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Friendship start in many ways, and having someone for dinner, will be a quick way of knowing if you have common interest, and want to carry on further. As Williamsold states, you go to the funeral to pay last respect to the family, and never heard on anyone not going, because of not being member of Church! You could respect the privacy if stated, as sometimes because of bad injuries, the family would like to keep it private, but that does not occur often. I would attend service, just to show respect, and not worry about what outsiders think, so just do the right thing.
Ok, the funeral thing that I was brought up with was that anyone and everyone could go to the funeral (after all, they are social events ) but only the close family and friends are to go to graveside. Very poor taste for non close people to go to graveside.
Always supposed to deliver wedding gifts to the brides house (even if you are friend of the groom) unless they are given at a shower. However, many give gifts at shower and also to the house. (double gifting, it's a long story and I can go into it if you want) Not sure what the deal is these days but back in 1987 the local department stores in east TN delivered wedding gifts to my (the brides) house that were bought from my registry. All were wrapped in store wrapping paper with little cards (think flower shop type cards size) signed by the giver. I would sooner die than register at a Wal Mart or Target, etc.
Ladies are always supposed to order first and waiters are always supposed to service from the persons left side.
I can't really go into the dinner thing as there is much to it.
If anyone says "How nice for you" just go ahead and take to your bed as you are toast in that towns social circles.
Oh, and if you hear someone say that "she should put on some color" that means get some lipstick on PDQ; you are looking pale!
Yes. I think there is a misunderstanding that the south follows etiquette rules and the north doesn't. If we are of a certain age, we were all taught the same things, or should have. I have met people on both sides of the Mason/Dixon that are just rude. Some people are not taught how to be nice to others.
My mother religiously read Emily Post. A buffet table at our house was set exactly like the book directed. To say that "our mamas raised us right in the south" insinuates that northerners are a bunch of buffoons and it not kind.
To the northerner that is frustrated by people not being direct, I do understand, but you must think of the alternative. I live here because I don't want to deal with a bunch of rude people. There are small joys that come from other customers in a store helping you find things, and I always reciprocate. Strangers willing to help with loading a car, giving directions, helping when your car breaks down are such kind surprises that add value to my everyday experiences.
After awhile, you will figure out who really likes you and who does not. It just takes time. I encourage you to stick with it.
Yes. I think there is a misunderstanding that the south follows etiquette rules and the north doesn't. If we are of a certain age, we were all taught the same things, or should have. I have met people on both sides of the Mason/Dixon that are just rude. Some people are not taught how to be nice to others.
My mother religiously read Emily Post. A buffet table at our house was set exactly like the book directed. To say that "our mamas raised us right in the south" insinuates that northerners are a bunch of buffoons and it not kind.
To the northerner that is frustrated by people not being direct, I do understand, but you must think of the alternative. I live here because I don't want to deal with a bunch of rude people. There are small joys that come from other customers in a store helping you find things, and I always reciprocate. Strangers willing to help with loading a car, giving directions, helping when your car breaks down are such kind surprises that add value to my everyday experiences.
After awhile, you will figure out who really likes you and who does not. It just takes time. I encourage you to stick with it.
You are so right! I lived for 11 years up north and learned their customs as well. And they definitely made an impression. I miss some of their etiquette and customs as some were really sweet. One thing to note on weddings: the area I was in (PA) had a custom where it was perfectly fine, and accepted, to bring wedding cards with checks/money inside of them, to the reception. There would actually be a white wishing well (usually adorned with greenery and flowers) at the reception for folks to place the cards in. Did you have anything like that where you were from up north Hik?
What a great thread......and precisely my reason for being a C-D member. A good, smart discussion full of practical information!
Here in western New York, a table is decorated with a wishing well in the center. That is where you place your gift or put your envelope in the wishing well.The size of the wedding will determine whether the bride and groom open the gifts at the reception or once back from their honeymoon. A family memeber will get everything to its "proper" destination at the end of the reception.
