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I am new in US and trying to learn about the culture. I live in an apartment building, haven't interacted with my neighbors much except for smiling when I see them in lobby. One young lady knocked my door an hour back. I answered. She said she wanted some quarters for laundry and I thought and felt like I didn't had any so I told her that. She made a sad face and went to her apartment. I felt bad as I couldn't help her.
I looked into around in house, I found a couple of them and thought to give it to her to help her. I knocked at her door and waited for some time, she didn't reply. I thought she might be busy or something, so I went and knocked again after 15 mins. This time I could hear some noise and someone talking near the door, but no one answered the door.
Few months back, I had knocked my other neighbor's door to ask for something. We had met and had some general conversation a couple of times in the building lobby. But even they didn't answer the door then.
I am just trying to understand here if it is common to not answer the doors in US so that I think twice before knocking anybody's door to ask or provide help?
What's bad manners, in my opinion, is to ask a stranger for help. If someone is bold enough to knock on your door, who is not already your friend, and then asks you for a favor - this is a bad sign. This person will be bothering you for help from then on, most likely, and then you'll have to back-peddle trying to stop helping someone who is a needy user type.
In theory, it would be nice if you help your neighbor, and then that neighbor helps you. But, that's not usually what happens.
So, I suggest you don't answer your door, and I suggest you also don't knock on somebody else's door - unless you are great friends already and they are expecting you. It's common courtesy nowadays to text or call first, and not to just show up.
I live in a low income senior apt bldg, and I had to stop answering my door, as my neighbors were all looking for the new sucker - I mean new tenant ha ha - to do them favors. I ended up disconnecting my doorbell, and I actually had to put a sign on my door that said "If you are not management or Fed Ex or UPS, do NOT knock on my door - no exceptions!" Then one of them actually taped a letter on my door asking why I was "punishing" them! Crazy. They finally quit bothering me, but even the other day one of the tenants who had never asked a favor of me before, asked me if I'd pick something up for him at the store next time I go. I mumbled something, as he caught me off guard, but I'm not doing his shopping! Sheesh, the nerve of some people. If he asks again, I'll just say, "I don't shop for other people, and walk away. But, they are relentless.
The poor new lady across the hall is now being bombarded by these same people. She's being too nice. Hopefully, she'll figure out how to say no to them, or she'll probably just be moving again lol.
With this girl who knocked on your door, today it will be quarters, tomorrow she'll need a ride, the next week she'll need something else. Don't answer your door
What's bad manners, in my opinion, is to ask a stranger for help. If someone is bold enough to knock on your door, who is not already your friend, and then asks you for a favor - this is a bad sign. This person will be bothering you for help from then on, most likely, and then you'll have to back-peddle trying to stop helping someone who is a needy user type.
In theory, it would be nice if you help your neighbor, and then that neighbor helps you. But, that's not usually what happens.
So, I suggest you don't answer your door, and I suggest you also don't knock on somebody else's door - unless you are great friends already and they are expecting you. It's common courtesy nowadays to text or call first, and not to just show up.
I live in a low income senior apt bldg, and I had to stop answering my door, as my neighbors were all looking for the new sucker - I mean new tenant ha ha - to do them favors. I ended up disconnecting my doorbell, and I actually had to put a sign on my door that said "If you are not management or Fed Ex or UPS, do NOT knock on my door - no exceptions!" Then one of them actually taped a letter on my door asking why I was "punishing" them! Crazy. They finally quit bothering me, but even the other day one of the tenants who had never asked a favor of me before, asked me if I'd pick something up for him at the store next time I go. I mumbled something, as he caught me off guard, but I'm not doing his shopping! Sheesh, the nerve of some people. If he asks again, I'll just say, "I don't shop for other people, and walk away. But, they are relentless.
The poor new lady across the hall is now being bombarded by these same people. She's being too nice. Hopefully, she'll figure out how to say no to them, or she'll probably just be moving again lol.
With this girl who knocked on your door, today it will be quarters, tomorrow she'll need a ride, the next week she'll need something else. Don't answer your door
I think you are right. I should stop answering the door. Also our's is not a gated community and sometimes there are marketing people knocking the door and trying to convince to buy their products.
