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I moved to the easy bay 9 months ago from Europe and find it very difficult to make the kind of friends I did back home, maybe its me but Americans seem very insular - its easy to make a lot of acquaintances, but not friends.
Everyone appears to have a dog which I'm starting to think they use as a replacement for human contact.
Even in the rugby club I've joined, everyone turns up, is friendly, shoots the breeze about superficial topics but quick departs once training is over - no going for a beer.
As I said, maybe its just me :-)
What do you think?
Is it possible your rugby team acquaintences have personal situations such as wives and kids they have to go home to dinner with? It may have less to do with their wanting to shut you out than that they're being pullled in other directions. I have noticed that after-work socializing has declined significantly from what it was 20 years ago. Companies aren't really encouraging it and people live all over the place and have long commutes that make it less than conducive to hang around in the evenings. People in relationships nowadays don't generally leave their partners at home to go out to bars with their guy and gal pals like they used to. I suspect what you're seeing is really more the result of generational changes in the relationship between work to homelife, rather than anything endemic to traditional American culture.
Also, Americans are picky, picky, picky. I don't know how it is in other countries, but here, if you want someone to hang out with you, it has to be just the right day at just the right time at just the right place. I think because Americans are so used to having so many choices consumer-wise, they think they should be able to handcraft get togethers and have the moment specifically tailored to them. If it's not exactly when and where they want, they won't go. The only exception is birthdays. Your bday is the one time people will put up with not having a say in plans.
This is so very true. As a culture we are highly particular about relaxing as "oxymoronic" as that sounds.
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