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(this kinda came up when I was posting to someone else's thread but didn't want to risk it going off-course from their original topic, so am starting a new one):
I'd like to know what people think of this, either from your own experiences or your opinions:
I've lived in various parts of the east coast, the west coast, the south, the deep-south, & the midwest...
despite the fact that there were more differences than similarities between my home locale and most of the places I moved to, I got along well with the people in those areas, they liked me, and it was a generally positive experience...
however, this area has been a different experience entirely: I encountered hostility, disdain, & resentment, as soon as I arrived here, and, seven years later am still coping with it... it's like people have "a chip on their shoulder and an axe to grind"... I've never encountered any of this anywhere else...
so I was wondering- since I've never had any trouble fitting in, making friends, etc., in places all over the U.S. as varied (if that's the correct word) as little rural farming communities, upscale metropolitan areas, middle-class locales, "inner-city" areas, etc., and have only had this difficulty HERE, hopefully some of the CD folks here have some input on this?
I understand what you're saying ... in the last place I lived, not only was I on a different page than my fellow residents, I was in a totally different book. In the locale prior to that, the people were incredibly friendly but quite clique-ish since it was a rather small town in which residents and their ancestors had lived there forever. However, eventually I was able to find a niche to fit into. Some people, like you it appears, have the ability to be a chameleon and to usually fit in. But I think there are locations in which even the most talented chameleon just can't find the way.
I understand what you're saying ... in the last place I lived, not only was I on a different page than my fellow residents, I was in a totally different book. In the locale prior to that, the people were incredibly friendly but quite clique-ish since it was a rather small town in which residents and their ancestors had lived there forever. However, eventually I was able to find a niche to fit into. Some people, like you it appears, have the ability to be a chameleon and to usually fit in. But I think there are locations in which even the most talented chameleon just can't find the way.
thank you... I'm glad to see someone understands this...
if you're the person who wanted to know: "here" is Des Moines, Iowa
We moved to the same area many years ago.
Had the same problems.
Never adjusted to the Midwest no matter how hard we tried.
And, boy - did we try!! Year after year.....bashing our heads against the wall....
We thought it was just Iowa, so we moved to Minnesota for awhile.
Liked Minnesota more, but it still wasn't home to us.
Tried Iowa again. Still didn't work.
Wrong culture for us!
Didn't fit in. Didn't like it. Didn't understand it.
Sold the houses we bought there, and moved to the Southwest.
We felt accepted and happy the first day we arrived.
Took three days to feel completely at home here in New Mexico.
Yes, three days!
Been here on our fourth year and we are happy as clams.
No complaints yet! We live amongst the friendliest people on earth.
So, no - it's not "you."
Different parts of the U.S. have different cultures.
You either like it or not.
You either adjust and bloom and grow, or do not adjust and wilt and wither away.
And if you feel this way after seven years, it will never get better.
It is not "you."
You are living in the wrong place for you.
Can you move somewhere else?
We lost some money when we moved across country again.
But, made up for it in happiness and peace of mind!
We are the most thankful people in the world to be living in New Mexico!
I will never take the Southwest for granted and we are so happy to be "home."
(Note - we are not "from" here and had never been here in N.M. before we moved.
We researched it online, looked at houses online, and sold everything, packed up and took a big chance!
Figured if we didn't like it here, we'd try Arizona or go to California.)
No matter what happened, we were thrilled to be able to restart and rekindle our lives again.
Only wish we had done it much, much, much sooner!
We will never regain the years we lost, though.
But, each day is a fresh new start for us and we are soooo happy to be here living in a culture we understand and embrace.
I encountered hostility, disdain, & resentment, as soon as I arrived here, and, seven years later am still coping with it... it's like people have "a chip on their shoulder and an axe to grind"... I've never encountered any of this anywhere else...
After seven years of this nonsense, I think it's time to leave. Life is too short to be around such miserable people and you don't need to prove anything to anyone except yourself. Find someplace where you feel welcome and comfortable. You've experience places like this before and there is more ahead. Happy hunting!
Tia 914,
Many years ago I was stationed in NC and I loved it. The people were friendly and accepted me as though I lived there all my life. However, I did take some kidding because I was a yankee. After I retired I got my chance to return to NC and found the exact opposite. I felt like I had moved to the moon. I stuck it out for a few years before moving on. I have seen this attitude much throughout the south. It isn't everybody but in areas were most of the people are locals I have found the most severe non-acceptance. Those folks I have met who make it work are those willing to join a local church. I met a cable installer in NC who was from CA and married a local gal. I asked him how he was getting along with everybody and he said they all hate him, but he was happy with his wife and kids and that was just fine with him. While shopping for a home in development in NC I asked a woman how she like living there. She said, "it's really nice here, everybody goes to church and keeps to themselves." (Somehow I don't think that was the message Jesus was trying to convey). I know a couple who moved to Lenoir NC from IN and hated it so much they sold their house at a loss and moved back to IN. They told me they will never come south again. The one area that seems to be different is NE TN. People there are very friendly and accepting of others. This is the only place I have lived in the south that someone didn't call me a yankee. I am just trying to say you are not alone and I am sure you will find a place you like if you keep looking.
It's awful to feel you don't "belong" where you live. I lived in Florida for 4 years, a small central Florida town. I got out when I could. The mindset for me personally was suffocating. I felt I was living an Andy Griffith re-run every day. That was okay for the 50's, but I didn't wanna live it at 30 something.
Phoenix is very accepting of everyone, although it has its' own set of problems. Mainly the transient feeling of things--lack of community in general, but it's very tolerant and open out here.
Where in New Mexico do you live? Can you give me some general info. on the area: weather, jobs, population?
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