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I do run in situations where my manners are not welcome for instance I was at cover dish dinner with a mix of southerners and transplants.
A lady ask me a question on something regarding the food and I said No ma'am and she got offended. She says "Im not much older than you." When I said no ma'am I did not even had to chance to look at her just answering in respectful jesture.
I simply replied Im sorry for my southern respect.
I never would have thought that saying Yes Sir and No Ma'am was a regional thing.
Maybe people from other regions do have manners or did not grow up reading Emily Post
Or Stand Up, Shake Hands, Say "How Do You Do"
I'm a young person and I get said "yes sir" to when ordering at a restaurant. That lady shouldn't have been have gotten so offended.
I think saying ma'am/sir is somewhat but not completely a regional thing. I heard it up in Chicago a little bit.
Last edited by guestposter24; 08-15-2008 at 02:58 PM..
Why would anyone get offended about being called "sir" or "ma'am????" I think you'd have to be a pretty sad and insecure person. Shocked or taken aback or surprised or ambivalent? Fine. But offended???? I thought Northerners were supposed to be hard and tough?
From a transplant's standpoint, I have to say this: This isn't Dayton or Chicago. The culture is decidedly different, placing a great deal more emphasis on the subtleties of interaction and mutual respect. I think where northerners screw up when they come down here, is by thinking that they can talk to a cashier or a next door neighbor or anybody else just the way they did back in Buffalo or whatever other burg they called home. After all, you would respect the cultural mores of some Arab country if you went there. The same is true if you travelled to China or Japan. After all, in Japan, nobody tell you 'No,' directly. They say, 'Maybe.' The South seems to have similar values in that regard. However, anybody with decent social skills can adapt and understand precisely what a Southerner is really saying.
Here's what happened....I went to the grocery, got in line, no words were exchanged at this point, & the cashier asked to see my drivers license. The moment she saw it was an Ohio license she said, "Oh! So you're a damn yankee *****! Are you down here to steal jobs?" The bagboy asked to see my license & she handed it to him! Then he said, "Yeah, don't you just hate those yankees?" I was apolled!(sp?) The manager, who heard everything, just strolled by & glared at me. After a short conversation with the manager the cashier & bagboy were fired on the spot. I'm a very well manered person but people like that deserve what they get (& they weren't the 1st or last to get nasty with me or my husband).
Here's what happened....I went to the grocery, got in line, no words were exchanged at this point, & the cashier asked to see my drivers license. The moment she saw it was an Ohio license she said, "Oh! So you're a damn yankee *****! Are you down here to steal jobs?" The bagboy asked to see my license & she handed it to him! Then he said, "Yeah, don't you just hate those yankees?" I was apolled!(sp?) The manager, who heard everything, just strolled by & glared at me. After a short conversation with the manager the cashier & bagboy were fired on the spot. I'm a very well manered person but people like that deserve what they get (& they weren't the 1st or last to get nasty with me or my husband).
Why do think that is? My ex-manager was a biker woman from the Philly area and she mentioned having a similar thing happen when she stopped in VA. I moved to VA from NJ for a few years and didn't even have anything like that, matter of fact we got along great. Perhaps they can sense something.
So I take it this happened in southern Ohio? Doesn't quite sound like it'd be the first place one would think of,but since it is near Kentucky maybe. Although I've never known Kentucky to sound so deep south like that...West Virginia maybe
Why do think that is? My ex-manager was a biker woman from the Philly area and she mentioned having a similar thing happen when she stopped in VA. I moved to VA from NJ for a few years and didn't even have anything like that, matter of fact we got along great. Perhaps they can sense something.
So I take it this happened in southern Ohio? Doesn't quite sound like it'd be the first place one would think of,but since it is near Kentucky maybe. Although I've never known Kentucky to sound so deep south like that...West Virginia maybe
She was referencing South Carolina(which is Deep South) from an earlier post.
This is completely ridiculous. I, for one, was raised to just respect people period. That's supposed to be a given. It's not disrespectful to call someone older than you by their name or to leave out all the ma'ams and sirs as long as you are BEING respectful. Saying these things without actually intending the respect is just being fake. It's about your intentions and your attitude and not just the things that you say. The two are not congruous.
I grew up in MI, have lived in Los Angeles and now in Houston, TX, so I am finding this thread very interesting. However, I must respectfully disagree with backdrifter. As a youngster in MI, I would NEVER have called an adult by their first name until they told me it was ok. I didn't call my parents' friends by their first names until I was in high school, and I had known these people all my life. So whether it's "sir or ma'am" in the south, or "Mr or Mrs" in the north, there still is a sign of respect that young people should show those older than themselves.
And I must throw this in for giggles.....my 9 year old daughter has grown up in TX, but I'm from MI. I say "you guys"...Texans say "y'all". So, in her confusion, my daughter just says "Y'all guys"....Maybe it's really that simple...blending the best of all of us.
Why would anyone get offended about being called "sir" or "ma'am????" I think you'd have to be a pretty sad and insecure person. Shocked or taken aback or surprised or ambivalent? Fine. But offended???? I thought Northerners were supposed to be hard and tough?
Some younger women feel like being called Ma'am makes them seem old. In fact, I remember the first time someone said that to me (in KY. where that wasn't really done). I think it was a taxi driver. I was about 22 and I didn't like it at all! Now I think it's great. It's all what you are used to.
You learn something new everyday. I had no idea addressing a woman you don't know as ma'am outside the south was considered inappropriate and no I am not from the south. I grew up in Kansas and have lived on west coast many years now. Maybe this is mostly a northeast thing as opposed to a generally northern thing. I don't say ma'am this and ma'am that, but if I need to get a woman's attention or if I have done something where I should say excuse me, I do sometimes address a woman as ma'am. I don't recall ever getting a negative reaction to that. The other day I did have a teenager address me as "dude". I about blew a gasket.
BTW, if you don't like being called ma'am, how would you prefer someone address you if they need to get your attention? Does "hey lady" work?
I grew up in MI, have lived in Los Angeles and now in Houston, TX, so I am finding this thread very interesting. However, I must respectfully disagree with backdrifter. As a youngster in MI, I would NEVER have called an adult by their first name until they told me it was ok. I didn't call my parents' friends by their first names until I was in high school, and I had known these people all my life. So whether it's "sir or ma'am" in the south, or "Mr or Mrs" in the north, there still is a sign of respect that young people should show those older than themselves.
And I must throw this in for giggles.....my 9 year old daughter has grown up in TX, but I'm from MI. I say "you guys"...Texans say "y'all". So, in her confusion, my daughter just says "Y'all guys"....Maybe it's really that simple...blending the best of all of us.
It's different from person to person, family to family, generation to generation, and different in Michigan and Oregon. I've always called my parents' friends by their first names and everyone I know in my generation has done likewise.
Last edited by backdrifter; 08-16-2008 at 04:18 AM..
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I thought Northerners were supposed to be hard and tough?
I was apolled!(sp?) The manager, who heard everything, just strolled by & glared at me. After a short conversation with the manager the cashier & bagboy were fired on the spot. 
I'm a very well manered person but people like that deserve what they get (& they weren't the 1st or last to get nasty with me or my husband).
It Makes Women Feel Old
