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I would absolutely not live in an area that I can`t stand just because relatives are near. Go where you want to live and enjoy your life... see how often those relatives will come to visit once you move.... probably not at all.. or not very often.. you live life once so enjoy it and base it on what you like not to please other people. Family is nice, but yourself is what counts. Good luck.
I can't tell which which town in Colorado will be best for you, but if you are that unhappy, then yes, absolutely move! You can always go back if it doesn't work out.
Really great replies....its just that when I read someone's reply like KarlaT2 where she says, "It's a hard decision, and either way you give up something. I just have been asking myself in 10 years which will I regret more? Not living where I love, or not spending the last few years of my parents years close to them. That's really what it comes down to to me. " vs. claud605 who states, "Bitter cold, slush, negativity, gray skies, crime galore...just wanted to finish the list...
from a former Buffalo-area girl who got the h*(* OUT!
DO NOT underestimate the power of sunshine...I am so much happier in NC than I was in NY, and I firmly believe it is the 70% sunshine vs. about 30% in Buffalo. (Yes, I researched it.)
Get out!!!!! Come to NC, lots of us here!"
I RELATE TO BOTH OF THESE PEOPLE - one second my heart is being pulled one way and then I read another and I feel it being pulled in the opposite direction....!!!! THIS IS CRAZY !! What do I do put the choices in a hat and pull a ticket to decide !?! I know other of you out there are going through similar situations from what I have read -- it makes me feel better knowing I am not the only one out there in this predicament. Some people may think this is 'no big deal, its just a move' But it IS a big deal - HUGE - because its your destiny, your life altered permanently by a decision like this. I affect not only my life, but my children, my parents (the grandparents), all of their futures -- so a decision like this weighs heavily on me, because I want to make the right decision. I don't have a lot of money to be moving all around the country anymore (since I am getting a divorce, etc.) so this last one will be it. I am having to move out of my current home anyway (so whether or not I stay in N.Y. or go to Colorado Springs - I have to move to a different house anyways) -- its just knowing what to do now.
I am following all of the replies/responses here, and really appreciate your comments. Thanks.
It shows Buffalo having 54 sunny days a year !!!! That's hardly anything compared to Colorado Springs showing 127 ..... I heard elsewhere that Colorado Springs has more like 243 sunny days here:
I would go with the NOAA information, rather than the "Chamber of Commerce" stats! That's a cool site. Remember, as far as going to a place you love, you have never been to Colorado. You may not "love" it as much as you think you will. Not everyone does.
Okay, please excuse my getting deeper into this discussion than just where to move, but honestly, it sounds like what you need right now the most is stability, not only for yourself but for your kids. Why don't you get through the initial impact of your divorce with your kids in the same city as they're used to and little by little begin to explore some other options. If possible, take some trips to other cities and network and interview so that if and when you decide to move you'll have done your homework and hopefully will be arriving there with a job. Sounds like you really are going through some inner turmoil, rightfully so in your situation, but you should stop for a minute and think of what is best for your kids right now. If it's that miserable for you in a year when the divorce may be a bit more distant from you (and them) emotionally, then maybe it's time to start moving on to the next steps. But divorce doesn't just affect those getting divorced; it heavily impacts kids too and what kids need the most in times of divorce is comfort. So I now am firm with stay put for now...not for you, for your kids.
Like I said, I've been going back and forth on this one too. There is no right answer. It's much harder with kids involved. If it was just me I would move around alot because I like to travel and see new things, and the cost to fly to visit for only one person isn't too bad. But I think it's important for kids to have some stability - maybe because my parents moved every year from the time I was 3-4 until 5th grade. I never was anywhere long enough to put down roots, or make long-lasting friendship until later. I have a friend who had same thing, and she was ok with it. I wasn't.
It depends on how close you are to your family too. I'm very close. My husband isn't,a nd could care less if he's across the planet from his family.
Also how do your kids feel about moving? When my daughter was younger, and we moved a few times we made it an adventure, and she loved it. Now, she wants to stay put.
I do get the sunshine aspect of it. That's why I love the desert. Arizona and where I'm at in La Quinta works for me. I have to say I wasn't that miserable in Oregon even though I hated rain though. In fact, I was probably happier there because my sisters, and friends I had worked with for years were there. So the weather here is great, but I'm not as happy here. I'm glad I did move to get to see both sides though. Not sure if you've been away much? Maybe you just feel stuck and want to see some of the world? I can relate to that if that is the case.
I appreciate your posting this thread. It's interesting seeing the varied replies. Just shows the only answer is the one that works best for you, and your family.
Take care.
K
I made the move to Buffalo from sunny So. Cal many years ago and I am so glad I did it! But my family had already moved away so that wasn't an issue; I wasn't leaving family behind.
I am surprised by all the comments "there aren't many sunny days in Buffalo". That's one thing I noticed right away - that despite the cold winters, there is so much sun. I always love the sun shining on the snow, and bundling the kids to go out & play in the snow on those brisk, but bright sunny days.
During a crisis may not the best time to make a life-changing decision, especially during a divorce. Maybe the strong desire to leave Buffalo is really about getting away from the issues, the conflict of the divorce. And it's just one more emotional & financial burden, thus stress on a person. Waiting till a crisis is over can give someone better insight, clearer thinking on their decision, too. That way you can really focus on exactly WHY you want to leave (the specific reasons why Buffalo is so wrong for you) and how those circumstances will be different in one of those other cities ( I know you touched on some).
Plus, living life as a single mom for awhile before moving *may* make you change your mind about how important (or really necessary) it is to have family nearby for support.
However, I also know that sometimes we want to make a big change, but it takes some crisis to get us in motion, to finally take action. If that is the case, this may be your chance to finally do something you've been thinking about for awhile.
Another thing mentioned earlier is letting the children have access to their father. That *could* end up being more important than any other issue, if he is a good father & being away from him would really affect the kids.
If you do make the change, I think the idea put forth in an earlier post would be just great, if possible - That is, to have your parents live with you part of the year. They can get away from Buffalo during the winter, and you get the benefit of family around.
Good luck with your decision. I hope you either decide Buffalo isn't so bad & stick around, or that you are successful making a move to a place that ends up being perfect for you.
(P.S. Buffalo does have the Lexington Food Co-Op, since you mentioned missing the Whole Foods Market!)
Travel!! For god sakes, it's not like a plane is impossible to come by and your parents will come out to see the great new place and probably follow. Your mission as a mom is not to bring your kids up in the shadow of their grandparents, but prepare them for the world. What better way than travelling and letting them see more of the world?
Since you are casting your net, think about other places too.
Maybe a slight relocation in NY state - I have heard that Ithaca is a much more progressive, "crunchy" type of area where you might be more comfortable and happy. You could also look into a light box/treatment for SAD if you feel you have it: Seasonal Affective Disorder: Winter Depression
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difficult decision...
