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Why do you characterize people from other parts of the country in that manner? Do you think most 'outsiders' to your native town boorish and insulting?
The people to whom I refer are not that way at all, to the best of my knowledge.
You might lead people to believe that you have the very attitude that some are trying to discredit here.
No, I'm not even a Southerner, and I don't think that all people are like that. What I do think, based on what I keep reading over and over here on C-D and other similar forums, is that so many northern transplants, particularly from certain parts of the country, are like that that it kind of ruins it for other northern transplants who aren't that way at all, and that's a pity. Many northern transplants are very nice people, no doubt, who do want to acclimate and do respect the southern way of life. But it's the old saying, "one bad apple...", and that's too often the stereotype that Southerners have of northern transplants.
I was born and raised in the Upper Midwest and come from a long line of conservative farm folks on both sides. I have been married for almost 25 years to a son of Southerners who moved to Ohio in the mid-1950s to find work. I am struggling right now with my dh's desire to move south, not for warmer winters or to be near a beach, but because he feels keenly his southern roots and would like to live amongst his native people before he dies. However, due to the miriad posts that I have read here and elsewhere, I have very deep concerns about how we would be received if we ventured south, because so many northern transplants have gone south and done exactly what I alluded to in my previous post. I find that kind of irritating, KWIM? Here is a northerner who actually embraces the Bible Belt culture, who would LOVE for my nieghbors to invite me to their church, and would love to live in a "red state" at least once before I die, and yet I see post after post from northerners who moved south and, as you pointed out, end up moving home because they weren't accepted by southerners who were afraid that they would try to change things in their native towns, all because others from the North went before them and were rude and condescending. For this reason, we will probably stay right here where we have friends and family and we don't have to worry about being labeled because of the arrogance and ignorance of others.
People that come down south and are cool are accepted and loved. Ones that come down here and try to convince us they are better, harder, or cooler than us are ostrisized by everyone, even other cool northern transplants. Some people complain they can't make friends once they moved down south, with the way they act I don't think they had any friends up north either.
No, I'm not even a Southerner, and I don't think that all people are like that. What I do think, based on what I keep reading over and over here on C-D and other similar forums, is that so many northern transplants, particularly from certain parts of the country, are like that that it kind of ruins it for other northern transplants who aren't that way at all, and that's a pity. Many northern transplants are very nice people, no doubt, who do want to acclimate and do respect the southern way of life. But it's the old saying, "one bad apple...", and that's too often the stereotype that Southerners have of northern transplants.
I was born and raised in the Upper Midwest and come from a long line of conservative farm folks on both sides. I have been married for almost 25 years to a son of Southerners who moved to Ohio in the mid-1950s to find work. I am struggling right now with my dh's desire to move south, not for warmer winters or to be near a beach, but because he feels keenly his southern roots and would like to live amongst his native people before he dies. However, due to the miriad posts that I have read here and elsewhere, I have very deep concerns about how we would be received if we ventured south, because so many northern transplants have gone south and done exactly what I alluded to in my previous post. I find that kind of irritating, KWIM? Here is a northerner who actually embraces the Bible Belt culture, who would LOVE for my nieghbors to invite me to their church, and would love to live in a "red state" at least once before I die, and yet I see post after post from northerners who moved south and, as you pointed out, end up moving home because they weren't accepted by southerners who were afraid that they would try to change things in their native towns, all because others from the North went before them and were rude and condescending. For this reason, we will probably stay right here where we have friends and family and we don't have to worry about being labeled because of the arrogance and ignorance of others.
People will treat you how you treat them down here. They won't assume you are a jerk and ostrisize you for being from up north. Most of us have many friends and relatives and neighbors from up north so we realize you are just like us. If you come down however and are a jerk you will however be ostrisized and people will be fake friendly and passive agressive to you because you deserve it.
These people who I knew who moved South did not move into retirement villages, where perhaps they would have been better accepted. Both were single women who retired early. One was in my book club and the other was a secretary where I worked. I had regular conversations with both and neither seemed abrasive in any way.
All I can think of is that maybe they were both gay? Although, I am just wildly guessing, and maybe that's not fair.
