What do you think is the minimum size a typical city needs to be to have everything you need?
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Smallest place I ever lived in Tucson, and that was too small. Economy was too poor.
I have only ever lived in multi-million plus metros and that's the only way I will do it.
It may depend on what age group a person is. I lived in Tucson about half the time from late 2017 until May 2022. As a retiree, I had no need to go to the only mega metro in AZ (Phoenix). Everything I needed was available in Tucson.
If I was in a younger age group and wanted more live music venues, entertainment, bar hopping, major league sports, I can see how the appeal of a mega metro like Phoenix would stand out.
I lived in mega-metro areas of San Francisco Bay Area, Orange County CA and northern New Jersey burbs of NYC for most of my working career. I found the move to Tucson good because within a relatively short time, one could drive out of the urban area and be in unspoiled natural terrain.
I currently live in a medium sized metro area under 300K population in Germany, and it has everything I need plus very close access to forest and natural areas. One hour by train to larger cities too (Leipzig or Dresden) and 2 1/2 hours by train to mega metro (Berlin).
I have to have access to decent healthcare so a top 20 hospital with good medical programs and a decent amount of physician per capita is a necessity.
Must have decent rapid transit. It doesn't have to be a top Metro system but useful with access to amenities like airports, shopping, schools and medical centers without a car.
Bike infrastructure must be in place or growing into something significant. I have to stay active and be able to access the city in a safe bikeable environment.
A certain level of intellectualism usually brings about a good healthy population with good healthcare not to mention a open minded community. Very good networking opportunities and ease of making friends outside of my demographic.
Walkable neighborhoods with many opportunities to live carless or at least carlight.
Good park system and or expansive greenway system.
Access to high-quality grocery stores or famers markets for obvious reasons.
Is it not possible that they have thought it through and simply want fewer things in their community than you do?
To use some of your examples, I personally don't care about restaurants, walkable neighborhoods, major universities, concerts, pro sports venues, museums, large urban parks, or nearby major airports. Indeed, some of those things I dislike having nearby.
Sure. You are the one who asked for others opinion.
I have kids who I like to keep stimulated and exposed to the world so my standards are going to be much different than someone who is retired or who is single, and also different from parents who like to shelter and isolate their kids as much as possible.
For me some things like level 1 trauma center, access to good pediatric and cancer care, and a large airport hub are not negotiable and I do think people who think those are superfluous haven't really thought it through. Cities that have these things tend to also have the other amenities I listed that you don't care for. Problem is, they tend to come as a package.
Large enough to be their own media market, or if they "share" like Asheville at least have one of the "big 3" and a couple of radio stations.
Airport has service full-time to more than just 1 or 2 destinations.
Props if they have a minor league Baseball and/or Hockey team, or did at one time.
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