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Old 05-16-2014, 03:27 PM
 
3 posts, read 3,552 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
A lot of people have some weird misconception that where they choose to live is a direct reflection of their own importance. They aspire to live in the coolest, hippest place they can because somehow they think that automatically elevates their own status. So when you rain on their parade and tell them you aren't impressed with big city living they take that as a personal insult.
Well said. It's always sad when someone says they live in NYC, London, Paris etc because it's the most influential city, world revolves around it, center of action, etc... and then you ask them what they do and they're in some bland corporate job or generic profession, having no part in the 'scene' at all. The majority of people that live in such places are leading the exact same life as if they were in small town, there is only a minority that can and are actually using the city for what it uniquely offers.
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Old 05-20-2014, 07:27 AM
 
3,491 posts, read 5,757,783 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
So I'm 29 years old, single and gay and do not like living in big cities. I lived in NYC for two years and found it to be draining. Even mid-sized cities like Denver or Tampa are pushing it, for me. I just don't find crowding and congestion to be an appealing way to live. I prefer smaller metros (less than 2 million) Whenever I tell my friends that, they think I'm weird, like I'm a loser or something for not wanting to live in a big special city. Most of them generally aspire to urban life and when they hear someone who isn't interested in it, they're reaction is this:

Has anyone else been looked down upon or made fun of for not liking urban living, for whatever reason? Why do people who prefer urban living sometimes look down upon those who prefer to live in the country or a smaller area? I just don't get it.
I understand the feeling. Denver is the only "large" city that I really like. As a city, it is beautiful. It has a better road system than most and access to all manner of events.

I really don't like: 1. High rents 2. Massive traffic 3. Severely limited parking

That's actually the end of my list. Denver rents are high, but not stupid like some major cities. (DC anyone?) There is some traffic, but it is by far the lightest for any city of comparable Metro, in part due to lower population density than many Metros.

Usually the people that have an "ugh" attitude about people not liking cities are uneducated, but believe themselves to be highly educated, and have a strong conviction that they should be allowed to determine what other people will have. If you are hanging out with a crowd in a large city, they may be there because they really like large cities. I've known some great people that love large cities. I'm not entirely opposed to the way some of the more intelligent cities are designed. Chicago has done some incredible high density housing in areas that make it entirely possible to rarely have any need of a car. You'd still want one for a married couple, but there would be virtually no use for a second. Unfortunately, it's the high COL, Taxes, and terrible weather that come with Chicago.

You might find Fort Collins, Colorado Springs, Albuquerque, or San Diego much more to your liking. (The largest city in that list is SD, with a metro of about 1.3m IIRC)
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Old 05-22-2014, 06:59 PM
 
1,356 posts, read 1,848,774 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
Yeah I just feel more at ease living in less populated areas. Also, about the gay life thing....from my experience, I haven't noticed a significant difference between living in NYC and living in central CT. Regardless of whether I was in the big city or a smaller city, I still managed to have a little circle of friends, dates here and there, and some fun along the way (haha). Plus, in those big cities, friends tend to come and go more often, because people are constantly moving into or out of the city.

However, at the same time, I feel like the central CT area has been in decline, with regard to gay community. Seriously, like 60% of them left the area within the past 5-10 years. And now that I'm turning 30 tomorrow, I feel like the situation will only worsen, if I were to go back and live there. However, I would feel pretty stupid for relocating somewhere solely for new friendship and dating opportunities, since people come and go, and you can't depend on things like that for certain. I mean, if things don't fall into place, then what do you do.....move again to another new place?

Entering my 30's, I would prefer not to have gay life be the #1 priority, but I also don't want to neglect it either, as I am a human being who desires a social life and dating opportunities as well. It's sad and I don't know what to do. I guess it's just a matter of compromise and finding a middle ground. But I can't handle any metro area greater than 2M people. I hate it.

Another point of frustration is that many of my friends tell me that I'm "very attractive" or "gorgeous," and should therefore move to a big city. But.....what if I hate big cities?
I kind of feel that way as well except I'm straight and single. I live in a smallish to medium sized city and sometimes feel like I should move to expand my options.
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Old 05-22-2014, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Louisville
4,953 posts, read 5,112,855 times
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Eh somehow over the last couple decades it has become an elitist thing to live in the major markets especially if you're gay. I'm a youngish single gay and I've lived in bigger cities and while I dont hate it, they aren't my first choice. I moved to a smaller mid sized city about 5 years ago and fell in love with it.