Since I've moved to the South, I've seen too many people getting trash-talked behind their backs to think that Southerners are more friendly or hospitable. I've come to the conclusion that Southern hospitality is more of a learned action than anything else. You know how when you say to someone, "Hi, how are you?" and they answer "Fine." But in actuality, you don't really care about their present state too much nor do you want them to go into great detail about how they are. It's just something that you say on auto-pilot to be genial? That's how I think of hospitality in the South. I wouldn't call it fake-friendly, it's just a different type of culture. Lots of time when people say "thank you" or "ma'am" or "sir," I think they are just on auto-pilot because that's what they've been saying their whole lives and that's what their parents have been saying their whole lives and etc. I don't think they necessarily feel such overwhelming respect for a person to call him/her sir/ma'am, they just say it because that's what they always say and that's what they're told they are supposed to do.
I was raised in Texas which is catagorically west, not south, but we were taught that to say yes sir/no sir or yes ma'am/ no ma'am was to show respect for the other person. Yes, it can, at times sound like a reflex answer, but with many people where I was raised, it was genuine. We live in Tennessee now, and I can truly say that southern hospitality is alive and well here.
I think there's a bit too much over analyzing going on here.
If you move to a SMALL TOWN just about anywhere in the US, you're probably going to have a harder time making friends, regardless of where you're from originally.
If you move to a huge metropolitan area ANYWHERE in the US, you're going to experience less "local flavor," more diversity, and a wider range of personality types.
If you move to a midsize city just about anywhere, you'll probably find a good mixture of both "local flavor," and "sophistication."
I've moved and lived all over this world, and that's been my experience at least. What gets me is when people from large metropolitan areas move to a more rural area - where the same people have grown up together since grade school and already totally have their own groove going - and then the transplant starts whining about how hard it is to make friends.
I've experienced exactly this in exactly the same state - twenty miles down the road. I moved to Texas twenty years ago to a midsize city, and fit in quickly, made lasting friendships, lots of great business contacts, etc - built a career, opened a successful business, the whole nine yards. After a divorce, I met a fantastic guy who lived in a much smaller town just a few miles up the road. When we got married and I moved to this small town, I found out quickly that it's a lot harder to make friends in a "closed environment" where everyone has known everyone else all their lives, than it is to make friends in a more fluid community. Not at all impossible - just more of a challenge.
I've found that I prefer larger towns and small cities over both small towns and huge metropolitan areas. So - probably this next year, we'll be moving to a larger town, and I expect to fit in quickly, like I have most of my life.
It's not so much a North/South thing as it is a rural/city thing.
The West Coast and The South are full of fake people. Moreso the West Coast though.
I would limit the West Coast to the metropolitan areas of California, Metro Seattle, and maybe Greater Portland. Other than that, people out west are far from fake.
I think there's a bit too much over analyzing going on here.
If you move to a SMALL TOWN just about anywhere in the US, you're probably going to have a harder time making friends, regardless of where you're from originally.
It's not so much a North/South thing as it is a rural/city thing.
It is interesting that you say that KatA, and I tend to agree on many levels.
To back up, strangely enough for a Texas/Southern boy like me who bleeds Lone Stars with Confederate Gray, my longest marriages/relationships have been with northern ladies...and each of them said the same thing as applied to their own states (Kansas and Ohio, in particular). That is, that they saw in more in terms of an urban/rural thing (and both of them came from small towns) than a North/South thing.
At the same time, both said that when they moved to the South, they even noticed that large cities here are more "friendly" than those where they came from. Perhaps that is because more rural born people here move to the big cities and some of it carries over? After all, the Southern states (generally definied for this purpose as being the Old Confederate States, plus Kentucky, Oklahoma, and West Vriginia), have always been largely agricultural and rural. Heck, even Texas did not become a mostly urban state until somewhere around the 1970's...
Oh well, just saying. It is a contemplative point you bring up. Of course *grins*, I still prefer it Down Here, regardless!
TBH I'd rather have the superficial courtesy of Southern hospitality or Japanese politeness over the coldness and rudeness of other areas. Even if it can be disingenuous at times.
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