or if it's related to this place. I intend to stick it out at least one more year to ensure that this is not a very bad case of "one-year-itis"---which is what I call the phenomenon that happens to me when I first move.
So it got me curious--how long does it take you to adjust when you have moved?
For me, the pattern has been like this: first 6 months, honeymoon, OH everything is so new and shiny, and yet to be discoverd. Second six months usually include a hard crash and a sturdy: "OH NO, WTF have I done and when I can go home?"
Second year evolves into "OK, I guess I live here, I have some friends but I miss my "real" friends" and by the end of the second year, I usually start genuinely adjusting.
SO, how about you?
Monster
it depends... I've lived on the east coast, the west coast, the south, the deep-south, and the midwest... in the first 4, there was always something (or many things) which I liked & appreciated about each, & "the people" were at the top of the list, & it never took me very long at all to gain that positive viewpoint- sometimes almost instantly, sometimes a couple of months...
the midwest, however, I've found to be completely intolerable- both the lifestyle and the people, & I've been here for 7 years...
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we decided that because our house hasn't sold yet,we would rent.