A funeral is attended to offer condolences to the family members. There is definitely an "etiquette" involved to it once inside the funeral home.
Only close friends and relatives are invited inside the home. When you want to become more friendly with someone, then a lunch somewhere or a movie or something of that nature, in order to get to know that person better. For the very life of me, I can't imagine having someone inside my home (on a social level) who wasn't already a part of my life.
I am thinking that if you are close enough to a family to attend a wedding/funeral, etc., then you would be comfortable enough to inquire what the "rule of thumb" is so as to "fit in" (for lack of a better term).
I will be visiting in a week...hopefully I won't goof-up toooooo much!!!!
Yes. I think there is a misunderstanding that the south follows etiquette rules and the north doesn't. If we are of a certain age, we were all taught the same things, or should have. I have met people on both sides of the Mason/Dixon that are just rude. Some people are not taught how to be nice to others.
Thank you for that! I agree.
My mother religiously read Emily Post. A buffet table at our house was set exactly like the book directed. To say that "our mamas raised us right in the south" insinuates that northerners are a bunch of buffoons and it not kind.
So true.
To the northerner that is frustrated by people not being direct, I do understand, but you must think of the alternative. I live here because I don't want to deal with a bunch of rude people. There are small joys that come from other customers in a store helping you find things, and I always reciprocate. Strangers willing to help with loading a car, giving directions, helping when your car breaks down are such kind surprises that add value to my everyday experiences.
After awhile, you will figure out who really likes you and who does not. It just takes time. I encourage you to stick with it.
Let me be clear: I didn't say I didn't understand this type of "language." I only said I didn't appreciate it.
I also have had many friends from each side of the Mason-Dixon; some of them knew all about ettiquite and some turned out to be more selfish. That wouldn't make me give up on my friends!
Only close friends and relatives are invited inside the home. When you want to become more friendly with someone, then a lunch somewhere or a movie or something of that nature, in order to get to know that person better. For the very life of me, I can't imagine having someone inside my home (on a social level) who wasn't already a part of my life.
Wow. I've never seen or heard of such thing, no matter where I lived.
I've seen the wishing well but didn't use it at my wedding. However, all the guests brought the gifts to the reception. It's not suppose to be that way, according to the rules of etiquette, but that's what people do now. I can remember my parents sending the gift to the home, though, when I was young.
Let me be clear: I didn't say I didn't understand this type of "language." I only said I didn't appreciate it.
I also have had many friends from each side of the Mason-Dixon; some of them knew all about ettiquite and some turned out to be more selfish. That wouldn't make me give up on my friends!
Good for you!
I think this misconception that people in the south are more polite or kind isn't always the case, and then when we move down here we are disheartened.
Here's another one that I see over and over on this forum. Where I come from, cars do not break in during a funeral procession. Ever. People in the line put their car lights on and drive slowly to the cemetery. If the traffic backs up it backs up. I keep reading, "That's what I love about the south!" Well, it's always been done that way where I grew up.
I think this misconception that people in the south are more polite or kind isn't always the case, and then when we move down here we are disheartened.
Here's another one that I see over and over on this forum. Where I come from, cars do not break in during a funeral procession. Ever. People in the line put their car lights on and drive slowly to the cemetery. If the traffic backs up it backs up. I keep reading, "That's what I love about the south!" Well, it's always been done that way where I grew up.
Thank you! I think you are correct about that perception: Some Southerners think Northerners have never learned their manners, but just making that assumption is rude!! lol
Anyway, right on about the funeral procession. It's that way all over. No one breaks in, and if traffic backs up, it's ok because it's a sign of respect to the people who have lost some one. I have to add that when my mother died many years ago, the funeral processon went right by a man working in his front lawn. He saw the funeral procession, stopped working, and took his hat off and held it over his heart until the cars passed. It brings a tear of appreciation to my eyes even now. And that was in western NY in 1961!!
Last edited by JoanD'Arc; 05-09-2009 at 06:16 PM..
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) but only the close family and friends are to go to graveside. Very poor taste for non close people to go to graveside. 
