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Is there any difference? Both the Northern Midwest and the South are known for their warm people. Other than the climate they live in, what's the difference between a Wisconsinite and a Kentuckian, in terms of their social attitude towards their neighbors?
Is there any difference? Both the Northern Midwest and the South are known for their warm people. Other than the climate they live in, what's the difference between a Wisconsinite and a Kentuckian, in terms of their social attitude towards their neighbors?
"Midwest nice" or "Minnesota nice" is not a positive attribute.
It refers to Midwestern (or Minnesota) residents' tendency to be friendly and agreeable only out of politeness; being passive-aggressive instead of being direct in order to avoid confrontation.
You suggest to meet up with someone you've met recently, and they happily agree. However you can never lock down a time to meet them - they were being Minnesota nice when they agreed to your invitation. Or if you have a subordinate at work who, when given an assignment that they don't agree with, instead of telling you directly, procrastinates, makes excuses, feigns ignorance or confusion, etc. in a way to subtly show their disagreement.
People will say it's "being fake" but if both sides understand the rules of the game, the system makes for a very smooth way for rejection or disagreements to be handled. In the above examples, the person on the receiving end would quickly realize what's going on and save themselves the embarrassment or unpleasantness of having a disagreement.
Southern hospitality is the original stereotype. In a low density region, taverns weren’t well-supported and private homes became the defacto resting place for travelers. Whether that was driven by a rural naïveté, a biblical parable, or simple politeness I don’t know (perhaps all the above to various degrees), but opening up the home to strangers was seen as of paramount importance.
Otherwise, being “nice” is also conflated with politeness at times. My mom often talks about how she and her 5 siblings were raised to be polite. But each child took different approaches within that framework, some coupling it with sincere niceness, others with a more aggressive tone. As with people, politeness comes in all forms. Knowing how the infamous phrase “bless your heart” is being used, as an olive branch or a cudgel or a metaphorical hug, is one of the subtleties one learns early on.
Southern hospitality is more centered around formal manners. It's "sir" and "ma'am" and putting "Miss" or "Mr" in front of casual acquaintances first names.
Midwestern hospitality is a little cruder, for lack of a better word. It's a combination of apologetic politeness and a willingness to help your neighbor, even if there isn't a great willingness to get to know them.
It's generally the same overall, from what I've personally experienced. You might hear more "sir" and "ma'am" in the South, but that might be about it. Both are genuinely nice/polite, open doors for others, offer ladies and the elderly their seat on a crowded train/bus, neighborliness, etc. They're both very good in those regards.
OK so I got introduced to midwestern style niceness a couple of years ago when visiting extended family with my sister in law in Ohio.
When we were getting ready to leave, we stood up - first in the living room, and then slowly made our way, with my sister in law and her family talking non stop, to the foyer, then out to the driveway and then she was STILL talking with family in the car, and even as we drove away! For some perspective, one of the men went outside, MOWED THE LAWN, and came back in and they were STILL TALKING and moving very slowly toward the door. He even said "I see you've been introduced to Midwestern style good byes."
I don't know if it's normal or not, but all I can say is that I am southern to the core and yet I've never seen anything like that. I have girded my loins for the next time! It is inevitable.
And the crazy thing is, my sister in law is not a big talker. She doesn't seem to do that when she's visiting here. But there? OMG.
OK so I got introduced to midwestern style niceness a couple of years ago when visiting extended family with my sister in law in Ohio.
When we were getting ready to leave, we stood up - first in the living room, and then slowly made our way, with my sister in law and her family talking non stop, to the foyer, then out to the driveway and then she was STILL talking with family in the car, and even as we drove away! For some perspective, one of the men went outside, MOWED THE LAWN, and came back in and they were STILL TALKING and moving very slowly toward the door. He even said "I see you've been introduced to Midwestern style good byes."
I don't know if it's normal or not, but all I can say is that I am southern to the core and yet I've never seen anything like that. I have girded my loins for the next time! It is inevitable.
And the crazy thing is, my sister in law is not a big talker. She doesn't seem to do that when she's visiting here. But there? OMG.
It's real and it drives me nuts. Leaving my mom's house is a 45 minute process.
I wonder if that's related to the groups of immigrants which dominate in the Midwest more than other regions of the country. I didn't grow up in the Midwest but in central Europe, and it's exactly the same way.
You always spend at least 15 minutes talking to people while they're in the process of leaving, if people decide to leave immediately upon grabbing their belongings it's in fact seen as rude unless they have a very good reason such as an emergency. As a child this was rather annoying because it meant standing around for ages while the adults talked and wouldn't finish, sometimes for 1-2 hours. There's photos of me and my siblings playing in the driveway while waiting to actually depart my aunt's house. Of course as I grew older I realized that I was beginning to do the same thing when leaving houses of friends.
Now here on the East Coast of the U.S. it feels like people expect you to leave ASAP when you get up to leave. I have caught myself subconsciously hovering around expecting a conversation to be started, only to realize a minute later that nope when you said 'bye' that's it, you are considered to have already left.
MN (n)ice is a negative quality. It refers to passive aggressiveness quality derived mostly from the strong german and scandinavian heritage of the region.
A couple of quotes come to mind:
Everyone is polite, no one is friendly
People will give you directions to anywhere but their house.
Basically, minnesotans avoid saying candid negativity, or even the word "no". It's all about not rocking the boat. It sounds subtle, but it's pervasive.
If you ask someone from the northeast if they liked their meal, they might simply say "no". While a midwesterner might say " I've had better" or it was "different/interesting", which is code for they hated it. Personally I'm not a fan of MN (n)ice. Neighbors hibernate and look to avoid confrontation, 5hus they avoid interaction and keep to their insular selves.
Source: I've lived in NJ, IL,WI, MN, GA.
Southern hospitality is more friendly, outward, and even gossipy.
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