It's just so far away! (apartment, how much, house)
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Location: northern Vermont - previously NM, WA, & MA
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As a measure of perspective, the distance of another town, another metro area, or another state can have the greatest range of variance in people's minds. But often for city and suburban dwellers, the other side of town or another part of the metro area might as well be Timbuktu for what they feel the time and energy of getting there entails.
Using the Boston area for perspective, when I lived in Salem just 15 miles north the city (with commuter rail access), my friends in the city would rarely go up there using the justification "it's just so far"! Even though Salem and the North Shore have a lot of interesting things to do. Sometimes they would get melodramatic about it, when I mentioned going somewhere like New Hampshire they would be worried about falling off the edge of the earth just crossing the state line. Well as time passed, I just found these guys to be too closed minded and the friendships fizzled out since I moved around.
I also know people in the North Shore suburbs of Boston that have no interest in going to Cape Cod for a weekend as if going through the other side of the Boston tunnels is some sort of vacuum to which they don't have the time and energy for it. But they would sooner drive hours up into deep Maine to avoid Boston traffic. I think the feeling is mutual for people on the South Shore.
Some people have legit reasons if the west side or north side of said metro area really just doesn't have anything to offer them and I know traffic can be soul sucking and draining at times. But there are certainly windows when a jaunt across town can be manageable. I can only imagine this way of thinking likely exists greatly in places like NYC between Jersey and Long Island, Chicagoland, in SoCal and other metros. I think most posting on C-D can get beyond this barrier based on travel experiences, but how much of this do you encounter with people in your metro area or the state you live in?
Last edited by Champ le monstre du lac; 12-04-2022 at 08:06 AM..
It depends on the perspective and the context though.
When I was younger living in Manhattan as a student who didn’t drive, I had to go to New Jersey for the weekend trip as my brother and his young family lived in Holmdel. (he worked for Bell Lab at the time. So it was Central Jersey?) I hated the big Odyssey trip but I adored my baby nephew.
For many weekends I had to take the subway from Broadway/Lafayette to Penn Station where for anyone who’s been there would know, is one massive ugly maze. You had to navigate the chaotic maze to manage to find the direction of North NJ Transit and then make sure it had to be the “coastal” line (or you took the wrong train and got lost in the middle of nowhere in some small town NJ.-this was pre-smart phone. I had one scary incident with the train having problems and had to detour, couldn’t contact my brother as none of us had a cellphone yet. (it was 1999.)-the next day I went to get a cellphone and swore on my life I’ll never be that scared again.
Once you got on the train, it was another hassle, I had to have my headphone on the whole time because there were some drunk sketchy people holding brown paper bag loudly and rambunctiously on the train (because the North NJ transit line passed through stops like Elizabeth, South Amboy….etc there were industrial and rough suburbs I guess?!) some would harass me (I never shared this with my brother nor my parents.) and wouldn’t leave me alone to the point I had to keep switching cars.-the train ride was about an hour? It’s been too long and unpleasant I blocked out a lot of memories.
The train also passed some of the very ugly areas of NJ. During winter it was depressing and unpleasant.
If it weren’t for my baby nephew and trying to please my older brother/his wife, no, I wouldn’t have wanted to make a trip to NJ. It IS far. (1.5 hrs in total from my apartment to the NJ train station, not even factoring the time to wait for the actual train and the distance from the train station to my brother’s house.) And mostly unpleasant.
It has nothing to do with being snotty or narrow-minded. (Try standing in the nowhere remote dimly lit train station in sparsely suburban-more like rural-NJ in 35 degree weather by yourself at 6:30 PM in December waiting for your brother to you up, with nobody around, with no cellphone, and no one working in the train station, hoping your brother knew where the stupid train detoured-this is pre Uber so it’s not like I could call for car service for protection.)
Im perfectly aware there are many beautiful places in Jersey, but North NJ Transit and it’s traveling anrea isn’t one of them.
Of course when my brother picked me up/dropped me off back to Manhattan it didn’t feel far, having the comfort sitting in his car beats navigating the ugly Penn Station and Rocky Horror Show train ride.
In my book the rule of thumb is always if it’s pleasant and safe.
