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Let me say again, telling anyone, man or woman to CHANGE who she is to catch the right spouse is some of the worst relationship advice I have ever heard.
This kind of advice would send anyone to divorce court. If the man you love and desire does not love and desire the person you genuinely are, then he is not the right man for you. Changing who you are to fit what HE wants, will be disastrous.
You missed my original premise that says that the woman creates the man that she wants in her mind before she works to be the woman he wants. Over your head and entirely different from what you're saying. You completely misunderstand and what you're saying I'm saying, is wrong.
For instance, if she is 300 pounds, 42, with a horrible diet, bad breath, and gas, and she wants a man who is slender, athletic, handsome, and successful, she's going to have problems.
I'll help you understand though. I'm here for you. Keep trying.
Let me say again, telling anyone, man or woman to CHANGE who she is to catch the right spouse is some of the worst relationship advice I have ever heard.
This kind of advice would send anyone to divorce court. If the man you love and desire does not love and desire the person you genuinely are, then he is not the right man for you. Changing who you are to fit what HE wants, will be disastrous.
So if a woman has compulsive tendencies that led to alienation in her previous relationships, am I understanding this correctly that you think she should not seek to remedy this disruptive trait as she moves forward in finding another mate?
By your rationale, which is in response to a complete misinterpretation of my statements, she is likely to continue the pattern.
Help me understand what you're trying to do here. Your blanket statement is great for rep points but it completely misses my point.
Last edited by LexusNexus; 12-16-2007 at 06:45 AM..
Just move wherever you damn well like and you'll be fine. If you like where you live and you like what you do, you're more likely to attract a mate. There's nothing more attractive than a confident woman.
And what good would it do to move someplace you hate, just because you thought it was a good place to find a man? The odds are that in the end you'll hate the place so much you'll leave him anyway.
Plus this is going to be harder for me because I haven't dated in 8 years and I think guys want a younger woman.
No, if you're not too fussy there are many lonely guys out there - like widowers. My friend is over 70 and just hooked up with a man (she wasn't looking - her priest told her the guy was lonely) and found out he owns a well-known store around her.
Oh, and Normie is right on! Read well what he says because it works.
For instance, if she is 300 pounds, 42, with a horrible diet, bad breath, and gas, and she wants a man who is slender, athletic, handsome, and successful, she's going to have problems.
Oh, please. That's really reaching. I am sure the OP is none of this, and this advice would not apply to the majority of people. I also interpreted you as saying a woman should have an image and then make herself over. No way, man. The guy accepts her as she is or forget it.
I don't buy either the "all the good men are taken" thing and I also don't buy the "only younger women" get the dates and the guys. I have always found an available pool of quality men to date even in my late 40s which is very pleasing. The older men I have met often seem more stable too, have a relationship behind them, more stable financially and emotionally, and most importantly many are clearer in knowing what they want. The important thing is you see yourself as a quality woman with much to offer a relationship. Appreciate and be aware of your many good qualities. It sounds like you are wanting a family, does it have to be your own birth children, or are you open to being with someone who has child/ren of his own and/or adding to them? That gives you a bigger pool to pick from, because the single parents I know who are dating are absolutely THRILLED (both men and women) to meet people willing to welcome their children into the family and relationship. Another selling point for you if that is the case.
For instance, if she is 300 pounds, 42, with a horrible diet, bad breath, and gas, and she wants a man who is slender, athletic, handsome, and successful, she's going to have problems.
Oh, please. That's really reaching. I am sure the OP is none of this, and this advice would not apply to the majority of people. I also interpreted you as saying a woman should have an image and then make herself over. No way, man. The guy accepts her as she is or forget it.
The same goes for men. If a man wants to find someone that he is likely to be happy with, he must envison who that might be, then take a look at himself to see if he is worthy of such a woman. If his standards are high, then if he knows that he has some flaw that led to previous problems in elationships, then he has to attempt to rectify or improve on this relationship-injuring aspect to give his relationship with this new woman a chance. He has to change. For instance, if he's an alcoholic and this led to his divorce, then if he wants someone good, he's going to have to deal with the alcoholism before he ventures out. He must change. If he doesn't, he either won't find the woman he wants, or if he does find her, she won't want him in that condition.
So it applies to men too. Of course I'm right. Divorces are happening at an alarming rate, dating services are necessary now because this type of self-evaluation and fine-tuning is NOT happening. This type of self-analysis to discover just what type of person does the person you want, want, is critical.
This of course goes way over your head. You're still stuck in the incredibly simplistic view that "hell, if he don't take me just the way I am, I don't need him." Well, if you're fat and bossy, you're going to have to change if you expect to get someone who is suitable, loyal, and likely to result in a long-lasting harmonious relationship.
You sound incredibly naive and you don't have a clue.
Of course I'm right
Ha ha! If we have any doubts, just ask you! Your whole thread made me roar. Thanks for making my day. I've never had to change anything and have had my share of quality attention. Sounds like you might have some issues -- all hung up on fat and alchoholism which is way beside the point. I doubt the OP has those problems i.e. so your response is of no help.
Last edited by Lillietta; 12-18-2007 at 02:23 PM..
Calm down everyone, please. We attack ideas here, not each other. Several personal attacks have been removed from this thread. If more are posted, it will be closed.
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