What is going on in the Suburbs! (lower-class, renting)

[PhenomenalWoman]

We live in a suburban middle class neighborhood. I grew up in the ghetto, until now i thought maybe kids in well to do areas were more than likely well mannered/behaved with a few exceptions as always. I have a neighbor who let her kids get away with murder...they are not punished or paddled. Their behavior/manners are worst than some of the kids in the ghetto. They do/say things my mother would have paddled us for...i have similar values when it comes down to my kids. Do you have any stories of Suburban or Urban kids?

[Rachael84]

Originally Posted by PhenomenalWoman

We live in a suburban middle class neighborhood. I grew up in the ghetto, until now i thought maybe kids in well to do areas were more than likely well mannered/behaved with a few exceptions as always. I have a neighbor who let her kids get away with murder...they are not punished or paddled. Their behavior/manners are worst than some of the kids in the ghetto. They do/say things my mother would have paddled us for...i have similar values when it comes down to my kids. Do you have any stories of Suburban or Urban kids?

I grew up in an upper-middle class suburb. I went to one of the top 3 school districts on Long Island and even we had some problems. I think it happens everywhere, but it's obviously more common in the city. In 5th grade a boy brought a knife to school and said he was going to stab someone. A couple years before I went into high school there was a shooting in the library. No one died, but a couple people were sent to the hospital with wounds.

But that's nothing compared to what I see where I teach in the south Bronx. Many of the kids come from homeless shelters and have lots of family problems (family in jail, for example). A good amount of them have witnessed murder, a few of them were family members. I teach elementary, so who knows what happens in the high schools around here. My fiance taught a year in a high school in south Queens, a very dangerous hood. He had a couple students shot and killed. 90% of his students were in some sort of gang. Plus worse stuff.

[DeaconJ]

You are talking about ONE parenting issue...it's not an indictment of all parents in the suburbs, and I don't even know why you would address it that way. Additionally, you seem to think that suburban parents are supposed to be better parents than urban parents. The whole premise is ridiculous.

[Rachael84]

Generally speaking, suburban parents are more educated the inner-city parents. At least it's like that in metro NYC. Also, there are many, many more young parents in the cities compared to the suburbs.

[BergenCountyJohnny]

Originally Posted by PhenomenalWoman

We live in a suburban middle class neighborhood. I grew up in the ghetto, until now i thought maybe kids in well to do areas were more than likely well mannered/behaved with a few exceptions as always. I have a neighbor who let her kids get away with murder...they are not punished or paddled. Their behavior/manners are worst than some of the kids in the ghetto. They do/say things my mother would have paddled us for...i have similar values when it comes down to my kids. Do you have any stories of Suburban or Urban kids?

The suburban NJ town I grew up in was mostly perfect. I know it sounds like an exaggeration but it's true. My high school was great, the kids there were mostly great. We had no real "cliques". We had different groups and circles of friends but even with that people got along with each other. I had a circle of my closest friends, about 12 guys and girls, but I still went to parties and hung out with friends from outside my closest circle. Some were "jocks", some were punks and some were nerds some were cheerleaders and some were band geeks, and there was a little of everything in my circle. We just liked to hang out.

There were definitely some incidents where kids did rotten things. That's just kids being kids. It wasn't the norm, either. One kid held up the local convenience store with a knife and held the clerk and a customer "hostage". In reality he was just freaking out over his teen issues and angst, and wasn't going to hurt anyone, and wasn't even really holding the people hostage because they both later said they could have left and he wouldn't have done anything but they were trying to talk to him and calm him down. Weird, yeah, but this stuff happens everywhere. And it was about the worst thing that ever happened.

So, sorry to disappoint, but my suburban upbringing was pretty ideal. Nothing crazy, no real bullies or other similar issues. Some kids had fewer friends, some kids had more, but everyone had their circle of friends and still had friends outside their circles. I went to my 20th reunion and the people mostly turned out great, and I caught up with people I lost touch with who were good friends but not my closest friends. Everyone was happier than they expected to be to see each other again.

I wouldn't change a thing.

[At1WithNature]

kids are kids. the difference? kids in the city settle their disputes with guns.

[ATX Homeboy]

Originally Posted by At1WithNature

kids are kids. the difference? kids in the city settle their disputes with guns.

Don't kid yourself.

Kids in the burbs and country have access to guns just like kids from the inner city. If they don't, I'll bet you money they can get 'em if they want 'em. That said, all kids have access to knives.

Furthermore, children will kill you just as quick as an adult.

[Rachael84]

I honestly think there's a bigger drug problem in the suburbs than the city. Especially so in the upper-middle class and upper class suburbs. The kids can afford the drugs that working class/lower-class kids in the city can't afford.

[PhenomenalWoman]

Originally Posted by DeaconJ

You are talking about ONE parenting issue...it's not an indictment of all parents in the suburbs, and I don't even know why you would address it that way. Additionally, you seem to think that suburban parents are supposed to be better parents than urban parents. The whole premise is ridiculous.

Don't be so quick to jump in offensive mode, you obviously understood what you read...by your acknowledgement that i was talking about a ONE parent issue. It's not an indictment of all parents in the suburbs...as stated in my original post. I couldn't possibly be speaking for everyone, as i don't know everyone in the suburbs. As far as how i addressed it...it was how you understood it by assumptions. I don't think all people from any area are all the same....that would be generalizing/painting with a very broad brush. I was speaking of some of my neighbors kids, due to what i have witnessed as far as discipline is concerned. I know strict parents in suburbs as well as urban areas.

[PhenomenalWoman]

Originally Posted by Rachael84

Generally speaking, suburban parents are more educated the inner-city parents. At least it's like that in metro NYC. Also, there are many, many more young parents in the cities compared to the suburbs.

You are one hundred percent right about that. Thanks for the clarification!