Personally I’m more peeved with people’s attitude towards moving. Some people won’t move to certain places because it’s so far away!. My own parents shipped me to Paris when i was a teen, I couldn’t relate to one of my sister-in-law who was reportedly very upset when my husband (her baby brother) moved from Cleveland to Cincinnati (5 hrs away drive, in the same state.), and he was 30!
Now I’m older and driving and married, I love going to very far places for a long distance car ride. Driving to Dallas from Houston for 4.5 hrs? Piece of cake (well my husband drives. But still. So fun to be in car with family. Car rides are more pleasant than public transportation.) Never “but it’s too far!” especially if the view was pleasant and hassle-free.
At the risk of sounding like Marie Antoinette, I guess I’m not a public transit person. Urbanists be damned.
Last edited by achtung baby; 12-04-2022 at 09:58 AM..
I don't go to Maryland unless forced to. There's two ways to Maryland - the Beltway (often bad traffic) or through D.C. (also bad traffic). Of course, I used to commute to Maryland *every day*, which took me 45-75m (driving) or 75-80m (Metro). And that wasn't even like 'deep' Maryland. Just too much of a hassle.
When I lived 150 miles away from family and friends it was too far. The highway only worked in one direction -- us to them. Coming for a "visit" was a hardship. Now I live 1200 miles away and they will make the trip because it is a "vacation".
I don't go to Maryland unless forced to. There's two ways to Maryland - the Beltway (often bad traffic) or through D.C. (also bad traffic). Of course, I used to commute to Maryland *every day*, which took me 45-75m (driving) or 75-80m (Metro). And that wasn't even like 'deep' Maryland. Just too much of a hassle.
Those of us in Maryland feel the same way about going to Northern Virginia. The Beltway is just a soul-crushing experience, whether the traffic is at a virtual standstill or is racing along at 65 mph or so with about 10 feet of separation between all the cars. (As far as I can tell, those are the only two types of traffic conditions on that road.) The distance between my house and Tyson's Corner is less than 40 miles, but in the 22 years that I've lived at my current location, I can recall going there only once, and that was to meet up with some friends. It's just too far away. By contrast, I've gone to Cumberland (a distance of about 130 miles on easy, free-flowing highways) dozens of times.
In NYC it's a normal thing. Also, you have directional suburbs across every metro. People living in LI may ***** about having to commute to NJ or Westchester County for a meeting, etc. Same with MD/VA suburbs. Same with Boston, Philly and so on. I suspect this is common for most US metros of any size and scale.
When I lived 150 miles away from family and friends it was too far. The highway only worked in one direction -- us to them. Coming for a "visit" was a hardship. Now I live 1200 miles away and they will make the trip because it is a "vacation".
That's exactly how I described it with my brother, who (like me) lives near I-95. "You know, 95 runs in both directions." But nope, he wouldn't come to visit me. Too far away.
A lot of it for me has to do with the traffic. If it's an easy drive it's enjoyable. If there are traffic jams, lots of stop and go traffic, accidents, crazy drives on the route a lot who weave in and out it may be a close drive, but it may be one I try to avoid if possible.
Funny too how with working from home has actually made me more willing to drive. A day trip on a weekend that's two hours there and back was pre-Covid not something I'd consider. But now, plus it being an easy drive, no problem -- let's do a day trip, crank up the music, and get on the highway.
I remember clearly going to visit my sister in law in Ohio who kept apologizing for the drive from her home on the East side of Dayton to her daughter's house on the west side of Columbus. The drive took about an hour. She kept on and on saying how far it was and how sorry she was and finally I said, "Girl, please. I'm from Texas. This is nothing."
I remember one time coming into the state from the west and seeing a sign that said "Dallas - 634 miles." Lord have mercy. But my SIL and my brother came to my house and I'm sure they were just looking at a map of the state of Texas without actually calculating miles because they wanted to go to Waco of all places, and it is 130 miles from my house to Waco! But off we went because you know - in Texas that's just not that far.
It is truly laughable how the Ohio River can act like an invisible Berlin Wall. I was asking a few businesses on the east end of Louisville, Kentucky some questions, and they wanted the location of my property to get an estimate. They acted like they had no idea where my area is even though it is less than 15 miles from the city northwest of New Albany, Indiana.
I'm more likely to drive much further distances if I'm not dealing with lots of highway traffic and going through larger cities.
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