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Perhaps more than anything else, what made New York and Chicago such iconic American cities are their skylines of skyscrapers and other high-rises. It's very hard to imagine those cities without the skyscrapers, but what if such buildings were never built? What would cities be without them?
Well, here are the two biggest advantages of high density housing and office space:
1) You can fit more people in a small area
2) You can create a viable public transit system
Manhattan is an island. There's literally nowhere else to build but up. Look at the severe housing crisis that San Francisco is facing as it's trying to grow while being hemmed in on three sides by water. SF has been a traditionally medium-density city.
Then look at Los Angeles. It's the definition of urban sprawl. You don't need big buildings to have a big city but without them, you have traffic snarls and smog.
I also think there are cultural advantages to cities that have vibrant street life. World class cities like London, Paris and Tokyo are places where people want to live, work and play and they feel alive. People live more of their lives in public and/or shared spaces and spend less time cooped up in their cookie cutter suburban homes. High density cities are just more dynamic.
Washington DC doesn't have any high rises because there's a height limit. Stamford, CT and San Diego, CA are two examples of cities with a height limit however they both have skyscrapers. Stamford's limit is 400ft and San Diego is 500ft because of its close proximity to an airport.
For American cities it depends what you mean as "big cities". Sioux Falls, SD has well over 150,000 people but no tall buildings. Tall buildings are based upon the city's economy such as New York and Chicago. Skyscrapers show power, prestige, and attraction to city dwellers. In other countries, the culture is different. Italian cities have literally 0 tall skyscrapers. They don't want to modernize their cities to a point where history is destroyed. Cities within the U.S. didn't get that message. Boston has tons of historic properties but many were lost to highways and skyscrapers. American cities want to move forward for money and opportunities. In a large country, there's a lot of competition. I admire places like Dublin and St Petersburg as they are within a handful of cities that reject skyscrapers.
London had fairly strict height restrictions up until around 2000. There were less than 20 residential or commercial buildings more than 100 meters tall.
In general, European cities do not have impressive skylines due to the desire for historic preservation. They don't need to have them though. The "sweet spot" for structural density contributing to vibrant street life is about six stories. As long as you have a median height close to this, the area will be bustling.
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