Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I completely agree with the "no problem" thing, it just bugs me to no end. I was just speaking with my wife about this during a restaurant dinner the other evening. After ordering I said "thank you" and the waitress replied "no problem." Whats' wrong with a simple "you're welcome"? If I were a problem, I'd leave your establishment and not return. Maybe that's what she wanted, but I'm a 20% tipper
I don't have as much a problem with the "no problem" or "no biggie" response I frequently get, but what I do have a problem with is not having my "thank you" acknowledged at all. I think that is rude. It makes me think the person didn't hear me or didn't care to do me the favor of a reply.
I have to say, I was raised in So. California. We knew most of our neighbors and my best friend was the boy next door. When my parents split, my mom became a bit of a hermit so socializing with neighbors wasn't something I witnessed any longer. Then I moved out on my own, into the only neighborhood I could afford which was about 96% Hispanic. I felt like they were neighborly to one another, but not to me. Granted, my only attempts at reaching out were unanswered waves.
So these days, I wave to my neighbors but couldn't tell you their names. I think our HOA has a role in our lack of interest in being friendly. When your neighbor complains to the HOA about a weed in your yard vs. just stepping over and yanking it herself or just telling you in passing, it creates tension. A simple conversation could save me a $30 fine.
Still, my biggest pet peeve is having the person walking in front of me not hold the door open for me. I work with hundreds of doctors and they all do this to me on a daily basis.
I think the best we can do, is to try to bring a little courtesy into every day life and maybe others will follow. I hold doors for everyone and I'm a woman but it is very rare that I'll encounter a man who'll step in and take my place as the door holder. I watched as two people watched a lady in a motorized wheelchair struggle to open a heavy office door without offering to help her. I ran out of my way to hold that door for her and also made sure to hold the door that exited the building too. She was so grateful that is was obvious this type of treatment wasn't common for her. What a shame.
I also always say "you're welcome" or "my pleasure."
Last edited by redjan1225; 10-17-2011 at 10:41 AM..
Reason: Grammar
I think there are several things at work. Here are a few that occur to me off the top of my head:
1. Manners/courtesty are more common in smaller towns. In general, the bigger the city is, the more people are there and the less of a "connection" there seems to be between people (there are exceptions of course, such as a tight-knit neighborhood in a huge city). Also, it is just more work to be polite to everyone you see when you see thousands of people a day instead of dozens. Most cities/towns are growing, so that leads to less cohesion in those places.
2. As another poster mentioned, the fact that we are a more mobile society cuts down on manners. People are more likely to be courteous to people in their hometown than if they move somewhere hundreds of miles away.
3. Lots of exceptions to this one, but in general southerners (and to a lesser degree midwesterners) tend to have better ettiquitte than northeasterners. As more people move to different regions, the manners tend to get diluted, and when a person's friendliness is not returned (or in some cases even commented negatively upon) they are less likely to be friendly in the future.
4. This might be a slight stretch, but I think that computers and the internet have also hurt politeness. On the internet we are much more anonymous and the interaction is much less personal. The more time we spend online, the more we normalize not taking others into consideration as much and this bleeds into our face-to-face interactions.
I have lived all over, California, Minnesota, Tennessee and Kentucky. All but California have shown common courtesy.
Neighbors are all very friendly, you always said hi chatted for a minute. Here in California though, I live in a rental area, a whole little community of rental duplexes. Most neighbors you dont want to meet, or are so ghetto thuggy you are afraid to leave the garage door open long enough for them to run in a and grab something. (yes this is actually a concern right now with my immediate neighbor).
I dont want to know some of my neighbors, yet others we hang out with, BBQ, trade gardening goods its really up to the people. I always try to be neighborly and courtesy, but when my neighbors and such choose not to, I will not go the extra mile.
Took my husband to Minnesota once, to visit family, he too has traveled and lived in other states, but learned true friendliness there. Everyone passing always says hi, or tips a hat. Or some other courtesy, he wasnt use to it here in California, and we both agreed, it was nice and a nice change of pace.
Location: Cleveland bound with MPLS in the rear-view
5,509 posts, read 11,875,397 times
Reputation: 2501
I blame "social" networking and other media that make person-to-person communication a thing of the past. People are introverted and anti-social nowadays. Maybe neighbors say "hi" via Facebook?
I completely agree with the "no problem" thing, it just bugs me to no end. I was just speaking with my wife about this during a restaurant dinner the other evening. After ordering I said "thank you" and the waitress replied "no problem." Whats' wrong with a simple "you're welcome"? If I were a problem, I'd leave your establishment and not return. Maybe that's what she wanted, but I'm a 20% tipper
I have no problem with "no problem". The sentiment is the same as "you're welcome", just different phrasing. "Happy to be of service" works for me too. Or even a "no, thank YOU!" I'm not going to be picky about the niceties.
I do agree somewhat with Zoness. I hate insincere thanks for patronizing a business.
If I'm in a mom and pop type place or talking with someone that has a vested interest in the business then I can see them thanking me for helping to keep them in business. But a minimum wage employee in a big box store really doesn't care if I shop at that particular business or if I go to the competitor down the street. They know it, I know it, and a rote thank you forced from them by upper management doesn't change anything. A plain old "have a nice day" sounds so much more sincere.
So you interperte people's basic kind gestures as an affront. That is sad for you. You should try to be open-minded towards people's kindness and not view it as offensive.
Well, in my defense, I have lots of very personal reasons for this outlook. I'd like to change it, but its not something that happens overnight. I mean, its not like I am rude about it, I just don't trust it. Besides, in many cultures (especially Europe) this type of thinking is quite normal. My best friend who is Russian said that he found it really weird when people would ask him about his day and smile all the time, bordering on creepy.
Everyone has different views.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT
I do agree somewhat with Zoness. I hate insincere thanks for patronizing a business.
Quote:
Originally Posted by west336
I blame "social" networking and other media that make person-to-person communication a thing of the past. People are introverted and anti-social nowadays. Maybe neighbors say "hi" via Facebook?
I agree that social networking is negatively affecting how people interact however I am bothered that you lumped introverts in with anti-social people. Anti-social people by definition tend to be pretty aggressive when bothered and have extremely weak skills for interacting with people. Introverts stabilize their state of mind and "gain energy" internally from their own thoughts and don't require other people to augment that for them.
I'm not nit-picking just to be pretentious, because of this mix-up people have really bad attitudes towards introverts.
3. Lots of exceptions to this one, but in general southerners (and to a lesser degree midwesterners) tend to have better ettiquitte than northeasterners.
I disagree. I don't think the region you're from has much to do with it at all. There are plenty of friendly northerners.
I think the nail on the head was when you mentioned the transient part. Where you find the most transient areas are the lesser friendly areas. This applies to everywhere.
Well, to all who have enlightened me with the "no problem" comment, I'll respond with a hardy "thank you". Admittedly I'm old school and it seems as if I've just started hearing that response lately.
I also have no issue with a "thank you" being answered with a "no problem". What I do dislike is when I say "thank you" to someone and in response they say, "yeah." This is often said in a way to indicate they've already moved on to something else and that I'm just being a nuisance. Interestingly, I received this response all the time when I lived in Tennessee, but have yet to hear it in Washington. In fact I've found common courtesies seem to be more...common...in my current town than they were in my old town.
No problem = no effort was required, although my effort is the most significant issue in
this transaction/exchange. I care only that it wasn't a problem for me.
Thank you = i appreciate your business and am grateful for it.
NOT the same thing.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
