Why American girls take a simple hello as a treat? (wedding, living in)
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I have been living in the USA for one year and a half (first in Indiana and 3 months ago I relocated to Novi, MI due to a new job) and one thing that I have noticed is that everytime I try to talk to a girl (whether at the gym or if they are my neighboors) the first thing they mention is that they have a boyfriend, my fiance this, my fiance that, actually my 15 years old son or daughter this and that... etc.
They always make up an excuse to mention that.
Why do they take a simple hello as a treat and think that I am trying to hook up with them?
Hmm, I don't know. I volunteer at my local library for the English as a second language conversational group, and I have met dozens of amazing people from all over the world. Perhaps, even if your English is perfect, this might be a way to meet new people. There are folks in our group who do this. Most of the folks in our group are women whose husbands work locally, but that's probably because my group meets on Tuesday mornings. The Saturday morning group has more men in it.
I don't think most American women are like this. Maybe you are friendlier than most American men??? I don't know.
It could be that that's all they have to talk about. Novi is a very family oriented town (as many suburban communities are) and so a majority of women (and/or guys) will talk about their families in most conversations.
I have been living in the USA for one year and a half (first in Indiana and 3 months ago I relocated to Novi, MI due to a new job) and one thing that I have noticed is that everytime I try to talk to a girl (whether at the gym or if they are my neighboors) the first thing they mention is that they have a boyfriend, my fiance this, my fiance that, actually my 15 years old son or daughter this and that... etc.
They always make up an excuse to mention that.
Why do they take a simple hello as a treat and think that I am trying to hook up with them?
Yes. Sorry but seems like I missed an "h". I meant threat.
If you read my original post I am questioning if they take a simple hello as a threat, not that I am threatening them (2 completely different things. Let's not confuse terms or sentences).
Does saying hello equals to "I want to take you out to dinner or have sex with you"?
I think a simple hello does not imply anything but a courteous way to try to be friendly.
Even if a completely stranger says hello to me I guess the least that I can do is to return the greeting.
Yes. Sorry but seems like I missed an "h". I meant threat.
If you read my original post I am questioning if they take a simple hello as a threat, not that I am threatening them (2 completely different things. Let's not confuse terms or sentences).
Does saying hello equals to "I want to take you out to dinner or have sex with you"?
I think a simple hello does not imply anything but a courteous way to try to be friendly.
Even if a completely stranger says hello to me I guess the least that I can do is to return the greeting.
Yeah, intra-gender hellos are seen as attempts to hook up. Women are quite defensive about that. They prefer a "natural" meeting, such as at work or in a club, where they can scope you out for a while. They will judge you by your surroundings or the company you keep. A "hello" out of the blue is too abrupt.
Same-gender hellos are a mixed bag. Maybe foreign cultures are different.
Yeah, intra-gender hellos are seen as attempts to hook up. Women are quite defensive about that. They prefer a "natural" meeting, such as at work or in a club, where they can scope you out for a while. They will judge you by your surroundings or the company you keep. A "hello" out of the blue is too abrupt.
Same-gender hellos are a mixed bag. Maybe foreign cultures are different.
I would have never imagined that a simple hello could be taken as something abrupt and offensive but from the reactions that I have experienced it seems like it's what's happening.
Funny thing is that when my female neighboors are with their boyfriends (or fiances, whatever they are) they are the ones that always say hello to me and their girlfriends never even look at me.
What about the gym? If you see a girl 4 or 5 times a week and say hello to them, would that be considered more "natural"?
I now wonder what my neighboor would think when I ask her how her weekend was. I would think that it is the same as saying Do you want to have sex with me right now?.
Probably from now on I would never ever say hello to them as they will probably think that I'm more educated if I behave like that.
Try to be educated with me = You are insulting me !
Be uneducated = I will probably return a greeting someday in the near future.
I have been living in the USA for one year and a half (first in Indiana and 3 months ago I relocated to Novi, MI due to a new job) and one thing that I have noticed is that everytime I try to talk to a girl (whether at the gym or if they are my neighboors) the first thing they mention is that they have a boyfriend, my fiance this, my fiance that, actually my 15 years old son or daughter this and that... etc.
They always make up an excuse to mention that.
Why do they take a simple hello as a treat and think that I am trying to hook up with them?
I have many Mexican friends here in Michigan but I have always liked to meet new people from different cultures.
Maybe I need to go out more to clubs, etc.?
Thanks.
This is very regional, I've never experienced this on either the East Coast or the West Coast.
I have experienced this often in Michigan, which is where I grew up. People tend to 'hook up' and date or get married, rather than large groups of singles all over the place (like on the Coasts). I think women just mention it, just so it's out there.
I find now that I'm married, I sometimes throw that out there when I'm talking to a physically attractive female that I end up engaging in conversation with. I just mention 'my wife' here and there, just out of the respect for the other, so they don't have to put themselves way out there showing interest, when you really can't recipricate. In short, probably a respect thing they are doing for you, so you don't embarrass yourself.
By the way, your word 'treat' is spelled 'threat'. I wouldn't have mentioned it, but mispelled twice.
Just hang in there, or try another part of the country for living/working
I don't take it as a threat however, I wear a wedding ring and if you can't figure out that I am married by that it is your problem not mine. If you ask me about my family I will tell you and if you ask me out I will thank you for your flattery and gracefully decline and mention my husband. Otherwise you can say hello and we can have a chat and hopefully we will both enjoy said chat and be better for the experience of having crossed paths. I am a very different kind of woman though and I have never been accused of being like a lot of other women people have encountered.
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Maybe foreign cultures are different.
