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Where in the midwest and west did you live? I live in SE FL and hate it; I just moved here to take care of my parents and now it's time for a change. I've also lived in NJ (as a kid and go back every summer for reunions) & OKC, OK. I really liked the friendly people and slower way of life, but don't want to move back there.
Omaha, Nebraska. Not even in the bible belt, but there are still plenty of religious people here.
I moved out to Denver for college and stayed for about 5 years after.
Neither DC (where I grew up) nor ATL (where I have lived for the last 3 years) is home to me.
Denver will always be "home" and where I feel most comfortable.
The people, way of life, values etc ARE different.
I will continue to wear on my wife to move back no matter how long it takes.
What, in particular, do you like about Denver? I live in FL, but hate it - I moved here to take care of my parents. I miss the change of season, but don't want to live someplace where I have to shovel a foot of snow just to get to my car. Most of my life, I've been a secretary, so the most I've made is $12/hr, so I have to move somewhere that I can afford an apartment, etc.
When I first moved from CT to NY, I definitely felt much more comfortable with the people/culture/way of life back home. I never really felt like I fit in. Then, moving from NY to NC, now I feel much more comfortable with the people/culture/way of life here.
Where in CT did you live and where are you living in NC? I'm planning on a move, but not sure where yet.
A couple of things that may (or may not) be relevant to the situation faced by your coworker. How long has she been there? Moving from one part of the country to another, especially as different as Newark from some parts of VA, does mean cultural changes, so she could be facing a temporary culture shock (there are different stages; it doesn't necessarily hit hard right away). I think missing one's home state or town (especially if there are still family members there) can also hit during major life events - if she has had a child recently, or if her relatives back "home" are having kids, experiencing health problems, getting married, or otherwise doing things that highlight to her that she's living somewhere else. I would think that this especially has power if she's single, doesn't have kids, or otherwise maybe isn't feeling grounded or connected to where she is now (or if she's living there due to circumstances that feel beyond her control).
I moved away from home state after college. I eventually ended up in California, and felt more at home there than at "home." In the end, though, we'll be buying a home and putting down some permanent (or at least more permanent than ever before) roots in my home state, not because of feeling more culturally connected or not at ease in California (I feel very Californian), but because of more practical reasons, namely that we can afford to live a better life in MN, while in CA our cost of living is extremely high. We have family there, and if we live permanently in CA we'll have a tough time getting back to visit as often as we'd like, not only because of the high costs of travel (pet sitter or vet stay, airfare, etc.) but because of the hassles of getting time off from work, etc. MN is also a great place, and given the practical pros and cons of each place for us specifically we're choosing MN. I'm sure that there are others in similar positions. I also know others who have returned "home" due to their parents aging, a parent widowed, or other similar issues that led them to make a decision to return to live closer to family. (I also know others who have done the opposite thing, and convinced family to move closer to them)
There's also a bit of reverse culture shock moving back to where you grew up, especially if you left while still relatively young. People change, places change, and while you might be going "back" in terms of geography, you can't go back in terms of time.
You hit on a bunch of key issues and gave me things to think about as I'm planning on moving out of SE FL, but don't know where yet. I moved back to FL to take care of my parents, but it's time to move on. I prefer a town rather a city, but some place where they welcome strangers. I'm divorced, 46 and have a hard time meeting people, so I really need to move to a place where I feel at home.
Where in PA did you live and why did you like it? I live in SE FL and hate it - moved here to take care of my parents...planning on moving, but don't know where.
A lady in our office is from Newark New Jersey and she is always homesick. She wants to move back to Newark and live in a place where she is comfortable again. She always tells me that the people/culture/scenery and way of life is better back in Jersey than her new State of VA. She struggles with the people in the south and is always complaining about our culture and way of life.
It reminds me of many posts I have read on this board. People who say they could not wait to get out of their hometown and get to someplace different. But as an adult years later many move back because no matter how hard they try they can not get adjusted to the new towns culture, people, and way of life.
So, if you moved from the state you grew up in, do you feel more comfortable with the people/culture/way of life back in your home state or where you live now?
I lived in central NJ until I was 13. My dad accepted a job in S. FL, we moved. I missed the change of seasons, my friends and relatives and it was a horrible age to move in general. When I graduated from HS, I went to college in NC, married, moved to SC, divorced and moved back home to FL to save money and move out on my own. I moved to OKC, OK as my best friend from NJ lived there and I loved it. I stayed for 10 years, then moved back to FL to take care of my parents. I've been here 5 years and it's time to move on, I just don't know where yet and am really struggling. I only make $12/hr as a secretary, so rent is a big concern. The posts on this forum are interesting and give some great input.