There are insecure people out there (and on here) who absolutely have to espouse their opinion and demean all things they have decided to be beneath them. If you're not careful you can be convinced that if you don't live in a top 15 metro area you might not even be human! (Except for Detroit, i mean the Detroit area must not count, It can't possibly have redeeming value when you form all your opinions through television and internet and not personal experience!)
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Old 05-23-2014, 12:36 PM
 
9,236 posts, read 11,283,364 times
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I can identify with you OP. I'm in my thirties, educated, and liberal, very liberal actually. Stereotypically, big cities are where those types are thought of as living. But I loathe big cities and urban life in general. I've lived big cities, and hated it each time. I too prefer medium cities, ie two million or less counting nearby communities. I'm also a "mountain enthusiast" ie I must live near or in mountains or I get really, really unhappy. Urban/big city life is too loud, crowded, hectic, and expensive for my tastes. I don't care for concrete canyons either.
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Florida
11,669 posts, read 16,770,460 times
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Yeah exactly.

Hell, this past week, I was frowned upon for telling this other gay guy that I recently met, that I don't enjoy the NYC lifestyle (that I lived in my early 20's). I was telling him the pros and cons of living there, but told him that I ultimately thought it was a harsh "sink or swim" lifestyle. He has lived in CT his entire life and simply doesn't believe me. He still wants to move there. That's fine, BUT he kept on having a "come on dude, seriously?" attitude when I was telling him about how much I despise NYC living. As if I automatically HAVE TO like NYC simply because I'm gay and attractive.

I've even had people tell me that I should move to a big city simply because I'm attractive, which is ridiculous in my opinion. Why can't attractive people live in smaller metros?

And honestly, I have noticed that although it is true that big cities have a lot more attractive people than smaller cities, I have noticed that many (if not most) of those attractive people are uneducated and shallow. Beautiful and stupid. So it's moot.

Another thing that sucks about big city living is that most of your friends will be transient and end up moving out of the city within a couple years. Heck, when I lived in NYC 6-8 years ago, al the friends that I had there have since moved out of the city as well, except for maybe two guys.

Last edited by nep321; 05-23-2014 at 08:18 PM..
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Old 05-23-2014, 10:32 PM
 
Location: Metro Birmingham, AL
1,672 posts, read 2,687,608 times
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I was having kind of the same conversation with a friend of mine earlier this week. Im of the opinion that the most attractive, more masculine, humble gay men live in mid to small cities. Not to say that the larger cities dont have their share of those same type guys. As a gay man, my life hasnt been limited in no way because I dont live in a large metro area, been there done that.
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Old 05-23-2014, 10:56 PM
 
Location: M I N N E S O T A
14,870 posts, read 20,244,228 times
Reputation: 9242
Yeah i get a bad headache just going to a city like Minneapolis.
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Old 05-23-2014, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Savannah GA
13,710 posts, read 20,195,178 times
Reputation: 10104
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
Well, it seems like many of my gay friends think they are elevating their life to a whole new level and trying to make me jealous, by moving to a big city. Like they're super special or something.
I would get some new friends.
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Old 05-24-2014, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Florida
11,669 posts, read 16,770,460 times
Reputation: 8213
Quote:
Originally Posted by sleepless in Bham View Post
I was having kind of the same conversation with a friend of mine earlier this week. Im of the opinion that the most attractive, more masculine, humble gay men live in mid to small cities. Not to say that the larger cities dont have their share of those same type guys. As a gay man, my life hasnt been limited in no way because I dont live in a large metro area, been there done that.
Ha that's actually very true. The truly attractive, masculine gay men who don't care much about the whole gay life thing are not the type who care to move to big cities. They are more genuine. They tend to have jobs such as landscaping, police officers, firefighters, construction workers, etc. My kind of guys! Most gay men in big cities are very "gay cultured" and thrive on drama. Screw that!
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