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Both of my parents are gone, my mother passed on when I was 22, and my father did last year (not long after I turned 34: never had much of a relationship with him/his fault). The only person left near where I grew up (Southern CA) is my brother, and IMO him and I are about as close as we both want to be.
I got the heck out of there before I turned 21. Stopped in another part of CA to find my wife, and left CA for good not long after I turned 23. Haven't domiciled within those borders since.
I grew up in the Chicano/So Cal culture, and while there are plenty of aspects I do miss about it, I couldn't be happier to be free from it. I can just be myself now.
Like the OP, I'm kind of angry with my mother for choosing to raise us in that rat race. There aren't many benefits to living in it when you're poor (and we were).
I do have a ton of extended family (my father's side) in Southern CA, and while they all seem to be happy and content being within a 25 mile radius of each other, I'm good not being so. We were never that close with most of them anyway, so I don't feel that I'm missing much. My mother's family is all in Seattle, and I'd really rather not shove myself down their throats either.
My wife OTOH, I think a big part of her still misses her hometown, her family, and the non-stop drama. I do love her family to pieces, but while we were still living there (NE Kern County, CA), I felt incredibly held back, limited, and involved in neverending drama.
tl;dr, I did get to spend most of my mother's final days with her, no I don't regret leaving home/culture, and yes, I'm happier for having done so. I have no desire to return to my roots for longer than a visit.
Nope. I moved far away from the area my parents chose to live in and never looked back.
I was never close to family anyway, never really felt at home in that area, so living far away doesn’t matter.
My chosen home matches my preferences, not somebody else’s.
This exactly.
I don't resent my parents for raising me where they did but starting as a teenager and continuing today I don't understand why anyone would want to live there.
No matter where you live, you take yourself with you, so first and foremost, get your own self straight.
Take responsibility for your own life and your own happiness, and find a place that fits your lifestyle, values, etc. It may be near family, it may not be. It may be near where you grew up, it may not be.
Another thing I find is that it's often beneficial for someone to move away from family and what they are familiar with - whether it's a permanent or temporary move. Don't be afraid to do it - such a move can really clarify to you what is important to you.
As we get older, things become clearer to us, priorities and even values can change. Family members get older, time with them can become more precious (not always but often). Heck, WE get older and realize that our time on this earth really is limited. We should spend that time doing things and being with people we love. Sometimes that's family and sometimes it's not, but the key to happiness starts with knowing and liking ourselves.
I've noticed a pattern in the posts where people who had family issues and/or didn't like their roots liked their new location. Inversely, those with healthy family ties and enjoyable early years have been less enthusiastic about moving away.
Maybe this is less about moving and relocating to a new area, and more about family, friends, and culture. Maybe we're reversing the chicken and egg.
I agree with KathrynA's last paragraph above. As we get older, our priorities and values change. That's another factor in the equation. What might make sense in one's 20's might not in one's 50's. People change, cities change, circumstances change, etc.
I've noticed a pattern in the posts where people who had family issues and/or didn't like their roots liked their new location. Inversely, those with healthy family ties and enjoyable early years have been less enthusiastic about moving away.
Maybe this is less about moving and relocating to a new area, and more about family, friends, and culture. Maybe we're reversing the chicken and egg.
In my case, as far back as I can remember, I disliked cities and highly developed areas. Moving to an area with more wild or at least natural land made me want to dig my feet in. Cultural differences were obvious, too; maybe such less intensely developed areas do not tend to bring in homebodies from elsewhere.
No, for sure. Yes for sure. That's the kinds of responses you will get depending upon the family dynamics.
When I lived in Portland, I had a sister and brother-in-law who lived in LA. If I wanted to see them I had to visit them. They would never visit me. They could well afford the air fare far better than I. We were never close emotionally though even when we lived in the same town.
When I moved to Cleveland, I was nearer to another sister and family living in Toronto. We take turns visiting each other and communicate on FB.
So I think the definitive answer would be, "It all depends....."
I've noticed a pattern in the posts where people who had family issues and/or didn't like their roots liked their new location. Inversely, those with healthy family ties and enjoyable early years have been less enthusiastic about moving away.
Maybe this is less about moving and relocating to a new area, and more about family, friends, and culture. Maybe we're reversing the chicken and egg.
I agree with KathrynA's last paragraph above. As we get older, our priorities and values change. That's another factor in the equation. What might make sense in one's 20's might not in one's 50's. People change, cities change, circumstances change, etc.
People who come from large, clannish Mexican/Irish/Italian/Filipino-American families are usually less enthusiastic about moving far away from their families, regardless of the prevailing family dynamic.
For example, you don't meet Mexican-Americans from California in Tennessee, but you will meet plenty of English-Americans from California in Tennessee.
Similarly, you don't meet many Italian-Americans from New England in California, but you will meet plenty of English-Americans from New England in California.
As a parent, I’m starting to realize how much easier my life would be if I lived closer to family. Between Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, MLK, Presidents’ Day, various teacher training days and snow day closures, I have to use two weeks of PTO for non-break school closures. I wouldn’t have to do that if the kids had local grandparents, and my life would be VASTLY improved with more actual vacation time.
One of the few things I miss about living close to home. The convenience.
Yes for sure. I was born in Louisiana but lived a lot of my life in Maryland. I also lived for 4 years in West Virginia and am back in Louisiana now. I fit in well in both West Virginia and Louisiana culturally and that was very important, much more so than in Maryland. I identify with Southern and all-American culture despite my ethnic heritage and prefer to live someplace where my culture, religion, and politics are the majority. I wouldn't live outside the South again if I could help it.
I would honestly NOT feel comfortable or happy living in an area that's not at least 75% Christian, 70% culturally American (this would exclude Miami, South Texas, New YOrk City, Los Angeles, San Francisco, etc), 50% Republican, where at least 70% of the people speak English as their primary language, where at least some businesses play country or Christian music on the radio, where gun ownership is seen as mainstream, and where there's a good selection of restaurants serving traditional Southern cuisine, barbecue, and steakhouses.
Just like there are others who wouldn't feel comfortable in an area that's not at least 30% Hispanic and with good Mexican food, a large Mexican Catholic population, or a large Jewish community, etc etc. I don't like being in the minority. I'm a minority racially but culturally I'm assimilated to the point where that doesn't matter.
Also, I prefer the more laid back atmosphere and friendliness of the South though Southern hospitality is being diluted in many places by transplants and by the younger generation being too influenced by Hollywood and MTV. Climate is another thing, it would be very hard for me to adjust to bitterly cold winters in places like the Great Lakes, New England, etc.
How are these places not culturally American? You need to branch out. Especially South Texas. It's American.
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