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Okay. Let's talk about manners. In some parts of the country, manners are far more important than in other parts of the country.
Moving to the South, I was shocked by the number of children who said, "Please," "Thank you," "Yes sir," and "No sir." Or the number of people who held doors open for others. Or wrote thank-you notes. It really took getting used to, but I really began to enjoy it.
How about you? Are good manners just anachronistic? Or are they the small pleasantries that make life nice? I asked a Southern friend to explain it, and he informed me that manners are no more than the treatment of others with respect, and the tools to create comfort for people in any given social situation. Having lived here several years now, I tend to agree.
And, especially if you have children, what manners do you expect them to have?
Okay. Let's talk about manners. In some parts of the country, manners are far more important than in other parts of the country.
Moving to the South, I was shocked by the number of children who said, "Please," "Thank you," "Yes sir," and "No sir." Or the number of people who held doors open for others. Or wrote thank-you notes. It really took getting used to, but I really began to enjoy it.
How about you? Are good manners just anachronistic? Or are they the small pleasantries that make life nice? I asked a Southern friend to explain it, and he informed me that manners are no more than the treatment of others with respect, and the tools to create comfort for people in any given social situation. Having lived here several years now, I tend to agree.
And, especially if you have children, what manners do you expect them to have?
There are people with both good and bad manners in every state, city and town.
There are people with both good and bad manners in every state, city and town.
I agree with you. However, some areas seem to emphasize manners more than others. Boston, for example, seems to have a much higher tolerance for rudeness.
I will agree that the South is probably the only place left in which a gentleman still acts like a gentleman. Not to sound corny, but I think that Americas overall lack of manners is degrading us as a country.
I will agree that the South is probably the only place left in which a gentleman still acts like a gentleman. Not to sound corny, but I think that Americas overall lack of manners is degrading us as a country.
mmm, not just the US. Probably most of the 1st world. It irony that the more poverty-stricken a county is the more polite the people seem to be.
The south is famous for being polite...as well as overwhelmingly rude as odd as it is.
I tend to agree with the politeness being present in every state and region. The culture is the difference, an Idea of politeness for someone from NYC is probably fairly different the the idea of politeness from a town with a population of 4000.
I thing rural areas in general are more polite, but i think its because they don't have the rush of the city...
I agree with you. However, some areas seem to emphasize manners more than others. Boston, for example, seems to have a much higher tolerance for rudeness.
I don't know why people make generalizations such as this. Just because the guys up there aren't "gentlemen" and don't open doors or pull out chairs doesn't mean they have bad manners. It means they have a different way of life. It's 2008, not 1930. Times change.
I agree with your Southern friend. Manners are a way of showing respect to another person.
I was raised in the NE and was taught to say please and thank you, to say excuse me if I inavdvertantly bump someone or need to walk past them. When we moved to FL when I was in school, they made us address all the teachers as "Sir" or "Ma'am", and most kids I knew there who grew up in the South called all aduilts including their parents, Sir or Ma'am. My parents thought that was a bit over the top, and didn't make us call adults Sir or Ma'am, but we were expected to treat adults respectfully.
Since living the the Midwest, I notice manners are more casual here. Store clerks are less likely to thank you (though many do), and many people don't excuse themselves if they want to walk past you (like in a movie theater) they just barge ahead. And I never heard anyone burp without excusing themselves until I came here.
Just my observations, for what they are worth. Your experience may differ. (Please share if it does. Much preferred to telling me to shut up, as others have done when I've posted my personal observations and experiences about peopl in the various parts of the country in which I have lived.)
I am in my late 60's and I believe that I was brought up with good manners. I was raised primarily in New England.
Table manners were stressed and taught when I was growing up. We sat and waited to be served by my father at the head of the table; no one began to eat until everyone had their food; "please pass the ____" was heard and no reaching; you waited till everyone was ready or until Dad, said, "would any one like more" for second helpings. We used napkins and we didnt leave the table until we asked, "may I please be excused?" As we grew and were in High School things relaxed a little at the table, but not talking with food in ones mouth, requesting items to be passed, and excusing oneself from table persisted. I used to be totally flumoxed by the casual table manners e.g. food cartons on the table, people helping themselves, putting personal utensils into common recepticles and cross conversations; I have grown used to it but still would teach children the proper expectations and then let them loosen up as they grew.
I was taught to call adults by their last names with titles of respect and still like that. When I introduce myself to a child I say, Mr. ___________; similarly we used kinship titles when addressing relatives--Cousin Mary, Aunt Bessie. I still like that. In speaking with adults I also learned you need to add sir or mam or the name to a response. "Yes sir" or Yes Mr. Arnold".
Of course the most elementary and universal expectation of request being prefaced with, May I please___________; and "yes please" and "no thank you". I shudder when I hear a Yup or Nope or Naw grunted back at someone offering you something.
I do open doors for anyone if we are passing together and I get there first. It isnt just for ladies, I let others pass in front of me. I find it truly rude when someone passes in front of me in the movie theatre without saying "excuse me" and similarly unexpected bumping or touching someone requires a "pardon me".
I think good manners should also carry over into driving behavior and that would avoid "road rage".
I don't know why people make generalizations such as this. Just because the guys up there aren't "gentlemen" and don't open doors or pull out chairs doesn't mean they have bad manners. It means they have a different way of life. It's 2008, not 1930. Times change.
I believe generalizing is rude.
I'm not generalizing. It's observed behavior. I go to Boston every year on business. This time, I spent two weeks there, and these are things I witnessed:
1) Motorists shouting obscenities at one another. Not once. Not twice. But just out of habit. It's almost as if the entire city came down with Tourrette's Syndrome.
2) People stealing cabs.
3) People not opening the door for the person behind them.
4) The only "please" and "thank you" I heard was from waitstaff and desk clerks...and grudgingly.
5) People interrupting each other in conversations. What the heck?
6) People breaking in line.
The list just goes on and on. Coming from Chicago myself, I can tell you that I saw more behavior that would be termed "rude" in two weeks than I would see in five years in Chicago, and in a lifetime in the South.
I agree with you. However, some areas seem to emphasize manners more than others. Boston, for example, seems to have a much higher tolerance for rudeness.
And I agree with that. In my experience,in being raised in a somewhat conservative family in north/central New Jersey we were taught all the standard 'manners'. Not like the south with the sir and ma'am but manners nonetheless.
Then I get to Philadelphia! Whew! Out the window! It's like the opposite of what manners should be! Like most of the people were raised by animals
Y'know I've never really heard fat women burp like that...
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