I have had experience about the shopping thing with me as well. I came to US last year to get a degree and was in a different city then where I am now. In school I was working in dining halls to cover my expenses and I made a friend there who was from a different country. We were residing in same community. Once while going on grocery shopping I asked her if she needs anything. She handed me $5 and asked to get milk. After sometime she text'ed me to get some more stuff. The bill went over $6 and she never used to give me that money and since I thought she is my friend I let go the money and never used to ask for it. She did that couple of times giving me $5 bills and asking me to get more stuff than that. One day I felt very bad and to stop myself from helping her or letting her into my house. Before that she used to come to my house for studying together.
When I worked from home, I would get one or two sales type people a day in my sub/division knocking @ the door. After about a week of it I stopped answering it.
Unless I was expecting something/Someone I would not answer it.
From the outside you can't tell if anyone is home. Of Courses the downside of not answer it, they could be casing/check to see if anyone is home before they break in to burglarize you home and find you home.
Location: New Albany, Indiana (Greater Louisville)
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Etiquette varies greatly throughout the USA, especially urban vs rural. In some rural areas old men sit on the front porch and wave at every car that passes by. In some big cities people don't say "excuse me' if they ran into you on the sidewalk. In some areas there are a lot of salesmen and door to door missionaries that are annoying to deal with. In my family people don't open the door unless it's a familiar face or if they're expecting a delivery.
The person you dealt with sounds more like an annoying salesman to me, even if they're a neighbor. As a rule I don't give beggars / acquaintance money. Usually they aren't as bad off as they act. If you want to know if they're so bad off offer them food or water - they'll never take it because they want more money or drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes. Really poor people are in shelters.
I would never knock on a stranger's door unless it was an emergency. I always call friends before dropping by or I don't drop by. It's just common courtesy. You never know what a person is doing in that they might not want to be interrupted.
I had a neighbor once who had Aids. He had to take some very strong meds that made him really ill right after he took his dosage. He had to go to bed and just kind of sleep to avoid feeling the side effects. Those @#$%@$& stupid evanelgists would hit our apartment complex and bang on his door and sometimes get him after he had taken his dose. Of course he wouldn't come to the door to answer but it would still wake him up and he needed his sleep.
The fact that they so rudely bother people to begin with, ignoring "no soliciting" signs because they think they are so special is bad enough. Sometimes when I would tell them to leave that neighbor alone because he was ill (never told them with what of course) and recuperating they would knock on his door anyway. I once told one of those bible thumpers to get lost or I would call the cops.
Elderly people are often afraid to answer the door as are women who live alone might be. Unless you live in Mayberry, it's probably best for anyone not to unless you can be certain who it is.
An additional note, asking for laundry money is pretty rude. Often people who do that once will do it again and again. I have had neighbors who have done that and have had to be told to stop. Just becasue I live near the laundry room doesn't make me a coin machine. If someone knows they are going to do laundry and will need quarters, they need to make sure they have them on hand.
My Aunt was in a Senior Apt. She was the quarter person.
But she made change, ( I think she made a profit on it.) After church we would give her her "weekly" allowance. and she always wanted at last $20 in quarters a week.
I think you are right. I should stop answering the door. Also our's is not a gated community and sometimes there are marketing people knocking the door and trying to convince to buy their products.
I have had experience about the shopping thing with me as well. I came to US last year to get a degree and was in a different city then where I am now. In school I was working in dining halls to cover my expenses and I made a friend there who was from a different country. We were residing in same community. Once while going on grocery shopping I asked her if she needs anything. She handed me $5 and asked to get milk. After sometime she text'ed me to get some more stuff. The bill went over $6 and she never used to give me that money and since I thought she is my friend I let go the money and never used to ask for it. She did that couple of times giving me $5 bills and asking me to get more stuff than that. One day I felt very bad and to stop myself from helping her or letting her into my house. Before that she used to come to my house for studying together.
Very rude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyonpa
My Aunt was in a Senior Apt. She was the quarter person.
But she made change, ( I think she made a profit on it.) After church we would give her her "weekly" allowance. and she always wanted at last $20 in quarters a week.
There's a guy in my building who is the quarters guy. He doesn't make a profit in it. It just makes him feel important, I think. Plus, he's the biggest gossip in the building and I think it gives him a chance to try to get info out of people to gossip about ha ha.
There's a guy in my building who is the quarters guy. He doesn't make a profit in it. It just makes him feel important, I think. Plus, he's the biggest gossip in the building and I think it gives him a chance to try to get info out of people to gossip about ha ha.
Yes there is that! The buidling yenta. You find one in most buildings. They don't mind your knocking on their door because they eagerly want to know all about you and whatever you know about the neighbors. Yadda, yadda, yadda!
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