I grew up in Detroit. There's no way I'd go back unless I find a nice place in a suburb, but when I did live in Detroit, I didn't have that "you're being watched" feeling that I get here. I only remember the name of one of my old neighbors (and only knew of one other neighbor...didn't even know the names of the rest!), whereas here people whose names I've long forgotten flag me down on the street and make small conversation. The problem is that I hate when it happens because I'm a loner by nature.
To put it simply, I wouldn't say that I was comfortable in my home state, but I was much more comfortable than I am now. I'd probably be most comfortable in a place with an introverted culture.
I've lived in the following by order of living there: Oak Ridge, Jefferson City, & Nashville, back to Oak Ridge, TN, then to Bethesda, MD, to Boise, ID, to Great Falls, MT, back to Knoxville, TN, to Ft. Wayne, IN, to Columbia, SC, to LA & Ventura Cty's, CA, to Portland, OR and finally back to CA in Orange County. Whew!
In my heart Tennessee, where I was born and mostly raised, will always be where I'm from and consider them as my people. I have lived in California longer than anywhere, 40 years in total and probably consider it my home with Tennessee my heart home. There is so much I miss about the South and my original culture. I learned that completely when we moved up North to Indiana and feeling completely like I was not at "home" and then feeling like I was "home again" with my own culture more when we moved back South to Columbia, SC. Then my daddy got a fabulous job offer in LA - California there we went. WHAT CULTURE SHOCK! Not so much the unfriendly fight-the-civil-war-again and the southern stereotypes as in Indiana, but the totally self-absorbed, church?- maybe on Christmas, me-first, you somewhere around 322 on the list, smile and say "have a nice day" when you really could care less type. But, OMG, there was so much to like, too. The weather, the proximity of the ocean, the mountains, the desert, Yosemite, Tahoe, San Diego, San Francisco, all of LA, the Broadway Shows with the actual casts that had played on Broadway, the Hollywood Bowl Concerts (although Knoxville had a fabulous symphony orchestra), Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm, the San Diego Zoo, Sea World, Six-Flag's Magic Mountain, the Big Sur Country, the surf in the a.m. and ski in the p.m. if you really wanted to, I could go on and on. I have found you can find nice people here that are not so materialistic and more grounded (after all, half of us are from someplace else and many raised more like I was back east) and you don't have to get caught up in the materialism and just enjoy everything that is fabulous here. When I moved to Portland, I didn't think I'd miss Cali so much, as in my heart I still felt TN was my home. I was so wrong. A Lot of people in Portland hate Californians, and that is no exaggeration, they will tell you to your face that they do and you can just go right back down the 5 Freeway back to Cali. I missed the sun and those week stretches right in the middle of winter with days in the high 70's or low 80's for no reason at all - they just happen. It was depressing in Portland - they seem to love mediocrity with a passion and had hardly even heard of church, not even at Christmas. In California, there was more vibrancy of life and a desire to succeed and do well at whatever it was you chose to do, even if it's clean a pool, paint (houses or art) or be an astrophysicist. I feel much more like California is my home than ever before, though TN will always be my heart. Could I move back home (TN) and be happy, probably, yes, but just as there is so much about the South I miss, there would be so much about Cali I would miss. My original family and my own immediate family are all on the West Coast, so California is probably where I'll stay with extended family still in the South. So, I will remain divided between my two homes with wonderful things to recommend them both very highly.
that is freaky. i think mentioned this before, but i'll tell it again. i was riding in a cab and having a conversation with the cab driver. i usually don't, but she seemed nice. well she suddenly started quoting scriptures
and went on and on about the power of the lord. i said "this is my stop!!"
and got the hell outta there! and caught another cab...
Such a liberal and accepting northerner. Saying grace before dinner is freaky? It's their house isn't it? That is a common practice among religious people.
Why not face it that you northerners are just as xenophobic and intolerant as a lot of the southerners and conservatives that you criticize all the time. The only thing that is different are the things you believe are acceptable and wrong.
And i'm saying this as a very very liberal democrat.
Last edited by UTHORNS96; 06-15-2009 at 05:56 AM..
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